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Dreamer

@l0sey0urs0ul / l0sey0urs0ul.tumblr.com

So, this is my life. I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.
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are-soul

~

And murderer…

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e-crimes

And a rapist. And he kidnapped his victim and held her against her will. Like seriously, I fully understand that this is (generally speaking) mostly the fault of the screen adaptations of the novel, which tend to paint it as a love story, and you have to remember that all the actresses who have played Lolita have been older than she was. Even the above image uses a film representation of Lolita which is inaccurate, but it is iconic and probably purposeful so w/e.

If you think Lolita is romantic, you should read the book while consistently and purposely reminding yourself H.H. is a pedophile, and he’s manipulating you. Seriously, the whole thing with Lolita as a text is that the narrator is unreliable. Please also try to keep in mind that Lolita is 12 - 15 in the book, and that H.H. deliberately conceals his age from the reader by being vague and cryptic, but he’s roughly around 37 - 42 across the whole timeline of the story, if you do the maths he gives you. 

H.H. literally rapes Lolita every single fucking day for over two years. It isn’t romantic, that was never the point. H.H. is fully aware he’s a rapist, too, he describes it as rape offhandedly, but still as rape. 

What you should be doing when you read Lolita is looking at all the ways pedophilia, date rape, statutory rape, forcible rape, kidnapping, murder, assault, molestation, etc are played down and normalised through beautiful prose and slight of narrative hand. 

That’s why Lolita is a classic novel. Because it’s terrifying that we can so easily be made to side with a monster and blame the victim based on the lies the monster tells us, so long as he makes it sound pleasant. Lolita was never controversial or banned because it’s a story about a rapist and his victim, it was controversial because it forced the reader to sympathize with a child rapist.

It’s about manipulation and language and victim blaming even when the crime is completely black and white. That’s what Lolita is about. Lolita is not a love story, it is not romantic, and if you think it is then the book has defeated you. 

Lolita is not about a “young girl who seduces an older man,” nor is it a fashion statement, nor does it have anything to do with DD/lg or sexual kinks/fetishes, or love, or star-crossed lovers, or pastel coloured frocks, or suspenders, or choker necklaces and collars and pet tags, or consensual relationships between two heterosexual adults who happen to have a large age gap between them. It’s about a pedophile who falls in love with his landlady’s 12 year old daughter, marries said landlady so he can have full access to her daughter, kidnaps her daughter after she is hit by a car and killed, then travels across America for a year with the daughter while raping her everyday, gets a house far away from the girl’s only friends and family, continues to rape her everyday, takes to the road again still raping her everyday, until she runs away with another rapist because she’s so desperate to get away from him. That’s the bare bones of it. It’s not about sex or romance, there is never any kind of consensual sex between them, or arguably at all in the novel as a whole.

Go read the academic essays that take H.H.’s side when you’re done. There’s plenty of them, they aren’t hard to find. Look at what they call Dolores Haze. Read the abomination that is Lo’s Diary. Look at how they treat her, look at how they talk about how she’s the monster, the perpetrator, the devil child, the whore, the temptress, evil, plotting, violent, harpy, shrew. Even though she was 12. Then you’ll understand what Lolita’s about. 

Can I also just say while I’m here, that Lolita was an extremely important novel when it was published because very little had been done in the way of looking at how child sexual abuse affects children as they move toward and into adulthood, nor were there any hard statistics on child sexual abuse, and Lolita brought the subject into the public eye and caused actual interest in the subject that there hadn’t been before, inspiring research on the subject that was the foundation for what we know today. That wouldn’t have happened when it did if not for Lolita, and we may not be where we are today in terms of knowledge, awareness and resources. By no means the only thing, but it was really important toward it. A lot of people who read the book and see H.H. for what he is think the book is pointless and smut, but the book is so important in it’s historical context, just like any other banned and/or censored piece of fiction (see Ulysses for a start). 

And finally, here’s a quote from the novel quote that I feel like sums everything up:

We had been everywhere. We had really seen nothing. And I catch myself thinking today that our long journey had only defiled with a sinuous trail of slime the lovely, trustful, dreamy, enormous country that by then, in retrospect, was no more to us than a collection of dog-eared maps, ruined tour books, old tires, and her sobs in the night - every night, every night - the moment I feigned sleep.

