half doomed + semi-sweet

@reservethis-blog / reservethis-blog.tumblr.com

indie hinata hajime rp blog click 04. for about + other pages M!A: none
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{HI so i know its been like 800 years since i was last on here n a lot of stuff has been happening in my life that made rping not a priority but as weird as it is i miss this twisted little comm and i’d like to come back and re-meet everyone. if everyone can have patience w/ me as i get back into the swing of things, i’d love to become a part of this whole biz again!!}

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「 You're the Truth, Not I 」

     They need to hold his hand through self-realization and it’s pathetic.

     Whether or not they’ll remember this encounter when they’re in control again is something that unsettles them but for the time being, they decide not to think more than they need to on it. Instead, they shift their focus back to him. Giving him the answers to his questions is crucial; he needs to have the same understanding that they do lest he lose his grip on reality once more and start that spiral down into dread all over again. That they’re even able to have this conversation with him is a key sign that he’s close to untangling their two personalities and losing control, which is something Kamukura won’t allow.

    As much as they want to be free from their binds to him, they can’t lose the part of them that’s made it possible to feel what they shouldn’t be able to.

                     ❝ You put me here.

      They need to start somewhere that can actually get them someplace, they realize, fully aware that the person standing before them is incapable of taking any sort of lead. Kamukura breathes out a sigh as though their breath is anything more than a figment of his imagination before continuing. 

                         ❝. . . How much do you remember? ❞             The question should be simple enough for someone like him to grasp.

His mind weighs like a concrete block, a ball and chain instead of a brain inside his skull. Hinata tries to trace his memories back as far as can; but no matter what direction he pulls his thoughts, he returns empty-handed.

"..Nothing. I can't remember anything."

He feels as pathetic as the words sound. Knowing that they'll just become fodder for his reflection's vitriol, Hinata strains to remember something, even the barest detail to share.

「 There were details, of course. Hazy, blurred -- lingering on the edges of his brain as if scared of the spotlight, anxious to stay hidden. They were what remained, what Hinata had caught unwelcome flashes of out of the corner of his eye. 」

Red eyes.

"..I woke up here," he says at last. He rubs his palm into his eye until stars burst, a firework of veins. "The only things I can remember are things that happened in this room. Finding the mirror, and then.. starting to see you. That's it."

It doesn't feel like enough.                                                But then, when have I ever felt like enough?

His head aches like it's been split with an axe, and he winces. He doesn't know what to tell them; there isn't anything left to dredge up. His ears are ringing.

"It's only ever been you and me."

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calming starter sentences

"Its okay, I'm here."
"I'm not going to leave you."
"Everything is okay."
"I'm going to protect you."
"I believe in you."
"Hear my heartbeat? Just focus on that."
"You'll be alright, no one can hurt you now."
"You're not going to lose me."
"I love you."
"I'll stay right here, okay?"
"Just breathe."
"I'm okay, you're okay, we're okay."
"You're everything to me."
"I don't care what they think, to me, you are perfect."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"You don't have to be alone."
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     ”My place, if you don’t mind.” He drums his fingers against the steering wheel for a moment before glancing at Hinata. “Seatbelt,” his voice warns, and he faithfully waits until the seatbelt is safely latched before he pulls out of the parking lot. 

          If something happened to Hinata then he’d… no.

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  “I have my camera set up to capture a couple pictures,                but I figured you could just rest in bed while I did that.”

Even though the road, so early in the morning, is free of other cars, Togami's voice worries across the dash. Hinata obligingly clicks the belt in place, knowing the car won't move until he does.

Because Togami is always so careful in his love, and Hinata feels like he's wrapped in caution tape.

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"I'll stay up. I mean, I'm already awake, so why not?" He doesn't mention how he wants to watch Togami take photos, the sharp lines of him that focus when he does, precise and measured. Stifling a yawn, he smiles. The car moves quietly along the roads.

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best friend || foster the people

I’ve been a river bed I tried to salt the wound I’ve carried more than I can I feel I’ve got a lot to prove
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"Well uh…no actually…I don’t." Is that a bad thing?

