Dreaming;

HELLO ?

Help I got the Temu labiaplasty and now my pussy is on backwards

sory i bought polymer clay earings from uour wifes etsy store and cast one of her thumprints and used it to access your family safe and i stole your comically large bagof money with dolar signs painted on it

Can't decide whether it's funnier to say "my hungry ass could never work at a" and then say something that implies you're eating something truly grotesque or something that just, makes no sense

"my hungry ass could never be a brain surgeon" awful. 10/10

"my hungry ass could never be a truck driver" ????? 10/10

EATYIGNIN TIJOK;L'HE????

oh fuck this is a really good hill i gotta die on this

rich people seeing mount everest

General tumblr reminder, since some people don't know: If the person's URL has "deactivated" plus a string of numbers (a date) after it, that means that they manually deleted their own blog. It doesn't mean they were banned. Banned blogs don't have "deactivated" after them and will just be the normal URL you can't click on or interact with. They look very similar and function the same, but they were caused by two very different things.

thats not true i dont think people would do that

My mom is waxing poetic about cheese tonight

average college residence hall

this stupid little beaver bitch

turn around and drive 581 miles in the opposite direction to see bucee. fuck you

“mould” is so much moldier than just “mold”

Apples are so fucked up you can get two from the same pile ans one tastes more like an apple than anything youve ever eaten and the other tastes like water poisoned by pharaohs

ive gotten so much mileage out of this tweet. every time i see something on the internet that makes me mad i just think to myself "people in real life: hey man how's it going" and i keep it pushing

hush little baby dont you cry. mamas gonna buy you a big horse fly. and if that big horse fly dont fly. mamas gonna buy you another horse fly

[club mix] another horse fly. another horse fly

when I was in high school my dad was speeding like crazy because I was running late to my job at the cemetery. and the cop who pulled him over gave him three whole tickets because who the hell goes 95 in a 25??? but then, when my dad went to court the cop didn’t show, and so the judge looked over at the charges and just couldn’t believe it. he thought the cop must’ve been so racist that he made it up because who the hell goes 95 in a 25? so my dad got all 3 tickets dismissed bc of racism. that he didn’t even experience because he was in fact going 95 in a 25.

to clarify. my dad used to be a cab driver in ny and he also grew up in india so he just drives like a dickhead.

It's reallly annoying that oversleeping is like. 100% inefficient. There is no benefit you gain, you basically just lost a bunch of hours from your life. You're not even less sleepy afterwards