how fuckin short is mr clean

how fucking big was that 12 year old

hes destroying the evidence that the giant 12 year old ever existed

This will be remembered for years. Iconic.

Fuck a white supremacist. Thank god for these beautiful Black heroes. 😍

look at these turts

Torts actually

oh!!!!!!! thank u. love these torts

I know who we all REALLY want to see in Disney’s live action reboots.

Did I ever tell you guys how I actually semi-officially changed the canon of this movie

Oh?

Yeah I got one of the lead writers to make something canon with help from my roommate and his dad.

give us the deets

Ok so this all started with a fan theory I read on Reddit. Basically the theory was that since the only animals in the movie that are shown to be capable of speech used to be human, then any animal that can talk was at one point a human.

On Kuzco’s first night alone in the jungle, he sees a fly in a spiderweb. The fly screams “HELP ME” then gets eaten.

The theory was that that fly used to be human.

So my roommate really liked that theory and said “hey my dad is actually friends with the guy who wrote Emperor’s New Groove, he can ask him to confirm that theory for us.” (I’m not naming names here I don’t wanna get sued)

So a couple days later we get screenshots of my roommate’s dad’s email asking about the theory and the lead writer’s response:

“The fly is… Kuzco’s late father.”

My roommate’s dad: “is that canon?”

Writer: “It is now.”

So Kuzco’s dad was turned into an animal by Yzma, we assume, as part of her ploy to take the throne. It makes SENSE.

And that’s how I helped change the canon of a major Disney movie.

Had a dream that McDonald’s had a big ad campaign that just said “WE HAVE IT” in black cryptic writing. So I went to a drive thru and said “I saw the sign. Can I have it” and the speaker was silent for a solid ten seconds before saying “do you think you’re ready” in my voice and I screamed and drove away

Cracking open a cold one

With the girls

every episode of Kitchen Nightmares

Gordon Ramsay sits across a filthy table from a sweaty, aging man. the restaurant is cavernous, yet only six tables can be seen, each in various states of disarray. there are two customers: one is sending back her food and the other is dead at the bar. Rats crawl in and out of his pockets and open mouth.

sweaty, aging man: never in my 47 years here have i ever gotten a complaint

Gordon Ramsay: you’re a weak, Small Man. your food is frozen, the beef is raw. Fuck You

young employee:

you would not believe your nose

if head shoulders knees and toes

I was thrilled to pieces when I saw this scene. Disney could have written Gideon off like some bully character who never really amounted to anything, or got what was coming to him like a lot of those characters do in their movies.  Gideon made something of himself. He’s a pastry chef, something that’s not traditionally a job for men in media. And as soon as Judy speaks to him, he immediately apologizes to her. He doesn’t try to shrug it off as no big deal, or say that it was just boys being boys or whatever; he knows he hurt her, and he owns up to it. And Judy immediately forgives him. 

Well done, Disney. 

Also the language that he used is not something that he would have most likely grown up hearing/using. Describing his failings as self-doubt that manifested into “unchecked rage and aggression” sounds SO MUCH like therapy speak. So he’s either gotten counseling to help him with some of his problems, or sought out literature to help himself. A++ disney :)

This movie is a treasure.

Dick riding IS NOT a form of transportation!!!!!!!! 

Not with that attitude

Somewhere out there there’s a republican strategist email chain trying to find a way to rebrand treason as rebellious but in like a patriotic, brave way