WHY IS TAIKA SO FUCKIN EXTRA?!

You run a tattoo parlor. Every couple of weeks, the same customer comes in, always requesting the same tattoo: an additional tally mark on an ever-growing cluster of tally marks.

“what are you counting”

“how many tattoos i’ve gotten”

“i’m no longer serving you”

THIS WAS A CHILDRENS MOVIE

A CHILDRENS BIBLE MOVIE

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Amen

When my Mum was pregnant with me she was in the pub and this random creepy elderly woman that nobody ever saw before or since told her that she was going to have a boy and when I was born everyone was like “the creepy lady was wrong” but it turned out I’m trans and THE PUB WITCH WAS RIGHT!

I WAS FORETOLD BY THE PUB WITCH

Witches are always pro-trans culture, transphobes cannot be witches.

those little things on ur nose aren’t blackheads, don’t try and get rid of them they’re sebaceous filaments and they’re permanent and literally everyone has them

every girl has that little pouch of fat on her lower tummy, despite what magazines try n show u, you have important organs there that need to be protected don’t try and get rid of ur pouch

ur body is smarter than u think and it knows what to do when u eat more than normal. one bad day, or even week, of eating poorly isn’t gonna ruin anything at all I pinky promise

if u think u look good up until u try taking a selfie, it’s not ur fault - our faces are asymmetrical and when u see ur face flipped it will look unnatural to u, since u don’t see it that way when u look in the mirror. to everyone else it looks perfectly fine

no one’s stomach looks the same at 8pm as it does at 8am. no one has a chiseled six pack after a day of eating, not even the super fit people u see on tumblr, because ur stomach naturally expands after eating and expecting to have a flat tummy before bed is very unrealistic

no one notices if the bags under ur eyes are bad today. no one pays attention to the bump in ur nose or the zit on ur chin or the piece of hair that u missed when u were straightening. literally no one notices these things except you so stop worrying about it ur gonna be fine

sometimes u just gotta get over urself

this made me cry I needed it so bad

boring & disrespectful: “oh, i can’t survive without my morning coffee”, “energy drink makes it so that i can get through my boring work”, and so on

living properly: treating caffeinated beverages like very mysterious & powerful magical potions that can give us unforeseen abilities

drink 15 cups of coffee in a day and you can clip through walls

me, approaching my local barista with trepidation and awe: potion seller. I am going into battle and I require your strongest potion.

potion seller: trenta macchiato plus five shots as usual, then?

me, extending my credit card with a trembling hand: fuck me up

This post is unnecessarily hateful at the beginning

Shaggy broke the fourth wall

Her name is Callie Lou-Bee Haywood and here’s the gofundme link if you’re able to help!

#BlackTransLivesMatter

The police pull my lifeless body from a lake but I’m wearing the funniest hat they’ve ever seen and they can’t stop laughing and keep dropping me back into the water

I just farted in my wallet.

Now I have gas money.

What song is this Nicki verse from?

this is from a town in spain that in San fermines instead of bulls uses a giant ball and its so funny watching it on tumblr 

UNMUTE

Please oh please, UNMUTE

OH MY GOD I LAUGHED SO HARD I SLMOST BLACKED OUT