— Unknown

my new favorite thing is adding “bitch” to the end of famous and influential quotes not all those who wander are lost, bitch

if at first you don’t succeed, try again bitch

to be or not to be a bitch huh

I think the particular kind of “goodness” that my mother aspired to - that so many of our mothers aspired to - is not actually goodness at all.

Her concept of goodness was a person perpetually sacrificing everything important to her for the comfort of others, even with no acknowledgment or thanks.

The perfect person, to my mother, was gracious in the face of cruelty and had bottomless wells of love to give even if none was given back. Her only joy should be the knowledge that she had given and given and given, her only triumph over those who would hurt her should be a quiet, unspoken sureness that she Had Done Right.

This is not goodness. This is not something a real, living person can safely try to achieve, I think. This is what you attempt to become in order to survive brutality.

This is a recipe for the perfect victim, the victim who has made herself so small and given so much that there is now, finally, no reason to abuse her. This is the image cruel people would have us try endlessly to become, so they can more easily take and violate and control.

They want you to be not just meek, but the kind of person who strives always to be meeker. Someone they no longer have to bully into anticipating their wishes, because you have not just honed this skill but made it your life’s purpose. They want you to see your fury and bitterness and self-pity and desire to escape as faults to be overcome, instead of valid reactions to being hurt and controlled and taken advantage of.

It’s a way to survive what you can’t escape, and in that situation alone it has value. Even in that situation, though? This ideal can never be achieved, even if you somehow destroy every shred of self-respect (anger, desire to escape, etc.) you find in yourself. You can never be the perfect victim. There will always be a “reason” to abuse you, even if you are careful not to provoke, because the reason was never you. Abusers like to abuse.

Trying to be the perfect victim broke my mother, and it’s fucked me up pretty badly too. I wish I could go back in time and warn her. I wish I could tell her:

You cannot give endlessly; no human can, and you shouldn’t have to.  It is not a virtue to suffer endlessly. It is not proof of love to allow someone to destroy you.

You deserve someone who doesn’t expect your suffering as proof of love. You deserve someone who gives back joyously, who feels your pain as part of their own and hates to cause it. You deserve to be surrounded by people who value you and all you think and want and are. You have worth. You deserve respect. It doesn’t have to be like this.

i got some peaches today 🍑🍑🍑🍑🍑🍑 ig: softglittery

ig + sweater

houseplants and a freshly made bed🍃🌿

If you look closely you can spot some baby geese

I added Jean Baudrillard to my collection of Verso books in white – so far these have all been really useful additions to my library.

wishing i was on a balcony in italy, wearing a long floral dress, eating fresh fruit, and staring at the sunset and landscape below me

Relationship Red Flags:

Silent Treatment

When after a fight or argument, your partner refuses to talk to you or say more than one word at a time, this is the silent treatment. This is a sign of emotional/mental abuse. It can be highly damaging to someone’s confidence and over all mental health.

In a normal relationship, there are arguments and fights, maybe followed by moments of silence. But the two involved in the relationship still talk. They still try to resolve the conflict.

With a partner to utilizes the silent treatment, their end goal is to make you apologize, make you step down, and make them the victim. The goal is to get you to be groveling for forgiveness.

Compromise is Impossible

In any relationship, there has to be compromise in order for it to be healthy. If your partner is unwilling to meet you in the middle most of the time, this should be a huge red flag. If there isn’t compromise, then one person is going to feel like they don’t matter, or that they should just give up on their own thoughts and feelings.

Makes you Feel Worse

If you and your partner are at a party and you are feeling insecure about yourself, your partner should try to help make you feel better. If they tell you to get over it, or that it’s not that big of a deal, then they are not behaving properly for a healthy relationship. It can even be construed as emotional abuse, just as damaging as physical abuse.

In any relationship. the two people should try to build each other up, not break them down. But, it is important to keep in mind that you shouldn’t be putting them up on a pedestal, telling them they can do no wrong.

No Support

Like I said before, your partner is supposed to build you up, and supporting you in your life is a major piece of that. They might not agree with your choices or decisions, but they will still support you - though expect some expression of their thoughts on your choice/decision.

Every healthy relationship is like a dance, you both have to work at it for it to work, and there needs to be a push and a pull.

Dismisses Your Thoughts/Feelings

I feel like this one is pretty self explanatory. I also covered this on the “Makes You Feel Worse” section.

Cannot Have Calm Conversations on “Touchy” Subjects

First, by touchy subjects, I mean anything that would go against their thoughts or actions. So, if you’re upset because your husband just charged $500 on the credit card that you pay for, and you’re struggling financially as it is, then when you try to confront this issue they are just going to find a way not to talk about it.

happy pride to everyone who’s still closeted

happy pride to everyone who’s been kicked out

happy pride to everyone who lives somewhere where it is illegal to love who they love

happy fucking pride to all of you, i love you with my whole heart and i promise you it will get better

trust that the loving energy you fuse into the universe will come back to you, maybe not in the time frame or ways you are expecting, but it will find you and warm you, this exchange is eternal

forest fire smog makes the light from my window orange and thick. perpetual summer.

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