Realizing I need to cut off people who have justified or denied being repeatedly shitty to me, is disgustingly sad. Why is it so sad? For a long time I held on to people who were actively hurting me—petty actions create deep pain— but I wasnt saying enough out of fear of being alone. Recently I woke up one day and decided that no longer would people punish me for doing things wrong despite trying my best, manipulate me into a resolution that involves silencing myself, ghost me due to their inability to own their truth (hey dad!), sensationalize me and my trauma, use my body to create friction in social situations that involve other femme’s insecurities, ignore me cause theyre having too much fun and dont need emotional support, gaslight me when i say i feel disrespected, mock things i love and expect me to laugh, complain about my sensitivity towards sexuality and touch, hit up my crushes like my feelings are disposable, coerce me into taking their side in complicated situations of multiple traumatized people, use me for my creations and dispose of me when you realize Im an actual human with complicated boundaries...... Theres too many burned bridges Ive been crawling out from beneath for the last 7 years; amidst this bullshit quest for agency..... But I found it! So here is to a future of knowing that my higher self is fine....

.... even tho its lonely as hell at the top.

I LOVE MERCURY RETROGRADE

I love being reminded that I have shit to deal with. I love when people say that drama happens and things break and bills accumulate because of Mercury; when Mercury is just reminding them they gotta deal with the mess they (or someone else) created a long ass time ago. I love when ppl dont believe in the affect of cellestial bodies (other than the sun) but all their exes r hitting them up during Mercury retrograde and theyre like wtf. Maybe its not your fault; but its time to heal the fuck up <3

sick and fucking tired.

now what.