me: i’m fine

internally: *the tunnel scene from willy wonka*

Apps To Kill Time On

Keep seeing some posts circulating about popular websites and wanted to make a version for apps.

These are apps I’m way too addicted to. Am I missing any?

P.S. I’m on an iPhone so these are iPhone apps, but probably have an Android version too.

Edit: Sorry for all the time I’ve taken away from your life

You’re welcome 😉

you still have so many years to meet so many people you never knew you could love so much

Moments after @rheabutcher banned me from cutting butternut squash bc it’s “too dangerous.”

This is the “you need to boil the water for instant noodles” couple. Who’s going to volunteer and teach them how to cook safely and and efficiently?

Me, walking up to a gay couple: so which one of you tries to heat up noodles without adding water and which one of you breaks out the toolbox to slice vegetables?

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE:

Keep reading

Sharks live in salt water because pepper water would make them sneeze

I’m the screaming at the last second

cuz im strong

Take Me Home, Country Roads by John Denver except it’s playing from your neighbor’s radio that you can hear from your back porch, which you sit out on to relax in spite of the loud buzzing from the lightbulb and the hoards of moths that flock to it on summer evenings like this.

stg every West Virginian has heard this exact

thing

THE PUPPY FELL ASLEEP 😭

you promised these kids krabby the clown

but all i saw was

cheapy the cheapskate

Did you know it’s far easier to convince ladies to not eat Tide Pods, but it’s harder to deter gents?

me as a hotel receptionist: *greets guests by playing hotel california but cutting it off right before they say california*