i've changed so much in ways i did not think were possible for me. it's been a long, long time now since i've done a lot of mourning, healing, soul-searching, and rediscovering myself. i altered myself in ways that i shouldn't have, to keep a relationship going that wasn't good for neither of us. we should have ended it sooner, but we were both young and naive, and filled with endless hope.

you probably still hate me, which i hope you do, so that it's easier to live your life without thinking of me. my heart shattered when you said all those hateful things about me, and that message being the last thing you ever said to me. i'm sorry i couldn't mourn over my childhood pet faster, but i think it might have been a blessing in disguise. we both grew up, were in different paths in life, and it was no longer something we could do together. we both knew we were growing apart and the distance wasn't helping. i was finally freed, although it hurt like a fresh wound being doused in alcohol. i might not think of you often now, unless i'm being triggered, but i still care for you and hope you are doing well. i'm sorry i couldn't keep our lifelong promises and make you happy, but it seems i wasn't meant to be your soulmate.

i found someone who cares about me in a way that's different than the way you loved me. it's healthier for me, and she's always doing her best for us. she's motivated me to chase my own dreams that i didn't know i had, and we're together in los angeles. we both have a ragdoll cat, i just got mine last week after finally deciding it was time to have a new companion at my place. she is the sweetest kitten ever, and i know she will teach me a lot about love as well. we go on really nice dates, and i'm finally able to hold hands in public without feeling terrified. i feel so safe and cared for with this person, and i hope you feel the same because it feels so wonderful to be this happy and successful, it's a dream.

you never allowed me to have closure because you said never to speak to you again, you told me all these hateful things about me, totally crushing my soul, and the things you told me from your point of view, i had no idea about because you never spoke to me about it. i acted as the bigger person and left it at that, even though i had a lot to say as well. i didn't want to hurt your feelings the way you did to me, because i felt it was too cruel for any human to feel. i broke down reading it, because you never told me any of those things, you were never truly honest with me, and it made me feel so guilty that i felt like i turned you into an insecure person.

i am writing this for my own closure, whether you stumble upon it one day or not, this will be out in the open so that one day you may. i finally feel like i have healed enough from this relationship enough to finally write a goodbye letter to you who may never see this in this lifetime. i hope you're as successful as you dreamed to be, and with someone who takes care of you and your family well, the way i dreamed of doing once upon a time. thank you for everything, and take care!