*cracks my knuckles* alright, life update time
feels kinda weird coming back here and looking at this old shitpost blog again from when I was very young and silly in college cuz I feel like I'm a completely different person
so basically:
- went thru a deep depression around the tail end of college that lasted a few years into grad school (sorry for dropping off the face of the earth, I still think about all of you fondly)
- made a shitload of jojo comics to cope
- spent my mid-20s unpacking a lot of crap and working on my mental health cuz hoo boy I did not have energy for much at all
- lost friends and made friends over the years
- became a social recluse and it made me feel less stressed lmao
- BEST PART!!! I got diagnosed and treated for adhd at the start of 2022 and everything in my life made so much sense and now life is less overwhelming and my grades are fucking awesome lol
- and now I'm working on my doctorate! \o/
but also? now that I look through this blog, I don't think I've been that cringe and free in a very long time, it makes me nostalgic even though I was a lot more immature back then, I seemed much happier when I had no filters lmao
although, it's also kinda sad to see that the same paranoid thoughts I used to have were still prevalent even years later, but it turns out I had a shitload of anxiety lol, but I've been doing a lot better ever since I decided to prioritize my mental health cuz I had zero self-awareness about my own state of being
but also, I think I got extremely lucky. This was a designated space for me to be cringe and stupid and make little mistakes and have fun, and I am so grateful to have had this space to grow up in cuz it kept me sane when the going got tough (and it got tough many times)
to my friends and everyone from the bonkle and joj fandom who sent me asks and replies and was generally amused and bewildered by whatever the hell was going on here but still humored me, I cannot emphasize enough how thankful I am for your patience and good faith, that was a rarity back then and it's even more of a rarity now
but anyway, good news is I've been getting so much better at art over the years, I've been sticking to my guns and going ham in the realms of fiction (having a supportive environment really does wonders) and I've become so much less hesitant and more at ease with exploring ideas in art like I did through walls of text here. I think I didn't care so much about text cuz I felt such a big disconnect between what I personally felt versus what ideas I explored, but somehow I was squeamish about what I wanted to express through art lol, I guess I was embarrassed cuz it seemed too personal instead of a brain exercise? Either way, now it's just as much of a brain exercise as my walls of texts, so I got over that hangup.
I am a powerful artist now *flexes*
As for the future, I'm still contemplating what I'm going to be doing on tumblr cuz I've been weaning myself off of twitter, but I'll decide on that later. Maybe I'll stay, maybe I won't, I'm not gonna make any promises that I can't keep but I can say with certainty that I'm just gonna feel things out and we'll see. This may not be a satisfying answer, but I'm still stuck in doctoral hell so things are still looking unpredictable lmao
I hope everyone who's still here (and not here) is doing alright though, you're all wonderful ;o;
