Hey, I for one will really miss your portrayal. But when you're not feeling it, you're not feeling it, and I do support your decision to step away if it doesn't make you happy anymore. I can understand losing your muse or even getting disenchanted with rping in general... But please know that this blog will be missed
It’s not easy for me because as much as it makes me sad to be around, I’m so used to logging online to roleplay and it’c just become this vicious cycle that shouldn’t outshine the amazing presence and efforts of people such as yourself. I can’t even attribute it to infuriation with new formatting styles or one too many pet peeves. In the present moment, I simply feel as if I cannot characterize Natasha any longer. She is lost to me, and has become a version of a character whose canonical presence and portrayal I can no longer imitate, only observe, critique and at times admire. I do enjoy Natasha as a character but she’s no longer a muse.
And I’ve tried, god I have, to make new accounts where I could control how they acted, but I lost muse when there were nobody to play with. I do realize that there is a reason why followers and partners aren’t forthcoming with OCs, but at this point in the MCU RP community, people have established preferences. I lack renewal in so many aspects and yet I want to go back to a time, selfishly, arrogantly, where I had three-digit followers who seemed genuinely interested in having me around and who replied to memes etc., (actively seeking plots) rather than just a handful. I shouldn’t expect it, but... it feels like I’ve outgrown and no longer fits the community and the unspoken rules of tumblr RP. And that’s not saying I’m superior to anyone. In fact, I’m inferior to so many on here, that’s part of the problem.
It’s partially and majorly about inadequacy and an absence of ability to commit to threads, followed by a sensation of misery when drafts accumulate and muses become lost to me. I’m not revitalized with vigor when I think of Natasha and how she may act; rather, I have grown to prefer obscure AUs that do not do her justice and as such, I perceive it as not offering my partners justice.
I’m not cut out for roleplaying anymore. Maybe I’ll find out someday that I can handle it, but I can’t ever envision that with Natasha or any OCs I establish. I hope dearly that Ariadne will give me that, should I return to RPing, but at this point, I will not promise it.
Ooops, this got long-winded, but it should explain some of what I’ve been feeling. And that’s part of the reason I’m staying on tumblr. I like to discuss things, I like answering inquiries or even coming up with stories. I just can’t portray someone actively and be forced to rely on memes and that potential rejection.
