Avatar

Humpty Dumpty

It’s true what they say, about Humpty n’ all, He was there that day, he was on that wall, A suicide stat he’d intended to be, A sad reoccurrence When called Humpty Dumpty, But rather than SPLATTER down onto the court, It wasn’t as straightforward as poems have taught, Declassified documents from the CIA Disclose that Dumpty was carried away, By an eagle with questionable eagle-eyed sight, Who realising his error cakked out in fright, All the King’s men were covered in shit, And thinking it was Humpty tried to reassemble it, Dumpty was dropped to Eagle’s friend, Hen, Who promised she’d look after Humpty from then, She sat on his face for two weeks straight, Which Dumpty confessed was agreeably great In a diary far too explicit to see, Though a sextape is online apparently? One morn he woke up, Dazed and awakened, By a farmer, as Hen was brutally taken, The last he saw were her poor twitching legs, Before processing, pastying, and packaged for Gregg’s, As for our Humpers, he was taken himself, Incarcerated in a carton on a grocery shelf, Before realizing the real it was far too late – He’d ended up back on the Kingsmens’ plate!

By Guy Larsen (Illustrations to follow!) 

Avatar

Ogre

You kept us in check, alright. Hugged us With a thuggery unrivalled on our street. A bellow from the doorstep; you framing the fortress, Knuckling at dusters; rubbing spit upon faces; Tormenting the dishes. You were clatter, The business, and if one of us resisted, Your words had the power to Lift the spines from our backs. One afternoon, while you slept, I moved closer, Ran my fingers along the red scar in your side; The one that I’d made. Deep as the Earth’s crust, Still nowhere near deep enough to be the end of you.

'Ogre' Poem by Mark Grist. Illustration by Guy Larsen. You can see more of the very talented Mark here, and THE rap battle below:

You are using an unsupported browser and things might not work as intended. Please make sure you're using the latest version of Chrome, Firefox, Safari, or Edge.