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LOOK AT THE MOON

@crucialrambles / crucialrambles.tumblr.com

22//viet//michigan//creative writing student//in love with the sky//help
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crucialrambles
polishingmirrors asked:

Dear past me,

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crucialrambles answered:

Dear past me,

I am 21 and this is the year of many firsts.

You managed to yell back at a boy who hurt you badly and you didn’t cry. He did.

You’ve learned to take up space. You still can’t look at mirrors sometimes, but you’re slowly learning to love every bit of you.

You actually participated in class for the first time last Friday. The teacher said you asked a very good question. Your voice is so important even when it has really long awkward pauses and you forget words. MAKE PEOPLE LISTEN.

Also make people pronounce your name right. Your name means mountain and fuck be stubborn because “move mountains” is a metaphor and you’re here to prove that nobody can push you around.

Your depression gets worse.

Your acne gets better. There are still scars marking each and every anxiety you’ve had. Remember that stars also dot the sky so think of your face as a photo negative of the night.

You learn how to love your mom and learn how to be in awe of her strength and beauty again.

You accept and grow into your identity as a Vietnamese-American woman. You stop yearning for lighter hair, ocean eyes, and paler skin. You stop being ashamed. You learn to be loud.

There are so many things I want to tell you but I’m getting tired. Also Pat is drunk so I better make sure he doesn’t jump off a roof again.

But goddamn I’m so proud of you and how you will grow and like your teacher said your senior year of high school (after you cried the entire class period in the bathroom stall) you’re on a path of gold.

You’re so on that path and you will always be on that path, even when you think you stray from “the path” or get lost or get behind or are retracing steps or whatever REMEMBER the two feet attached to you are MAKING this path of gold like Persephone makes spring.

Dear past me,

Take a lot of deep breaths. Middle school sucks. High school sucks a bit more. College is a trek of endless sorrow but sometimes you eat Chipotle or drink half a fifth of tequila in one night and everything is wonderful for an hour. Breathe.

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crucialrambles

Dear 21 year old me,

I am 25 now and instead of crying in toilet stalls you have now cried an entire green line. But that was last year and now you’re much much better.

You still have difficulty taking up space, and sometimes you forget to take care of yourself. Last year when you moved to Boston you didn’t eat and you ended up passing out on the green line. Lesson: don’t take the green line.

You and Rukhs were in bad places last fall and now we’re thriving. We’ve grown so much. There is so much growing you will do.

Pat didn’t jump off the roof that night. But he did jump off your heart lmao. It feels freeing, not being dependent on someone anymore.

Now you speak up in class and half of it is stupid but at least you’re using your voice, the way a Gemini should. You’re writing and all your professors tell you you have so much potential but that also is like …stop being lazy and get to work.

You got off the phone with your Mom who you love so so much and she told you about how she escaped from Vietnam and wow you are so in awe of your mom.

You called your new! therapist today and all the bad stuff is in the past. You’re medicated now, you’re better. But sometimes your heart and mind still ache. And you don’t know what or if medication would help with that.

Don’t eat chipotle or drink tequila.

Love,

Khanh San

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crucialrambles

Dear 25 year old me, I think you wrote this two years ago from now. The world is so uncertain but your life isn’t. You’re writing, you’re creating, you’re in love with someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, and actually can see that happening because you both work hard and make sure you’re healthy. You are looking at the past today because you feel ugly and less. Amazing what an Instagram filter can do—make me feel ugly because I don’t have blue eyes. Amazing where you are right now, mentally stable, Love is stable, creativity is flowing. You worked so hard to get to where I am now, you should be so so proud. And all this in less than two years WOW! Gotta stay in the present, and look forward.

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reblogged
joanjettofarc

Fuck the chimp that threw the raccoon

Receipts?

I fucking hate this dude

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reblogged
petitetimidgay
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acadeamic

02.03.19. my first advanced studio 5 art project was a mini sketchbook, so here’s my fav pages from it!! not exactly the typical studyblr content but i def learned a lot of time manegement here🍊🍑🍋

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