I've been doing a lot of thinking the last few days. It's been three weeks since my last post here. The time has flown. But I have missed being here a lot.
But anyway. Since I got this message from Chai I've been doing a lot of thinking. It's obvious that people didn't want Jess around, and did their damnedest to get her to leave. She was chased off of-- fuck. I lost count of how many blogs. At least three. I did my best to support her, and hung around myself, even after it became increasingly obvious that I was not welcome either. (Despite not getting anons telling me to kill myself. I can only assume it's because I don't give a shit about some coward's opinion.) I told myself that if people wanted to believe whatever erroneous bullshit they were told about me, they weren't worth my time. Ultimately I decided putting effort into this blog wasn't worth my time.
Then I spoke to Chai. I realized that, you know, I was that person once. I just believed whatever I was told, that she was a shitty person, that she and her friends were thieves, that they should be avoided at all costs. I believed it, at the time, because I believed the group of people that accepted me were, on the whole, good people. Am I saying they're not good people? No.
They're just people. And so is Chai. Is Chai innocent? I doubt it. But neither are the rest of them. And why do they get to decide who stays and who goes in this fandom?
Why do we sit idly by and watch other people get bullied? Well, of course, some of us are afraid we'll get railroaded off of our blogs, too. It's no fun. I wish that I could go play with everyone, you know. That's all I ever wanted here. Minor conflicts and misunderstanding blow up into THIS, into people leaving, into anonymous abuse. Why? Because nobody talks about it and nobody speaks up.
"What's the harm?" I can hear some of you saying. "It's just RP." Except it's not. Let's not forget how recently we let a sexual predator lurk among us, pretending we didn't know anything while he took advantage of several women, at least one of which was a minor. People were afraid to come forward because of who he was friends with. Because coming forward so often ends in disaster. Because the people they had privately confided in brushed them off. But once someone did, suddenly they had support. People came forward with their own stories. He was shunned.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that you shouldn't be quiet when injustice is happening. Don't believe everything you're told. And give people the benefit of the doubt, too. And don't be afraid to speak up when someone is treating you like shit. Because it's not going to stop and go away if you ignore it, no matter what your third grade teacher liked to tell you. You might be surprised to find that others have had the same experiences, and that you can be the one who brings about change.
I wish I had spoken up more. The times when I did, people came to me and thanked me for doing it. I'm not perfect. I can be an unreasonable bitch. I shut people out very quickly, because I've been burned in the past. But I have the capacity to admit when I'm wrong, to grow and change and become a better person. And so do you.
Let's have a public accounting. It's too late for Jess, and I imagine it's too late for me. But I was encouraged by seeing people associating with Chai. I would like everyone who sees this to sit back and think about someone you were quick to judge in the past. Think about a time when you ignored injustice, or let yourself be treated badly. How did you handle it? How will you handle it if you see it again?
