EVERYTHING PLUS OCCASIONAL BITCHING

SO ENGLISH ISN’T MY MOM’S FIRST LANGUAGE AND TODAY THERE WAS A SLUG ON THE STEPS AND

He sits(?)

Sometimes correlation does imply causation.

That’s not fucking funny.

And the fact that I am born right there in the hotspot has NOTHING to do with it.

M8

You have an anime avatar, you’re further proving this.

why did sweden get hit by chernobyl fallout? it's on the other end of the continent.

my friend liz downloaded some free audio software a few months ago to do something and now every time she joins a call a female voice says “trial. trial.” and liz doesn’t remember the name of the software or know how to stop it and she doesn’t want to

my friend liz had her spotify account hacked and literally didn’t realize for a year until I was talking about my decade in review playlist and she looked at hers and it was all brazilian music and she was like oh this explains why I would go to sleep listening to classical music and wake up and it’s playing trap. and also why there are like 30 playlists on my account that I didn’t make. she just thought spotify was like that

hand to god at some point my friend liz managed to fuck up her install of Portal so bad that it was displaying minecraft textures

i don’t remember what this was going to be the punchline to but it’s funny enough to post on its own

when u very kindly ask the medieval executioner to respect your boundaries

when the medieval executioner respects your request

me and my two mutuals that don't care about taylor swift for the next three weeks

[OPENS FRIDGE, REMOVES TUPPERWARE CONTAINER LABELLED "Pomegranates from land of dead do not eat"]

[I REMOVE A SECOND CONTAINER LABELLED "Fairy apples do not eat (Autumn Court)]

[I APPROACH THE BLENDER]

legitimately the stupidest motherfucker alive.

“The orphan massacre machine is actually amazing for orphans because you can turn it off whenever you want to!”

mutuals stop putting this on my dash challenge

Every Friday. Every Friday i either see this post or live in fear of seeing it. I can’t wake up and say ‘it’s friday’ anymore without thinking of this post. I am living a nightmare and it’s your fault

This will be funnier when I make it into a video later. Had to split it up because of the length.

Please help me I just want my groceries

YOU GUYS WILL NEVER BELIEVE WHO I RAN INTO

ITS HER

I just spent money on things I wanted...

Pretty sure that's not how the squid game works puki

I'd go straight to the source of the problem