Connecting with myself: If I knew I had one year left to live, would there be anything I would want to fix or clean up?

Yes, I would like to finish a lot of my unfinished projects. I would like to finish the Christmas Stockings I am making for my sons (and have been making for years)

I would like to get all the crap I have kept for far too long out of my life.

I would like to get good at cooking Chinese food so that I can have some really good Chinese again before I die.

So tired...

I don't know why I am so tired today. But I am. I am feeling it in every part of my being.

I think what I really want is to just be done with all the stress of making choices for a while.

Also I don't know what is up with my colleagues right now, but damn if it feels like I can't get anything done because they can't seem to get anything done.

connecting with myself through questions: When I am at the end of life, what do I want to have accomplished?

I want to know that I have built a solid foundation for the engineering program I am building.

I want to know that I have helped to change the nature of engineering to one that is more empathetic and human centered.

I want to know that I have treated others with kindness and compassion.

Starting to connect with myself by answering some questions: What am I longing for most in life?

To be honest, this is a very difficult question for me to answer. This has alway been a tough one for me because I don't think I have ever had or found what I think of as a passion a deep longing. Calling? Yes. Longing...I am not even sure what that is, that said...there are things that keep returning to my mind and that I once enjoyed and miss.

Next piece that no one wants to read, but I need to post for my own feeling of accountability

I have mentioned before that my weight has creeped up by a not small amount over the last 3 years. I am reaching the point where I do need to do something about it, my HbA1c was at the edge of normal, but my fasting blood sugar was well above normal at my last blood work.

Struggling a bit with where to start...

So I will start with what is mostly driving me nuts today, and move backward through time to lay out everything that is driving me up the wall.

I bought a house. it will need some work, and I am excited about what we are going to do. But it is a lot.

I haven't been around much...I realized I missed it

This last year has been a crap load of changes and I allowed myself to basically drop Tumblr during all of those changes. I had what I thought were good reasons, but over the last several weeks I have realized that Tumblr has been my journal for the last 15 years, the place where I brain dump, vent, say things I can't say in my real life, and even post for accountability.

I realize that I don't have a lot of followers or even people who really track or miss me all that much, but honestly, here is where I post the things I need to get out of my head, or the things I want to hold myself accountable too, and I need that accountability.

I had been trying to put it in locations where I have more IRL people, but I find myself not posting, not sharing, and not putting it up and ultimately not acknowledging that I am even caring for myself.

The truth I realized this morning was that while sometimes Tumblr can feel like a place where I avoid my real life, it is most certainly where I let my most truest self exist.

So, like it or not...I will be back, because I need this place in my life. So over the next few days there may be quite a few TLDR posts where I just lay out all the things I have really needed to say for a while.

I grew up in Kentucky with UK fans surrounding me. I could care less about basketball despite being a Duke and UK alum. But I will say this…

I am glad that Calliperi is leaving UK and I hope he has a successful career wherever he goes. I also hope that the next coach hired by UK reads all the fan vitriol that comes to any coach UK hires who doesn’t win games. The fans love BBN, but are fair weather toward the coach at best. If the coach is doing well the BBN fans LOVE them. If the coach doesn’t get them every tournament win, they will threaten the coach’s life, make nasty comments about their family, and just be downright mean.

I don’t care that UK has one of the winningest teams in history, the fans are giant assholes and I hope that any coach they pursue realizes the absolute pressure they will be under.

turned on the trending movie on Netflix, just for fun. Can’t watch it though…the romantic lead plays such a horrible guy in another movie I watched that I cannot support him as the lead…oh well…

next!

I have started the process for looking at houses in my new location. The intention was not to run out and buy right now, but take our time and find something that works.

I went to a few houses on Monday and walked into one that I haven’t stopped thinking about. If it was just me; I would have put in an offer that day. But it isn’t so I called the husband and tried talking to him. Great house, fantastic price.

The house is under contract now.

J keeps saying that we don’t have to hurry because several houses he likes have been on the market for several months. He doesn’t believe me when I say that the houses that stay on the market are there because there is something wrong with them. We have to move, on the good ones.

Don’t judge me…

I have been streaming sister wives on max.

I am sure that a tone of this is semi-scripted BS. But damn. They all just hate each other.

I have been watching British baking shows for the last couple weeks.

I have realized that I have a very British humor….or maybe we are all just adolescents in our brains and low brow humor does it for me, especially when balanced by someone being “proper.”

I am going to vent. No need to read.

Dear FB Friend,

Winter travel is hard. Especially if you are coming through the northern mid-west.

Please stop pretending that you having to pay for a hotel 3 hours from home because you wanted wait out the flight rather than renting a car (or having your wife or child come get you) is somehow not a first world problem. You are 1) privileged to have the money to pay for a hotel room overnight, 2) privileged to be flying to your conference in the first place, 3) privileged enough that you feel you can threaten the airline with a pull of your business and expect to be given a credit or refund. You are inconvenienced and that sucks, but that is all…inconvenienced.

I had to leave my family and return to my lonely apartment, frozen in by myself because I need to be at work in Indiana this week. It sucks. I hate being alone. And yet, the fact that I have spent a weekend stuck in my apartment is an inconvenience, not some terrible tragedy that should put me on the path to sainthood.

Love,

Me

i hate meetings that include unnecessary information and cross talk.

Today’s current weather.

So today’s time puttering around my apartment led to some fun photography.

I sprained my foot last night.

Way to go , Whitney. You have to drive yourself back to Indiana in a stickshift…