arsondotpng

onion not even doing satire at this point

"Rent should be no more than 30% of household income" is a really funny and roundabout way to say "property owners as a class are entitled to 30% of gross wages"

I’m so emotional about dinosaur stuffed animals,,, there are these creatures, extinct long before any of us were alive, but we found their bones and their eggs and their footprints. And we made drawings and models of what they could’ve looked like. And we made them into stuffed animals so we could hold them. We made them soft so we could love them. I’m sobbing

Yeah, we're the animal so preoccupied with petting other animals we're sort of collectively upset there are animals we never get to pet, so we make proxies to snuggle and tell their ghosts we'd have loved them if they were here.

...and tell their ghosts we'd have loved them if they were here.

Hang on i just have to cry for a minute

@conspiring-limabean

the elusive 7 act Structure

i think its so funny that alumni from schools like harvard and columbia that were there during the protests in the 60s-80s are expressing support for students currently protesting against the genocide in palestine, and random zionists that were NOT at these protests in the 60s-80s have the never ending audacity to tell these alumni "well thats different, what you protested was good and what they're protesting is bad." as if protesters against the vietnam war and apartheid south africa were not also demonized, arrested, brutalized, and even killed for their activism. history only remembers them fondly after the damage has already been done.

can't stop thinking about that one tweet that says "there's starbucks in egypt?" in response to the news of egypt's success in boycotting starbucks

many people don't know this but there are starbucks in the middle east except that they're placed strategically so as to be just as far away from civilization as to ensure that by the time visitors travel deep enough into the desert for it, their steps start getting unsteady and the camera starts wobbling from the heat and they just barely have enough strength to drop to their knees at the oasis and start lapping at the white chocolate mocha blended iced frappucino lake

saw a poll about dry/humid heat and like OBVIOUSLY everyone preferred dry heat but. would love to know what everyone considers to be “too hot”

me personally it’s a hard cutoff at 75°F. don’t need anything more than that thank you 🫶🫶🫶

This is privilege. My partner had an "essential job" all through the pandemic. He was not allowed to work from home either. If he'd pulled this he would've been fired.

Well, yeah. But if people who have enough privilege to take a stand against workplace exploitation do take a stand, that helps slow down the ongoing creep of how much they're allowed to dick you around at work.

Make no mistake, by "not allowed to work from home," this employer meant "you will not be paid for work you do at home," while clearly expecting the employee to do work (such as answering work emails and taking work calls) while at home. (If the employer didn't expect that, then they wouldn't have noticed when the worker stopped doing it.)

If you're expected to respond when the boss summons you outside of work hours, you are on-call. If you're on-call, you should be paid.

Expecting white-collar workers to be on-call for no extra pay is wage theft, no different from if a retail or food service employee is told to, "Clock out before you clean up/close out your station, so you don't go over your hours."

(And yes, this example happens a lot. If it happens to you, in the US, you should report it to the Department of Labor. It's confidential; your employer will never find out it was you who turned them in.)

aren't gorillas gentle giants or something. i stay out of his way, he doesn't maul me, we have a nice time picking out clothes together in opposite sides of the mall

Male gorillas are super aggressive and territorial. Also they interpret nearly every human mannerism as a sign of aggression or a challenge. Smiling and eye contact are both things that zookeepers have to be taught to suppress when they’re in the vicinity of gorillas.

Well unless the mall is his native territory I think I'm fine, I wasn't planning on smiling at him

This is all irrelevant because the obvious answer is five black mambas. I mean, that’s not actually very many snakes, and malls are fucking huge. And unlike a gorilla you can definitely outrun a snake if it does show up. Find an open space in the mall where you can see any snake coming and just hangout out there. Fucking easy.

Misguided! I would much rather have a mallmate I can easily see and hear coming. I'm confident I can stay out of the gorilla's way, but if I step on a snake or one otherwise gets the jump on me, it's all over.

It's not just about the physical danger either, it's about my mental health. One gorilla, unless he's actively mad at me, I just keep a healthy distance between us and make sure I never get trapped. With the snakes, it requires a lot more constant vigilance

They should substitute "chimpanzee" for "gorilla" in this hypothetical.

if it was a chimp i'm taking the fucking snakes

Black mambas have a reputation build on being very venomous and very fast. I'm not sure why you would think you could outrun one (or five) in an enclosed space like a mall.

