Just Keep Swimming ;)

a President makes a new law that anyone shorter than him gets executed but he accidentally makes it an amendment to the constitution so it applies to future presidents too, in the next elections theres a frenzy of people voting for the shortest president so they dont die and this is how they end up electing a 3 foot tall man named Pinwheel Patrick who goes on to become the most tyrannical dictator the world has ever seen

this should be in history books

In the beginning, there was nothing. And then God, a woman, said, “Let there be Gina!”

the wildest thing happened to me the other day i found out a male coworker is into irish music so i told him that my dad is an irish musician and would he like to come to a session and he straight up irl said to me “name 5 irish songs your dad knows”

he asked me if i play and i told him i played the fiddle when i was a teenager but havent played in years and he was like “oh cool. i play drums” as in a drum kit you know the famously folkish instrument the drum kit. bitch my name is molly o'reilly you really wanna challenge the legitimacy of my irish music involvement

i can name 5 songs with my name in them

He really snapped on the other ‘Chrises’

me as a parent

me at 2.37am: okay guess i’ll go to bed at 3

the rational part of my brain: why not right now 

me: logical arguments will only be heard at half and full hours, sorry

Gonna be a bomb ass wife someday.

This guy wants to be mad but can’t

it’s like looking in a mirror 

i just idly thought about the idea of a computer downloading sexualities so i made a comic. i thought it was funny but it might not be

is it fucking weird to anyone else to think that deer are like, everywhere

like, i tend to think of them as a north american animal, but

I like how they just avoid Mongolia

Mongolia has an anti-deer forcefield.