Nobody loves me
I just want someone to love me
Here I am again. I feel like one of these days I will either die, or just straight up kill myself. I do not know where the depression comes from. I miss my Dad though. I hang on by a thread. Guess we will see how long that thread lasts.
Metal on the skin
Nobody loves me but it's ok
My anxiety is off the charts right now. I don't know why. This is unfortunate.
I try to tell myself all the things I am supposed to to get better. No matter how hard something is, wake up, seize the day. Lately all I feel is crippling sadness. I can't catch a break. Nothing is going my way. I desperately try to right these wrongs but I've lost complete control of my life. The thoughts keep getting louder. Closer. Shapes begin to form. Clarity sharper. Its no longer a distant object on the horizon. It's here. And I'm afraid it has passed the event horizon. I'm afraid it's now swirling around my gravity, closer and closer. Eventually, collision. No longer a matter of if, but when. Its coming.
dictatingpatterns reblogged
I don’t know what this is. But I love it.
dictatingpatterns reblogged
Ron Clements, co-director of Aladdin, confirmed the fan theory that the merchant at the beginning of the film is actually Genie.
“[we] had that at the end of the movie, where he would reveal himself to be the Genie… [through] editing, we lost the reveal at the end. So, that’s an urban legend that actually is true.”
dictatingpatterns reblogged
ME & YOU TOGETHER SONG // THE 1975
Source: calhoodz
dictatingpatterns reblogged
shikuuz-deactivated20200407
he angery
dictatingpatterns reblogged
This thread!
dictatingpatterns reblogged
Another day
What is this life? The only thing that makes me feel connected is the subconscious mechanisms of my body. Thirst, hunger, day to day survival. Giving in to my animal instinct feels like the only way. There are fleeting moments of greater meaning, but get lost to my learned helplessness.
Maybe I will be better tomorrow.
Maybe I am only helpful to people because I do not have enough fuel for my ego. Maybe it is not actually wanting to be helpful, but never finding any reason to say no. What is the point?
Everything sucks
Feel stuck in a puddle, but if that puddle was 5 feet deep.
Everything feels murky, unable to move.
Everything just kinda sucks. I've tried to be better, tried to force my family and reality into a better spot. But I suck deep down and so does everything else.
I feel defeated, and it feels like the universe wants it that way.
People let me down in my life
I may be coming to a true realization that so many have walked over me when I gave them my all.
Music and alcohol let me feel what's been so deeply repressed.
I consider this a type of open diary. No goals or gains, just a place; a hole, an opening.
I have tried to fix everything and the harder I tried, the harder i failed.
Maybe one day everything won't feel like such a struggle. Maybe one day there will be peace. Unrelated to death, maybe one day it will finishing falling out, and the dust will settle in the pattern of perfection. Maybe.