👆👆Absolutely fucking perfect. Thank you!!!

BOOST!

I couldn’t agree anymore! This book is really crazy and brilliantly written.

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To any suicidal followers I may have: This is a sign to not kill yourself. You are loved and the world is special because you are in it. Keep holding on.

Reblog this when it’s on your dash. You will save someone’s life.

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1. push yourself to get up before the rest of the world - start with 7am, then 6am, then 5:30am. go to the nearest hill with a big coat and a scarf and watch the sun rise. 2. push yourself to fall asleep earlier - start with 11pm, then 10pm, then 9pm. wake up in the morning feeling re-energized and comfortable. 3. get into the habit of cooking yourself a beautiful breakfast. fry tomatoes and mushrooms in real butter and garlic, fry an egg, slice up a fresh avocado and squirt way too much lemon on it. sit and eat it and do nothing else. 4. stretch. start by reaching for the sky as hard as you can, then trying to touch your toes. roll your head. stretch your fingers. stretch everything. 5. buy a 1L water bottle. start with pushing yourself to drink the whole thing in a day, then try drinking it twice. 6. buy a beautiful diary and a beautiful black pen. write down everything you do, including dinner dates, appointments, assignments, coffees, what you need to do that day. no detail is too small. 7. strip your bed of your sheets and empty your underwear draw into the washing machine. put a massive scoop of scented fabric softener in there and wash. make your bed in full. 8. organise your room. fold all your clothes (and bag what you don’t want), clean your mirror, your laptop, vacuum the floor. light a beautiful candle. 9. have a luxurious shower with your favourite music playing. wash your hair, scrub your body, brush your teeth. lather your whole body in moisturiser, get familiar with the part between your toes, your inner thighs, the back of your neck. 10. push yourself to go for a walk. take your headphones, go to the beach and walk. smile at strangers walking the other way and be surprised how many smile back. bring your dog and observe the dog’s behaviour. realise you can learn from your dog. 11. message old friends with personal jokes. reminisce. suggest a catch up soon, even if you don’t follow through. push yourself to follow through. 13. think long and hard about what interests you. crime? sex? boarding school? long-forgotten romance etiquette? find a book about it and read it. there is a book about literally everything. 14. become the person you would ideally fall in love with. let cars merge into your lane when driving. pay double for parking tickets and leave a second one in the machine. stick your tongue out at babies. compliment people on their cute clothes. challenge yourself to not ridicule anyone for a whole day. then two. then a week. walk with a straight posture. look people in the eye. ask people about their story. talk to acquaintances so they become friends. 15. lie in the sunshine. daydream about the life you would lead if failure wasn’t a thing. open your eyes. take small steps to make it happen for you.

A self care list. I’ve been working on this. I promise it’s worth it.  (via alunit)

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tatlmaslany

i miss sarah manning i miss cosima niehaus i miss alison hendrix i miss helena i miss krystal golderitch i miss rachel duncan i miss beth childs i miss tony sawicki i miss delphine cormier i miss donnie hendrix i miss siobhan sadler i miss felix dawkins i miss gemma hendrix i miss oscar hendrix i miss kira i miss cal morrison i miss jesse i miss arthur bell i miss scott smith i miss gracie johanssen i miss mark rollins i miss bobby i miss sarah stubbs i miss shay davydov i miss ferdinand i miss charlotte i miss kendall malone i miss denise the cat i miss orphan black 

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reblogged

l0sey0urs0ul I am fat and anyone who’s met me could tell you that, I can acknowledge that and I’d be lying to myself if I didn’t. Thank you for always being so kind, I don’t know if I’m a good inspiration to people, I actually fuck up a lot so I hope people don’t fuck up like me but if anyone does ever take positive inspiration from me then I see that as a great honour. xx

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l0sey0urs0ul

Well that's your portrayal of yourself. You are most welcome, my lovely. You are so cute and adorable and I can't wait for the day we finally meet one another. You've taught me so many things and I'm so grateful for that. Keep being groovy and smiling xx

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