i planned poorly and had to make a mod blog

@emeralddoom dude, they were advertized as actually being chairs. there were supposed to be seats. i think the venue overbooked itself. only half of general admission ticket holders actually got to sit down.

sorry i’ve been so absent this week. it has been a very, very bad week for pain.

i was tagged by @rhettandlinkarelife! i’ve been tagged in a few of these but i never actually respond and i feel like maybe i should                                               

Rules: tag 20 amazing people you’d like to get to know better. (i am not tagging 20 people but if you want to fill this out and say i tagged you, then consider yourself tagged.)


Name: YMB (or karyn if you have to)

Nicknames: Bulby. yes, for real.

Star sign: crapricorn. (like capricorn, but shitty.)

Height: 5' 10″ on a good day, 5′ 9″ most days (gravity)


Sexual Orientation: staunchly asexual

Hogwart’s House: puff or griff, depending on the test.


Favorite Colour: i honestly have no idea. i only wear black but i like purple and pink objects and color schemes.


Favourite animal(s): dogs and horses


Average hours of sleep: very, very little.


Favorite Fictional Character: sailor jupiter from sailor moon or rose quartz from steven universe.

Number of blankets I sleep with: one, mostly just over my feet and shoulders but like, not covering the rest of me. you know, how blankets absolutely are not supposed to be used.

Favorite singer/Bands: fleetwood mac, annie lennox


Dream trip: hmm. i’m not a big fan of traveling because i am disabled and whiny and disability access is frequently SHIT when traveling, but i’d love to take a sort of great american road trip and see some far-away friends and places.

Date I created my blog: june 2013 (for @yourmythicalbest)

Current number of followers: 12,630 on YMB and i honestly wouldn’t be alive without y’all. i can’t believe that many people actively tolerate me and read my weird tags about my dad almost cutting his hand off.

ugh guys my mental health has been so bad for the past month that i’ve barely updated ymb. i very very narrowly avoided going to the hospital because lol it wouldn’t help it would just be me in a room with bars on the windows for a week again. nothing ever changes and tbh i’m eating maybe once a day and trying so hard just to get out of bed. like just maintaining my playlists and making sure i actually watch gmm is like, the only thing i can make myself hold on to right now. i’m struggling to figure stuff out with my insurance company, my room turned into a goddamn episode of hoarders to the point that my sister and our friend came over and helped me dig out for HOURS on saturday night...i am super withdrawn and don’t feel safe driving by myself for fear that i’ll give in to one of the impulses that says “drive off a bridge” and i’m like

i wanted to use november to make art. i wanted to use november to get ahead on next year and to get one of my stories out there. i wanted to use november for something but instead it was just migraine pain, sobbing, panic attacks, deathbed-weeping, and spending weeks in just straight up suicidal crisis i couldn’t tell anyone about. the whole time i’ve been expected to give so much of my energy and spoons to other people’s projects and like...i can’t do it anymore. i nuked my personal blog months ago because i couldn’t take it anymore but in doing so i lost my only connection with much of the outside world, because i’m disabled and can barely do anything.

all in all i don’t know why i’m posting this here other than to go no, ymb isn’t going anywhere, i’m not going anywhere, it’s one of the only things in my wretched shitass life that i have any pride for anymore and i’m still letting it rot it feels like. like, i want to get up and make posts every day. i want to make at least one post a day like i used to. i used to post 3 times a day, minimum. before i went into the hospital in 2013, i was posting a minimum 5 times a day. i’d love to say i slowed down posting because i got a life, but unfortunately, it’s because i have continued to lose my grip on the little bit of motivation and life i had.

i don’t know what i’m going to do or how i’m going to get back to myself but i have to and i want to.

i don’t know.

realtalk, i had one of the worst weekends of my life vending this past weekend and i just did not have the emotional strength to get out of bed before noon today. i need to bitch about this because anyone following this blog has probably been around a fandom or two and might understand.

DO NOT PHOTOGRAPH ART IN THE ARTIST ALLEY.

DO NOT TOUCH ART IN THE ARTIST ALLEY.

DO NOT HIT AN ARTIST’S DISPLAY IN THE ARTIST ALLEY.

DO NOT CREEPSHOT VENDORS AT THEIR BOOTHS IN THE ARTIST ALLEY.

i was at a video game con in NJ this weekend and literally about 50 people walked right up to my booth, got three inches away from my prints and original drawings, and photographed them with their phones. a ton of people took video of my booth without asking. we had TWO “no photography” signs posted. one guy walked right up and tried to take a picture of the print DIRECTLY NEXT to the first sign we made. we still had to ask him to stop verbally though the sign was posted two inches from what he was photographing. everyone was touching my display, and one guy even punched one of my prints so hard he almost knocked over my whole display because he “hated” a certain pokemon starter i had drawn.

