what are these “shower thoughts” everybody’s talking about, i dont think about anything in the shower, my mind is completely blank as i douse my body in scalding hot water and stare at a wall

Dads love to talk about roads. Whatd u take to get on the highway. Whatd you take to get off the highway

I don’t want to hear what you have to say unless it’s both stupid and absurd

jesus had his palms gauged 

Me, a clueless cowboy:

Yeehuh?

please, call me duncan

mr donuts is my father

Frankenstein enters into a body building competition and finds he has seriously misunderstood the objective

The rotation of Earth really makes my day

I wish I could terrorize ancient people with things that are commonplace today

releasing a roomba into the greek forums

19 and 20 got into a fight

seeing everyones spotify wrapped: wow yawn, boring

me posting my spotify wrapped: everyone will enjoy this from me, the protagonist of life

do i wanna know??? no. but thank u monkey friends

sexhaver:

3D printers are the only known species of printer to reproduce asexually

you wouldn’t download a printer