Malls usually have pretty slick floors, and escalators. I’d choose the gorilla simply because I think that would make an more interesting story (and a better-selling autobiography, I Survived the Mall Gorilla) but I think I’d stand a pretty good chance at avoiding the mamba. They’re fast and aggressive and will chase you but unless we started immediately beside each other I think my sneakers would have the terrain advantage over scutes.

this is too good to leave hidden in the replies

fucking enamored with the implication that this gorilla is fully intelligent but is trying to manufacture plausible deniability like the movie barnyard

The threead continues:

The book linked is free to read and download. See the link above.

if you’re a transfem you should read this, and if you’re not you should reblog it for your transfem friends & followers, the advice in here is extremely good and the grips breaks are not hard to practice!!

—

Meadows, Giuliani and other Trump allies charged in Arizona 2020 election probe

Put them all in prison for the rest of their lives, please.

Hundreds of Jewish anti-war demonstrators have been arrested during a Passover seder that doubled as a protest in New York, as they shut down a major thoroughfare to pray for a ceasefire and urge the Senate majority leader, Chuck Schumer, to end US military aid to Israel.

The 300 or so arrests took place on Tuesday night at Grand Army Plaza, on the doorstep of Schumer’s Brooklyn residence, where thousands of mostly Jewish New Yorkers gathered for the seder, a ritual that marked the second night of the holiday celebrated as a festival of freedom by Jews worldwide.

The seder came just before the US Senate resoundingly passed a military package that includes $26bn for Israel.

art by @BottlngSunshine

Is it about butchering black girls’ hair to keep white people comfortable? Is it about a woman visiting the same violence on her daughter as was done to her by her mother a generation prior? Is this girl just too… “different” to go into the world unaltered? Does she need to be toned down so she can succeed? Does she need to be defenseless before she is deemed safe by powerful people who would do her harm if given half a reason? Is one of those people holding those scissors?

[I.D. digital art of a young girl medusa sitting in a chair in a kitchen, crying as a woman cuts the heads off of medusa’s snakes. the woman’s head is out of frame, but her blonde hair is visible as she pulls three snakes taught, beginning to chop them with scissors as blood spurts. four snakes have been cut already, their remains lying dead on the floor as the rest of the snakes, all sporting pink bows around their necks, cower in fear. the majority of the illustration has been colored in black and deep saturated yellows and oranges, while medusa’s skin and hair are green. her pinafore has the same color palette as the background. her knees are also scuffed, bruised with orange and one of them bandaged. her cut strands of snake hair are not bandaged and continue to bleed. end I.D.]

There’s a sequel!

“Becoming Me.” by BottlingSunshine

Image ID: A digital illustration of a young Medusa woman braiding her green snakes in front of a mirror and while her eyes are covered with a sleep mask. The mirror is centered in the drawing and surrounded by the orange-pink background. She is wearing a white sleep mask with “closed eyes” on it and a black top with white lacey ruffles at the collar and cuffs. Two snake heads are seen in the mirror while the rest are out of view. The front of the vanity holding the mirror is littered with various dolls and stuffed animals with their eyes crossed out, candy, an image of eyes in a round frame that are also crossed out, nail polish in pink and black, ribbons, and a friendship bracelet plus polaroids. The wall above the vanity is pink and near-white striped and covered in small polaroids or photos taped on the wall and various portraits in yellow frames. The yellow frames show the woman as a young girl holding her arms anxiously with her head cut off from view, covering her face, or simply have dark static backgrounds. There is a sharpie on the lower shelf of the vanity. End iD

From the artist, re: the second image.

Once my boyfriend told me: "You're not a burden. A burden is something you're forced to carry against your will. I freely choose to be a part of your life and that means you aren't a burden to me." I'm passing it on in case some of you need to be reminded of that.

You know who you are and I fucking love you okay. I would kill god with you because it means I get to help you.

Solidarity with Columbia students. ✌🏻🇵🇸🍉