I LOVE MY WIFE!!!!

Favorite thing about renaissance faires is that they have fuck all to to with the renaissance. This thang is not about historical anything this is about dressing up like a fairy and watching a joust

#a samurai with a flintlock pistol sitting next to a guy dressed as a caveman drinking a styrofoam cup of dr pepper#and it fucks severely

we ask that the defense not say "me when i lie" while the witness testifies

the world is too big for this tiny boy

Yawning is so contagious

(Source)

True and sincere answer to all of the people who ask, "I have just seen X animal, what does this mean?":

Rejoice, my friend, for this is a most auspicious sign! You have received one of the greatest blessings known to human kind: you live in a world full of creatures! Take comfort and enjoy this divine blessing.

#yeah but one time i saw 5 robins in a circle and thats gotta mean something

Oh shit, you saw the robin circle? That's not good.

obsessed with this heraldic beaft i saw on twitter

uncanny resemblance

Espeon and Umbreon ⭐️🌙

*giant wind gust outside*

Me: “Don’t say it.”

My Brain:

touch the nose

Can't decide whether it's funnier to say "my hungry ass could never work at a" and then say something that implies you're eating something truly grotesque or something that just, makes no sense

"my hungry ass could never be a brain surgeon" awful. 10/10

"my hungry ass could never be a truck driver" ????? 10/10

EATYIGNIN TIJOK;L'HE????

All the people in the notes saying 'that's too busy'... maybe this post just wasn't aimed at you.

boy take that power armor off and shake some ass