john_green_eats_ass.mp4

john green being sexually harassed off tumblr, c. 2014

someone ate all the town's cum supply!!!!! *the town villagers angrily look back towards a lethargic and bloated John Green*

pls

The fact that they’re still tight about this after all these years is so funny to me like they must think about it every single day

hank you know good and well people aren’t calling it “the copypasta”

you just know he was having flashbacks while typing that reply

we hate you john green

My name is not important. What is important is what I’m going to do… I just fuckin’ hate this world. And the human worms feasting on its carcass. My whole life is just cold, bitter hatred. And I always wanted to die violently. This is the time of vengeance and no life is worth saving. And I will put in the grave as many as I can. It’s time for me to kill. And it’s time for me to die. My genocide crusade begins here.

hey johny my bro relax

Cock is one of my favorite tastes. Not only that, but balls smell amazing. It makes me go a little crazy on it to be honest. Like, I cannot get it far enough down my throat to be satisfied. I’m only satisfied when I feel those intense, powerful, salty, hot pumps of cum down my throat. When I sit back on my heels, look up at you with cum all over my mouth and slobber running down my neck, hair all fucked up and wipe my mouth with the back of my arm and ask you if I did a good job and you cannot even speak because I’ve drained all of your energy out the tip of your dick….. That’s when I’m satisfied.

john green u nasty and ugly as hell shut the fuck up

sweetie, you are literally so out of line it’s fucking unbelievable. i could drag you so hard right now but i know you’ll just end up crying. i’ve roasted you before and you know it. chances are you’ll just say i bullied you because you’re gay and have different skin. talk shit get hit, you don’t wanna mess with me kiddo; i’ve got a black belt. i know threats are fucked up but that’s all i’ve been receiving all day, probably from her royal hoodrat olive and all of her nasty friends. but you can gang up on me and make fun of me for being goth all you want. i’ve been hurt a lot. my first boyfriend cheated on me, my dad screams if i forget to do my chores, and there are some days i don’t even want to get out of bed in the mornings. i’m a jaded teenage girl. i’ve been through shit that you wouldn’t even dream of. you think your life is hard? try asking the cutest guy in your grade out in the middle of the cafeteria only to find out he has a fucking girlfriend. you don’t know my life or my story so keep my name out of your nasty mouth. life is a battlefield and it looks like i’ve already won.

@staff, this is why being able to change things in what you’re reblogging is bullshit. Way to turn a really good article about trolling and anon bullying into slander.

I think John Green’s canon response to cum monologue was something like “this is actually very offensive to people who LOVE to suck cock (women and homosexuals)”

King

“i find false attribution annoying in general”

when im mad  i chew on this john green book

I really, really had to take a shit when this photo was being taken. Seconds later I relieved myself in a small potted plant.

The way we bullied these two. The gay community came together for it ❤

What? You can’t quit the cock sucking championships now, you’re our best player!

us when john green left tumblr

john green just won a noble peace prize for teaching nerds how to fuck each other. tragically, he wasnt able to make it to the event. on the drive there, he stopped at burger king for his favorite snack: the chicken tender. short on time, he opted for the drivethru. he accidentally ‘dipped’ his tender into the cigarette lighter, mistaking it for a packet of honey mustard. the burning hot tender sealed his esophagus shut and he died instantlym RIP J. Green

we joke about tumblr’s pjge (post john green era) but it is legitimately wild that a) a social media site allowed others to edit your posts for five years, and b) that we all agreed to use the honor system about it until mr. green arrived

the day that tumblr removed the ability to edit posts because Mr Tumblypoos complained about the taste of cock edit is the day this website took a permanent turn for the worst

but god fucking damn what a way to go out