being 5'7" is so fucked. AND i'm a top. i suffer more than you could ever know.

doing shadow of the colossus shit to her pussy 🧝‍♀️

uhm.... girls only have cocks around these parts, friend

Doing shadow of the colossus shit to HIS pussy

sorry im a lesbian

doing shadow of the colossus shit to her penis?

well if youre unsure i can take over for you

collecting lizards to boost my stamina and climbing the tower to do shadow of the colossus shit to her 17th secret penis

i think the concept of the post is starting to escape us

nothing escapes from me

LoL players: i play LoL

WoW players: i play WoW

me:

Marriage is WORK but I wouldn’t trade my hubbie Chud for the WORLD he is a NIGHTMARE but he’s MY nightmare thank you GOD for this PIECE OF SHIT LIFE. ✝️

im so happy i made all the correct choices that led to us meeting

its something like this i think

ur such a *horoscope sign* no i am retarded

the idealized version of my tomorrow self will fix this

not again

Its weird for me to think that dolphins existed at the same time as queens and knights and shit like that. I feel like dolphins were invented in the 80s by crystal shops to sell porcelain statues to divorced women

been working on collapsing harry styles and timothee chalamet into one celebrity entity in my mind to make room for more important stuff like the locations of nuts that i buried before winter

umm can someone tell me how long i have to carry this weight

you have to stay alive. you're going to be such a beautiful middle aged freak. young freaks will see you in the street and know that things can be okay.

*booking an mri* what if I accidentally have a pacemaker. what if I got secret bone surgery and forgot about the pins

hey girl i mean any pronouns

Standing in the pasta aisle eyes closed trying to picture the mouthfeel of different pasta shapes with perfect clarity in the theater of my mind

BBC Sherlock if he was just a guy