Make Me, Potter

I recently started working in hospitality, and I’ll tell you guys right now, the trope of “there was only one bed” is not as rare as you’d think in real life. A few times a week, at least, I have guys come in who are working together on projects in town or passing through who have to literally book the last room I have available for the night and lo and behold — there is only one bed, and guess what, they give each other a side-eyed look and begrudgingly take it. So write it up, it happens all the time!!!

Never let your There Was Only One Bed dreams die. I was secretly in love with my best friend for over a year when she graduated and moved to Oklahoma (like 1000 miles away) for grad school. Between that travel restrictions, we were so scared we’d never see eachother again.

At the end of summer, when Covid numbers were at a lower point, I took the risk to visit her in her new apartment and I quickly realized that, unlike when I’d spent the night at her house before, the couch wasn’t made up like a bed. She explained that since her new couch was so fancy and pink, I couldn’t possibly sleep on it, and so I needed to sleep in the bed with her. You know, out of necessity. I woke up with her snuggled around me in the middle of the night.

We’re dating now, and I genuinely think I’m going to marry her. Just the other day, though, I mentioned that if she hadn’t been weird about her fancy couch, I probably never would have like confessed my feelings. AND THEN she stood up, took the cushions off the fancy couch, UNFOLDED IT INTO A HIDE-A-BED, and said “I KNOW.”

THIS GIRL. ORCHESTRATED. BED SCARCITY. JUST SO SHE COULD MAKE THE “ONLY ONE BED” EXCUSE. Y’all when I said I just about lost my goddamn mind, I just about lost my goddamn mind. I love this sneaky bitch so much and the moral of this story is BE THE ONE BED YOU WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD.

Fanfic imitates life, and life imitates fanfic. It’s full circle really.

oh my god 

there was only one bed

but it was STAGED

I love this so much

New Fanfic Trope Unlocked!!!!!

AU:There was only one bed - by design👀

Fake dating or only one bed?

Fake only one bed

THE TROPE HAS LEVELED UP

“orchestrated bed scarcity” is my new favorite phrase

nothing scarier than activity on an old post.....where did u find that thang

A little drarry inspired by a scene in the third movie !

I really test something new for me with the colors and i think I prefer it. Tell me what do you think of it !

Btw, thanks you for the likes and shares of my last fancomic, i'm knew on the platform for it's really precious for me ! I love u so much ❣️

Good life to u

critically jacking off to this problematic fic in a scholarly manner

“oh no we need to practice for our fake dating” is the funniest trope to me cause like. there are so many people who force themselves into a shitty relationship they hate just because of amatonormatiivity that it’s an ingrained part of popular culture to joke about hating your partner.

which is to say, oh my god you dont need to hold hands and go on fake dates, you don’t even need to agree on a single detail of your cover story beforehand. you can literally stand 6 feet apart at all times and look profoundly uncomfortable and all anyone will think is “yikes™. not my problem”

actually people should address this in fanfic more because “i know we could half-ass it, but i would never fake mistreat my fake husband, how dare you” is absolutely delightful

New trope: fake dating for spite.

“Look, my only goal here is for our pretend relationship to be demonstrably healthier than Aunt Rita and Uncle Carl’s fifteen year, three child marriage - which means the bar is so low we probably can’t fuck this up”

those posts criticizing common writing patterns in fanfiction are so fucking harmful and they ruined me

so like yknow what??? People tell you to avoid “smirk” and “chuckle” as descriptors because no one does those things (???) but then when I need to use those words I have a ten minute crisis about how I’m a shitty writer. So heres my unwarranted writing advice: If you want your characters to smirk and chuckle fucking let them and don’t let anyone tell you that no one smirks or chuckles because I do both on a daily basis whenever I tell a shitty pun, bye 

Edgy fanfiction critics can eat my entire ass.

Like y’all have never had a chuckle? For shame

” nobody does that”, Well sure, maybe nobody does that when YOU’RE in the room, buddy…

I smirk and I chuckle and I toe off my shoes and I card my fingers through my own hair (don’t have anyone else to do it to, but if I had, I would) and when I’m angry I growl (or wish I could, at least) and I pop the P when I say Yep. And even if I DIDN’T do all those things, the characters I write do, because fuck the language police, it’s my fic.

Incredibly fucking slow at it 🤧

i fixed it

Some friendly Quidditch match for @hdwickedwixen zine :3

He caught the snitch!

I would like to add that I kept going on a fic recently through a bad bout of depression and finished it, solely because people's comments were just so encouraging. I love you for that, fandom folk, and won't ever forget it.

Ah.

To all my writers who have a tough time with smut terms and not knowing which ones to use, I have found the holy grail for us.

This reddit user took a poll of 3,500 people and went really in depth with asking their favorite terminology, along with actual pie charts on what the readers preferred to see in their smut.

Here's the direct link to the Google doc with all the info!

A treasure! Especially the Notable Omissions sections.

The "readers prefer" graphs are fascinating, although not surprising.

second chances can only get you so far

Comments on erotica are so funny because a lot of the people in those sections are trying to compliment the author without directly saying "awesome job, I jacked it to this!"

Help.

-_-

2 genres of fanfiction:

1) put that guy into situations

2) take that guy OUT of situations for the love of GOD let them REST 

#you put the sad guy in #you take the sad guy out #you put the sad guy in and you shake him all about

He would not fucking say that but let's indulge

#honestly some people really are out there writing characters OOC#but within the story the characterization is consistent and engaging#and you’re like…ah…sometimes a weed is just a plant out of place

I hate the whole discourse of: "fanfic writers need to accept criticism so they can improve". Look, I did not post 5k of men blowing their loads so that I can become Hemingway or something, just don't read it if you don't want to, or do read it and drop your damn thanks in the tin.