THE THUNDERHEAD STUCK BEHIND THE HILLS

Goodbye

Goodbye

Goodbye

I’ve always been a little too loud.

And, when Tenney and I met up at a small coffee shop in SLO after a romantic “poop-swipe” from Tinder - it was noticed.

Those of you who’ve known me for a while know that I’ve always enjoyed a flair for the dramatic and have tried to make myself and my life and the people around me’s experience larger than life. From prom proposals, to costumes, to events, and so much more.

I wanted to make Tenney’s life something even more extraordinary than she already was.

I knew from the moment I met her that I wanted to be a part of her life. Always. As a partner, as a lover, as a friend, as a spoop. And I wanted to be loud and share this with everyone I could. With something big, something stupid, and something crazy.

But, Tenney (unlike most I’ve met) didn’t get caught up in the flair, or the pomp and circumstance. She taught me what it really meant to be intentional. To be honest. To be real.

So, when I tried to tell her that I was in love with her from the moment we met virtually, she wisely and carefully (as to not hurt my ego and heart) slowed me down. Reminding me that love was not a sprint or sudden rush of energy, but was more like tennis court lights (similar to the ones I grew up near at the Chantemar pool) that slowly warm up and then burn so bright that you can’t sleep.

And, in classic Harrison fashion - I dealt with my emotions and the seriousness of her comments with humor. Starting to find every moment I could to ask Tenney to marry me. Usually (as is my curse) at the worst possible moments, far TOO early in any relationship.

And as time has gone on, the lights shining brighter and brighter as they cut through the 10:00 PM darkness of the Southside of Pomerado - I’ve learned that being loud doesn’t mean that you are more right. That when WE were ready, that we would know. That our story would write itself, and didn’t need to any classic Harrison hyperbole and hijinks!

So, I deleted my collection of event furniture, giant balloon letters, a guy who had doves (not kidding) names, numbers, and tabs I’ve been collecting since 2016. I cancelled the permit I was attempting to get through the City of San Diego to reserve all of Balboa Park.

And instead - I went to Portugal (for WYD, not for wedding shopping or event scouting), and found a Postcard for 1 Euro and a pen in mine and Nicky’s hotel room.

The only thing Tenney wanted from my time abroad without her was a postcard and a greeting.

Something so small, but could still say what needed to be said loudly, in a much more manageable package. Something honest. Something real.

The mail came on Friday at 3:34 PM (I watch and track mail people now) after 17 days of waiting impatiently.

And I said the most important thing I’ve ever said, as quietly as I could. And Tenney (for the first time in history) was louder than me.

I love you, Tenney. Forever, and always.

Nobody cares about me and nobody ever will

It’s all falling

Kinda thinking of slipping under the surface in the bath and not coming back up.

Miserable

It’s all falling apart. And, the sounds of ripping are getting louder.