oh. maybe. maybe this it. maybe that’s the problem.

i’ve finally forgotten what these bookmarks lead to so its time to check

great news everyone

Item: Engagement Ring of +2 Intelligence

Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)

I’M DYING

Day 3 of 5

“Dear Citizen,

In order to deliver on our promise to save America, we knew we needed to tackle our country’s biggest issue: wealth inequality. The richest 0.1% of Americans have as much wealth as the bottom 90%.

Our lawyers wouldn’t let us pursue our first choice - a campaign to eat all the rich people and live in their homes - so we settled for something more achievable. Today, Card Against Humanity has redistributed your wealth.

Using the survey you filled out when you signed up, we identified the 100 poorest recipients and sent them each  check for $1,000. To see how this $1,000 is impacting these peoples lives, read their stories at CardsAgainstHumanityRedistributesYourWealth.com. The next 10,000 poorest recipients got a $15 refund check.

You got nothing. And if you don’t like it, tough titties.

I love you,

Cards Against Humanity”

I was one of the 100 to get the check from these folks, and holy shit I was CACKLING at the hurt people on Facebook. Some people only cared about their precious $15 when it helped the poor.

Congrats! I’m thrilled that some of my $$$ went to people who needed it. 

I went to their website for this to see if info on the other days was out, and their FAQ is so perfect I almost choked to death.

“We’re Just Being regular correct” D A M

I stan one (1) card game

we closed 15 minutes ago and this one customer is still shopping and giving us attitude

closed 20 minutes ago and this bitch still has her cart. my manager is getting pissed. 👀

manager changed the announcement from “The store is closed and the registers will be shutting down shortly. Please proceed to the front.” to “The store is closed and registers have shut down. Please exit the building.”

The customer scoffed. I’m about to go fucking feral.

final update bc i just got out: manager actually fucking did it and shut down all the registers. customer got up front and freaked out with the cart. “What am I supposed to do with this!?” the customer shouts. my manager smiles and takes the cart. “don’t worry,” she says “we’ll put it back for you.”

customer stormed out and tried to get the last word in by shouting “you just lost a paying customer!” like….no….because the store is closed…

people really think they be that entitled to shit huh?

reminder to cancel your amazon prime 30 day free trial if you signed up only for good omens on may 31st

this is so fucking funny

This is so great. @chiribomb @cblgblog @thefingerfuckingfemalefury you all have to watch this.

Omfg XD

I love the judges faces like “What is happpppeeennniiiing”

THE SHEER FUCKING BALLS THIS TOOK

so you just make an effort? and then it pays off?

who’s putting washing machines in their kitchen

British people, apparently

Friendly reminder to turn on your wifi

i woke up late to work so i ordered an uber and didn’t realize my name in the settings was naruto from the one time i got an uber in naruto cosplay and the guy was like “are you naruto?” and i went “what? sure”

For my 3D production class I had to create a three shot short that was a remake of an existing movie scene- with muppets. I ran out of time to do the particle water effects, but this is basically Pacific Rim anyway.

We’re losing our collective shit laughing at this. Holy crap it’s so funny, please turn the sound on.

this is amazing

Yall ever procrastinate sleeping? Like you should be asleep and you want to but you just.. keep doing more things for no reason?

bonding with your houseplants by watering them from a water bottle you’ve already drank from

indirect kiss

i just heard my mum say ‘you are very naughty’ and then a meow and then another softer ‘okay but next time there will be consequences’ and then another meow and then a ‘you’re right probably not’