Like a time bomb ticking..

SEX IS COOL BUT HAVE YOU EVER FUCKED YOUR LIFE UP

donald trump look like he fighting death so hard lmao just close your eyes and walk towards the light my guy

awfully bold to assume he’ll see a light

to be fair, fire does emit a light

once u start thinking “oh i think i need to sit down in the shower for a little while” it’s literally all down hill from there

In a weird place between wanting quarantine to end because my mental health is absolutely spiraling, and hoping quarantine continues because I can’t imagine going back into functioning society again.

I’m glad I’m not the only one having this crisis.

are you living or are you just jumping from one obsession to the other to run away from yourself

what are you the coping mechanism police or something

she’s not into you shes just social

me when i see my cat rub against someone i don’t like

a drawing about optimism

I don’t know why but that last line made me laugh really hard

this is one of my favourite comic strips of all time

what is “lore”

Me, putting my sheets into the washing machine: this is going to be the best gonna smell so good be so soft and comfy

Me, having to put the sheets back on: why does god allow suffering

My goal in life? Me and my girlfriend are on holiday somewhere where they speak Spanish. We’re at a restaurant. The server comes up to us to ask us what we want to order. I speak to the waiter. My Spanish is flawless. My girlfriend looks at me in awe. We don’t end up eating dinner bc we go back to the hotel where she fucks me senseless. The end.

Wow, the people at duolingo are really getting more creative with their ads

It’s her hole and it’s none of your business

Had a dream that McDonald’s had a big ad campaign that just said “WE HAVE IT” in black cryptic writing. So I went to a drive thru and said “I saw the sign. Can I have it” and the speaker was silent for a solid ten seconds before saying “do you think you’re ready” in my voice and I screamed and drove away

by far the best “meme” is british lads over reacting to something normal like “IANS BLOODY GOT A WHOLE LOAF OF BREAD IN HIS FREEZER, WHAT AN ABSOLUTE MAD MAN!!!”. Gotta love Ian. 

IAN THE NUT CASE BLOODY PICKED UP  A BROOM AND STARTED SWEEPING AT THE CLUB! CERTIFIED LEDGE!!! 

YEAH BUT HE’S NOT AS MAD AS DEAN 

DEAN YOU ABSOLUTE MADMAN, YOU ABSOLUTE LEDGE, YOU’RE SUCH A LEGEND YOU’RE PRACTICALLY A FOOT

It would be so nice to be in an apartment right now with really big open windows and lots of bright light pouring in and and long curtains and the smell of rain floating through it

The Millennial generation is so broke we’re romanticizing decent housing.

Im so sad