when you take a photo of say, a super nintendo game cartrige, you have a photo. when you take a photo of an art print, you effectively have the art print. everyone WANTED my art, but no one wanted to PAY for my art. i can usually count on making 100-200 dollars a day at a multi-day convention. on sunday, i made 18 dollars because everyone just kept photographing my art instead of spending the 3 to 10 dollars to buy it. if you want to share my art, it’s ALL on my art blogs and instagram and deviantart etc. you don’t need to photograph it, put it on your twitter, and then tag it with the convention saying “artist unknown.”  i’m not unknown. i’m sitting right behind the table. all of my links are on the back of my business cards. i didn’t even make back my table costs for this one because the people in attendance were beyond rude. a bunch of other vendors, who were not artist alley vendors, packed up and left two and half hours early because sales were so bad on sunday. one of the artists across the alley from me had to call security because someone kept photographing her even after she asked him to stop. it got so out of hand that they made an announcement of the loudspeaker banning photography in the artist alley, but it was too little too late.

this is honestly a problem i’ve encountered a lot at artist alley and it’s getting worse and worse every time i vend. the smaller, one-day conventions i’ve sold at, it hasn’t really been a problem. but at derpycon, animenext, tatsu-con, and now a video game con, it has been increasingly more common for me to have to plead with people not to photograph my art. i know it’s not ILLEGAL to photograph someone’s wares. i’m not saying it is or that it should be. what i’m saying is that it’s wrong. if you really want to support an artist, but can’t or don’t want to BUY their art, go to their social media and share it through there. if you HAVE to post it on your own social media, TAG THE ARTIST. you can’t even argue that you’re paying in “exposure” when you don’t even tell anyone the name of the artist whose art you’re re-posting. please, if you go to conventions, or anywhere that art is sold, please please please remember this.

if any of you were following me over on my personal blog, i’ve deleted that account. i’m still here, though! YMB isn’t going anywhere--i just needed a change.

my dad sat down with me and watched a full episode of gmm for the first time. it was the carolina reaper episode.

some of my favorite reations:

“they get ice cream after this? i’d do it for a bucket of costco vanilla.”

“what’s link short for” “lincoln.” “what’s rhett short for? rhett-orical?”

“did they make those hats?”

“when do they get the ice cream?”

LOOK AT THIS SMUG MIME

hmm. i have a feeling that buddy system is gonna give me some hella mighty boosh vibes and i’m super excited for that...

august can’t come fast enough tbh

so whatever happened to that clearly canadian livestream and studio tour we were supposed to get? is that just not gonna happen? because i paid like 30 bucks for this horrible-tasting, over-carbonated water that has been sitting in my house for months...

apparently tons of people still haven’t gotten any of their orders, judging by the clearly canadian facebook page. i’m not mad, and i’m sure rhett and link will do the livestream whenever they get notified that all the cases have been shipped, but it has been...a long time.

sorry there’s been no gifs yet this week. i have been in absolute migraine hell. i thought for sure this morning like, it’s weird i was in so much pain i felt like i had to be bleeding somwhere. like, my head hurt so badly for so long i thought there just had to be blood, because nothing could hurt that bad and not be bleeding.

i have had chronic migraine since i was about five years old and so even on good days, i spend a lot of time with a dull, humming pain in the background, reduced visual acuity, light and sound sensitivity...sometimes i can sit up and work and drive when it is dull like this. i had one pain-free day in all of 2015 and i went out to lunch with my grandmother and it was incredible. that’s how i know that my pain days even are pain, because sometimes i forget that there’s even like, a way of existing other than pain. and then i get a day without the pain and i can’t believe it. i feel like a 40 pound weight has been removed from my head. i can see better.

and then there are days like today, where the only thing i can sense is the pain, where i can’t open my eyes, where i sit up in bed and even touching my head to the pillow causes a wave of pain so bad that i vomit. i hate to post about it but i feel like it’s been so bad lately that the good streak i was on in this month has suffered. it’s june now and i want to have good posts in june. i have a big art sale next week so that will be about four days away from the computer but i will try to get stuff in the queue. i want to do so many things but i just can’t because so much of my time gets eaten up by goddamn migraines.

genuinely sorry to post about this but i need y’all to know where i have been. i don’t want to ever leave YMB and don’t want you guys to think that i would, but i also need to take a few more sick days than the average bear.

to expand upon something i talked about in the tags of a post that’s about to go up in like 20 minutes

i would LOVE LOVE LOVE to see a will it redemption episode featuring a lot of the foods from the grosser will-its being prepared properly. i’ve watched a lot of andrew zimmern and he’s always eating stuff that sounds super horrible but is enjoyed by people all over the world as genuine good eats. i would love to see like, the brains/blood/organ meats and bugs and stuff all get a shot at being cooked properly instead of served fear factor style or...boiled for safety. whenever they eat something that is definitely considered regular food in other parts of the world, i always feel kind of bad because honestly some of this stuff legit could work. there would obviously be things like pig anus soup that would still be horrible and funny and we can still cap off the episode with stuff that makes them gag, but it might be nice.

since rhett’s also got a square butt

i am so bogged down with artist alley prep that i haven’t even seen today’s gmm yet send help i’m in anime hell