Happy 10 year anniversary to this absolutely foundational post

i was going to learn 12 languages, read 250 books and learn 75 new skills this year what happened

I think about Matti every day

new wifi name

I have no grander ambitions in life I simply want to live with people I love, play videod Game, and sink my teeth into all the kinds of eatery on this earth

Elf video games: 300 hour jrpgs with legions of characters and several novels worth of text. Labrynthine upgrade trees and customization options. The most insufferably unintuitive UI possible. A single turn based battle can take hours. Every character has an ennui stat.

Dwarf video games: Basebuilding strategy FPSs that has a whole wiki page on the flexile vs tensile strengths of different building materials. Dwarven rhythm games have minigames where you have to manage supply lines. Mortals cannot comprehend dwarven grand strategy games.

Halfling video games: What appears on the surface to be a viscerally calming farming sim is actually an extraordinarily complex social combat game about cutthroat HOA politics.

Goblin video games: Wildly unbalanced collectathon gatchas where half the fun is finding new hilariously broken strategies. Zany uberviolent team shooters about bugs. MOBAs so bad it's almost art.

Orc video games: Addictive in-browser flash games with names like "Beast Crush 4" and "Borag Meat Game." The art is always kinda bad but in a charming way. The music always slaps.

Goblin code looks incomprehensible but if you take the time to look through it, you realize it's actually optimized in ways you never thought were even possible. Goblins are responsible for like 75% of every games modding community. Goblins all run Linux.

There is no orc game larger than a gigabyte. There are legends of an orc coder who successfully ran DOOM on a raw lamb shank.

Halfling code is full of charming little comments like "//whew! This routine was a real nut to optimize" that you eventually come to learn are expressions of deep, murderous rage.

Elf code rhymes.

Crusty memes

i was with my mother’s family and they were talking to me about my religious studies major. my great aunt asked me what the definition of hell was, and i responded “well i suppose it depends on who you ask.” and nearly all the protestants in the group decided that hell was “the absence of god” which i suppose is a fair answer, albeit not a universal one. my cousin’s wife was playing with her 3-year-old daughter and she says “well mommy says that hell is a mcdonald’s playplace” asdfghjhgfd

this 3-year-old girl is so fucking hilarious. her mothers have signed her up for a toddler yoga class, and so she has adopted a very unique language. this child also has an imaginary friend named “mom” which is, in her mind, the boss of her two mothers. for example, my cousin’s wife explained to me how her daughter got mad at them one time. the little girl situated herself in the corner of her crib, pretended to type on a cell phone and said “well im writing an email to mom right now and telling her how bad you two are. namaste.”

Namaste??? Hello 911 I’d like to report a murder

apparently when i was born the…guy after the midwife? the baby doctor? was this russian guy with HUGE hands who just sorta. squeezed my head (my dad says he was worried that he was gonna crush me like a coke can) and was like “this is a strong baby”

“That Lion only eats good food”

Wait this rules.

I thought this was some weird Christian game but wow

There is literally no way to anticipate how this video ends

my therapist: so how are you doing today?

me:

Is your therapist washing you?

used her hand sanitizer