"I mean, I do find some people to be more appealing and attractive and all that…but I don’t really have my eye on anyone. But there are people that I think I might have a chance with…"

Well he likes to think he has chance with them, but he’s pretty sure they don’t actually like him all that much.

Eh? ..Really?

Huh. That comes as a bit of a surprise.

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"Y'know, Hanamura, there's more to you than I thought," Hinata says, looking at Hanamura thoughtfully. Who would've guessed so much was going on underneath that adorably tiny hat?

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「 You're the Truth, Not I 」

    It’s a question that stings and simultaneously feels as though someone has choked them with barbed wired. They don’t have an actual voice as they’re only a part of his hallucination and yet they feel as though it’s caught in their throat. The ‘other side’ of them is pathetic, and Kamukura knows that had the two not shared a significant amount of emotion, they would absolutely loathe him and find him abhorrent. The only credit they can give is that, in the end, he proved to be the  s t r o n g e r  of the two.

So what did that say about them?

     They deflect their own question and instead answer his.

                ❝ I’m not,                                   they say with evident disgust,                                    as if the idea alone is nauseating. 

                                          ❝ I’m everything you aren’t❞ 

     The emphasis is sharp and it’s necessary. They’re finding themself being hypocritical of all things because now it’s growing increasingly difficult to look at him. The person standing with uncertainty etched on his face, the person struggling to speak to his own reflection remembers very little, that much is clear. His mind is so weak that he’s evidently repressed the end events of the simulation, that he’s repressed them. And that won’t do.

      His— their mind is scattered and it’s broken and though it’s no one’s fault but his, they find the need to fix that. It’s what they’ve been taught; it’s almost all they know. Once again, they’re going to mend what’s wrong in their world, even if it kills them.

It wasn't a no. It wasn't a yes.

I'll take it, Hinata thinks desperately.

「 From his mind he pushed the notion that there was no logical way the reflection couldn't be him. It's like a window, he told himself, an opening somehow. He repressed the urge to wave and see if they wave back; an echo in reverse. One final confirmation. 」

"Everything I'm not," Hinata mutters, forcing his voice to stay stable.

                                        He doesn't want to know what'll happen if it flatlines.

But he takes comfort in the words; if this person is everything he isn't, it means they're telling the truth. They aren't him. They aren't what he is.

「 Funny how the drowning will grasp at any lifeline to keep afloat, even when it ends up sinking them. 」

Hinata weighs his next question carefully. He can tell that nothing gets past this person; though the glass surface acts as a barrier, they have the whip of their tongue, words sharp enough to cut.

He isn't keen to be target practice.

"..How did you get here?" His voice shakes slightly.

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sparrow ur hinata is a+ but have i mentioned how much i love how versatile your hinat is in any situation im goin g to mention it now its !! refreshing !! literally all of your dialogue couldve been straight from ingame you voice him so well im in love tbh

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i kept trying to think of some way to express how much this meant to me but dam u know im just crying tbH

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*kicks anon to the corner* You are a fantastic Hinata, oh gosh. I adore your portrayal. I can hear his voice whenever I read your posts and you just understand his thought process so well. And your writing. Jesus freaking christ, YOUR WRITING. I love it so much. Keep up the fantastic work, my friend.

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THANK w tf all of u wonderful writers keep complimenting me,, tbh it's hard for me to believe that i started rping hinata on a whim because i feel so connected to him now; i'm really happy i made the choice to do so bc i've met so many incredible writers and roleplayers through this muse

i'm looking forward to seeing how we both continue to develop hinata!!

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[♥]— ‘Nanami,’ a distant voice called out to her, ‘…place to sleep.The gamer mumbled gibberish in response to the disembodied voice. This dream is making zero sense so far….

Suddenly, she felt something cold drip onto her hand, and a small chill ran up her arm. This caused her to jolt up, and blink a couple of times. It took her a while to realize someone was with her. 

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"Huh… Hinata-san? Is that you…?"

Ah, she woke up.

Hinata waited for her to get her bearings; she still seemed completely unaware that she had fallen asleep in the park. He wondered what she was doing out there in the first place, especially if she was so tired she was napping.

..Then again, he thought, that's what she normally does.

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"Yeah, it's me. What are you doing out here?"

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