yea

that episode of spongebob where he gets stuck in that town and keeps missing the bus and the road goes into a sharp vertical line so he can’t leave should classify as a horror short film

milf alignment chart… where do YOU fall?

May I Present: 2AM complementary DILF Alignment Chart (cursed)?

genuinely terrifying how adhd will have you be fully aware of the responsibilities you’re neglecting and yet its like you’re being piloted by a super chill hedonistic demon who can’t hear you/doesnt care

you: *eats 10 pounds of shrimp in 8 minutes* I am the shrimp king! I cannot be outshrimped

me: *eats a thousand pounds of shrimp in one bite* just another day in the life of a whale

who is in control?

I hallucinate this post at least 5 times a day

tiny harmless insect: *flies around too fast* relatively gargantuan ape whose evolutionary niche is being smart: “oh i cant fucking stand this”

and SCENE! that was my impersonation of what i think tumblr would be like in the late 1960’s. just to clarify this is a joke. this isn’t real. there is no beatles erotica here. it’s a bit. it’s a joke

damn my pants ripped in the desert ahhh the sand so hot on my dick

bro look out for that cactus

ahh the cactus so pain on my dick

outfit for when you're fishing with the boys

newborn babies when theyre hungry and their mom isnt in the room and they think she stopped existing bc no object permanence

maybe instead of getting mad at me when you come down the stairs to see a bowl of freshly churned butter on the island counter you should get mad at yourself for leaving a bowl of fresh cream out when you’re aware of my passions