Erin's Mind

I don’t take a selfie every day anymore. But here’s a selfie, from the end of a good weekend. I got to hold a less than 3 week old baby multiple times. I was able to open my home to our neighbor’s 10 year old who needed an escape from sister play dates, and teach her more about the dungeons and dragons character she is playing in the game I just started with her and her sister and parents last week. I got to open our home to the big sister of the baby, and teach her a little bit more about how to play the piano, and let her help me water the plants. We moved everything out of our storage unit and into the garage. We got the final touches on the Murphy bed assembly finished. We had dinner with friends three of the last four nights. I am almost done with my first target memory for EMDR. A seemingly small, simple playground rejection from early grade school, that a 7 year old me never finished processing, and I get to sense that part of me feeling comforted and ready to move forward. And I know me right now is, too. I’ve gone through the most catastrophic loss I’ve ever experienced in the last 6 months. But the clouds are breaking. There is fresh air blowing in, and so much good good life right in front of me. I have a wife I love, who loves me. We both have jobs we love. Hard at times, but good hard, and we get to do such important work. We get to hold each other and make space for each other. We have a beautiful, growing community around us. There’s so much that isn’t good. There’s so much I wish I could fix or change. So many ways I wish I could help that I can’t. So many things to worry about. But these days, my focus is very narrow and close. I can’t change the world. But I can do good in my one small pocket. I can’t undo suffering and pain. I can’t right all wrongs. But I can heal. And I can make a path and space for other people’s healing. And maybe, if that’s all you can do, it’s more than enough. https://www.instagram.com/p/CoT-bNmrI6B/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

8/21: today’s productivity has been more internal than external. Thankful for the ability to recognize both. #erinselfies2022 https://www.instagram.com/p/Chi58darShw/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

8/20: I organized so much today, while watching all 4 parts of the FLDS documentary on Netflix which was… whoof, a lot. #erinselfies2022 https://www.instagram.com/p/Chi515nrcCw/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

8/19: I’m in the clear today, at least per work standards (and a negative antigen test), though Megan is about 3-4 days behind me. We’re both feeling well enough for a couple of errands, though, and it’s nice to be out of the apartment briefly! #erinselfies2022 https://www.instagram.com/p/ChdCjEkPrGR/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

8/18: confession, this picture is also from 8/17 because I forgot to take a selfie on Thursday but apparently forgot I had already taken one on Wednesday and took a second one in the evening, and you wouldn’t be able to tell it’s the same day, but at least it’s another intentional selfie just a few hours before midnight so anyway I’m counting it. Instead of a late selfie it’s an early selfie! Anyway, Fred likes to be on the desk if I’m at the desk, and I was feeling well enough to join my weekly D&D game 😊 #erinselfies2022 https://www.instagram.com/p/ChdCNfPPjTp/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

8/17: Covid day 9, sleeping a lot but otherwise feeling much better #erinselfies2022 https://www.instagram.com/p/ChdBdAyvFh8/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

8/16: Day 8 of COVID and I still have COVID 👍🏻 #erinselfies2022 https://www.instagram.com/p/ChWQAXVu0ja/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

8/15: COVID day 7 is back to napping apparently… #erinselfies2022 https://www.instagram.com/p/ChS5SF-vSZT/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

8/14: the identity crisis of taking your picture from a different angle. Covid day 6 I’m feeling the most on the mend since I got sick. Taking it easy, and Sudafed and throat coat tea are still getting me through the day, but much less of a zombie! Now it’s Megan’s turn to take 3 naps every day. #erinselfies2022 https://www.instagram.com/p/ChRGnPzO5HI/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

8/13: Covid day 5, almost feel human again except that I keep having coughing fits and I can’t breathe through my nose and my ears have needed to pop all day. At least my throat isn’t constantly on fire. #erinselfies2022 https://www.instagram.com/p/ChO96yHOdR8/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=