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and I need you to reassure me I'm alive

@charimiel / charimiel.tumblr.com

26, she/her, demi/bi. Introverted insomniac, 5ft of space nerd, somehow ended up in France. Currently into: tolkien, a:tla, equality, aesthetic images. meet me in gay super mega hell lads. 80% inactive but this place is my hotel California.
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rorindiel
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heavyweightheart

the line between not going out as an act of self-care and not going out as a symptom of depression is but a gossamer thread

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hedgehog-moss

People are interpreting my “feeling embarrassed at the bakery” post so literally and seriously, as “The French are terrifyingly judgemental and love to bully and humiliate” and that’s how you know these people are not chronic worriers. My fellow stressed people are in the notes like “I feel you, this is me and the Threatening Stationery Shop.” I mean that post was just my internal monologue as a perpetually nervous person who tends to feel defeated by normal social interactions—the baker didn’t say anything mean, just corrected me when I got a bread name wrong, the rest was my brain filling in the blanks with fear of inadequacy and I Must Get A Good Grade In Buying Bread. So many people in the notes are like “this is why I can never go to France” but that one time I went into a Starbucks in the US I found the place to be a reservoir of agonies, I promise I would feel every bit as judged and woeful buying bread in your country, it wasn’t a post about being French it was a post about being anxious!

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booksandwildthings
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hedgehog-moss

The Least Intimidating bakery in the village has closed for good so now I’ve got to go to the Intimidating Bakery, it’s awful. If you don’t have a PhD in being French I don’t recommend going to that bakery, here’s the humiliating account of the 3 times I’ve visited it so far:

  • the first time I went in there I pointed at one of those extra-skinny baguettes and said “a flute, please” feeling pretty sure of myself, and the baker said “… that’s a ficelle” (you idiot) (was implied) “a flute is twice as large as a baguette.”
  • That’s insane, first of all, a flute is a skinny instrument. Call your fat baguette a bassoon, lady—I made some timid remark about how it would make more sense for a flute to be a skinny bread and the baker said, “In Paris it is. I thought you were from the South?”
  • oh, that hurt
  • I guess I’m from the part of the South that’s so close to Italy the bread’s waist size matters less than whether it’s got olives in it, but I left the bakery having an existential crisis over whether living in Paris had made me forget my roots
  • the Least Intimidating Bakery just had normal baguettes vs. seedy baguettes vs. horny baguettes (easy mode, some have seeds, some have horns), while the new bakery has breads that are only different on a molecular level—there’s a good old loaf and then another, identical loaf called a bastard? google told me a bastard is “halfway between a baguette and a bread” but denouncing them like “those are not regulation-sized bastards” would get me banned from the bakery for life
  • on my 2nd visit (while I stood in line discreetly googling baguette terminology) there was an English tourist who asked for a baguette while pointing at what was either a rustique or a sesame and I felt a bit worried for them, but the baker just clarified “this one?” to waive any responsibility if they found out later it wasn’t a classic baguette, then handed them the bread without educating them in a judgmental tone and I felt envious
  • I know it’s because she thinks the English are beyond saving but still it made me want to come back with a fake moustache and an English accent so I wouldn’t be expected to play bakery on expert mode just because I’m French. I asked for a pastry this time and the baker asked “no bread with that?” which felt cruel, like she wanted me to sprinkle myself with ashes and admit out loud that my level of bread proficiency isn’t as advanced as I once believed it was
  • The third time I went, I had lost all self-confidence and I hesitantly pointed at a bread and said “I’d like this, uh—what is it called?” and the baker looked at me in disbelief and said “That’s a baguette.”
  • God.
  • for the record, if that stupid bread had been flanked by a skinny bread (ficelle) and a fat one (flute) then yeah of course I would have known to call it a baguette, but in the absence of reference points I now felt lost and scared of being called a Parisian again
  • it’s hard to express the depth of my suffering so I’ll just let the facts speak for themselves: this morning a French person (me) stood in a French bakery in France surrounded by French people and pointed at a baguette and said “what is this called”
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idlestories
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casgirl

Top 3 Merlin episodes:

  • the one where uther returns as a ghost JUST to tell Arthur he wasn’t proud of him and to call Merlin slurs
  • the one where all the men are put under a spell to fall in love with this evil girl but it doesn’t affect Merlin because he’s.........magic ;)
  • Tasteful fade to black sex scene where uther fucks a troll
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casgirl

Honorable mentions: the episode where gwaine had to go to himbo prison and do shirtless arena fights and the episode where gwaine had to go to himbo prison and do shirtless mining and he also fucked an alien

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casketvamps

Being 20+ in fandom environments and constantly seeing discourse about shipping etc is basically just this meme

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sindar-princeling
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prankprincess123

Anyone else reading LOTR daily?

Cause the prologue was sent out today, and I evidently missed some stuff when reading it in the past. And am now in a RIOT over the implication that one of the three subspecies of Hobbits have at least one Dwarven ancestor ('Stoors' that came to the Shire straight from Dwarven lands, are a little taller, stockier, sometimes wear shoes, are capable of growing beards, and highest tendency to live underground) and another subspecies have at least one Elvish or Dunedain ancestor ('Fallohides' who came to the shire through Rivendell and Arnor, even taller, slimmer, and fairer, like to live in the woods, like to go on adventures, only Hobbits not [as] scared of the sea, most focused on the arts, best leaders and best hunters [Tooks and Brandybucks included among them])

Like he never outright says it, cause obviously it would be out of character for any Hobbit to openly even speculate of such, but the implication is right there and is very clear...

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bookobsessedforever
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taohun

did you guys see the poem from a couple of days ago in poetry dot org’s daily poem it was so good and a treat to read 

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taohun

been thinking about it since i read it 

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olowan-waphiya

thank you for sharing with everyone. i feel as if i’m meant to see this; my unci showed this poem to me for her lakota literature class asking for help in understanding it. it stood out to me among the many she showed me. not only because of the unique shape which reminded us of stars, of star quilts, their diamonds, and it makes the poem readable from many paths. to me, the author’s words speak of the obligation we have to face the past/present and future even when its difficult, to embrace our grief, to unravel the tragedies of colonialism. it is our obligation as descendants, as ancestors, as stewards and we must do it together. it’s very powerful.

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