Enerio

2016 was not an okay year for me. 

Not only because a lot of chaos happening all over the world, but also for all the things that I had to go through last year. 

My dad passed away last September, just a week after my birthday. 3 years ago he suffered a stroke because of his high blood pressure. When it was supposed to be a happy month for me, it turned the other way around. I was devastated. I couldn’t believe that I would never ever see and touch my dad again. 

It’s a very painful feeling to lose someone you love, someone very close to you. I’ve only read about it, seen it on movies, or from my friends’ stories. But it’s totally different when it happens to you. It takes a lot of strength to muster yourself to keep it together, especially when you have a mother, brothers, sister, nephews, and nieces that also go through it. It’s a feeling that you don’t want others to experience. 

My dad was a very good man that’s why it’s hard to accept that he’s gone. He was a great parent, a husband, a brother, an uncle, and a grandfather. He inspired a lot of people, and he did well in this life. All those good memories I have with him, all those stories about my dad, that’s all that’s left, and somehow we have to live on and treasure all those memories and cherish it.

I’ll never forget this moment with my dad. This was a year before his first stroke. I got featured on an in-flight magazine a while back, and he’s the first one to tell me that he saw my face on the magazine while flying to Manila. I was really surprised because my dad rarely travels, and even more so on planes. And I even forgot about that blurb until my dad called me early in the morning after he landed. I don’t know if it was a coincidence that of all people, my dad will be the first to see it and deliver me the news. And I could never forget what he told me that day: “Proud jud kaayo ko nimo, Ric”. My dad was never an expressive man, so I know how sincere and heartfelt it was coming from him. And those words coming from my dad, it was a huge booster for me. This kind of happy memory I will always cherish about him. I know he’s in a beautiful place now, and he’s finally at peace.

I could never ever hear you talk, or hug you again. But know that you will always be in our hearts. Thank you for everything that you taught us. For providing for us and keeping us safe. We may not be a perfect family, but you kept us together, you loved us unconditionally, and somehow that made you a perfect dad for us. No one could ever replace you, and you will always be my dad. I miss you and I will always love you, Pa.

I ship this! Dorothy and Ruby!

Niki Nakayama (N/Naka), Chef’s Table

when you see your crush looking at you

Francis Mallman, Chef’s Table

Singleness musings

People have been asking me a lot lately why I’m still single. During family reunions, my relatives always tell me that I should get married because my older bros and sis have families already. It’s as if 11 nephews and nieces are not yet enough. My friends are also wondering about me being single, and that I should get a girlfriend already.

It’s not exactly that I chose to be single. I date once in a while. Well, probably almost rarely, but I still go out. It just doesn’t work out, either I don’t like the person or we don’t really connect on some level. There was one person that probably hit the mark but still didn’t work out in the end because… I don’t know. Let’s just say I’m that guy that girls prefer to be friends than lovers. I think I was what they call “friendzoned”. 

But I didn’t mind being single for a very long time because it allowed me to do things I want to do when I want to do it. It also made me explore other things that made me realize some stuff about myself, of what I want, and what I like to do with my life. In some ways, it allowed me to connect deeply with my inner self.

I have to admit, it’s also kinda sad to be alone because I think all of us understand the need for someone that will make us really special even if we don’t think we are. Someone that will be there for us, who understands us, despite how broken we are as a person. That’s why at this point in life, relationships are really important to have because we are all bombarded with realities in life, and we need that someone to be there for us when we can’t pick ourselves up.

I’m always inspired with my friends who are in a very healthy relationship with their girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands, and wives. I want that in my relationship. The kind that you don’t wanna mess up because if you do, you will never find something like that ever again. About being accepting with each other despite your differences. I know trust and love are important for a relationship to last, but if you both respect each other so much, those two will just come naturally.

That’s why I’m single. Because I know deep down I’m not ready yet to commit with someone. I still have issues to resolve for myself, because if I don’t face it, it will probably haunt me forever. I have to know what I want in life, and I’m still trying to figure out what that is. When I find myself, you’ll definitely know. So no judgement, okay?

It's the most wonderful start of the year!