Disney Valentine’s day cards, by Oh My Disney, Disney Style and Gabby Zapata

when u accidently type me instead of my 

accidentally typing “yeha” instead of “yeah”

accidentally typing olay instead of okay

accidentally typing “oy” instead of yo

accidentally typing “god” instead of “good”

accidentally typing ‘thy’ instead of ‘they’

accidentally typing “beliebe” instead of “believe”

typing “hte” instead of “the” 

typing “laso” instead of “also”

typing “oaky” instead of “okay”

fuck

I like it when posts like this are actually true

Zach Braff did an AMA on reddit a while ago and said the script would sometimes just say “Then Neil says something funny”

what are y'all doing for valentine’s day?

making a steak dinner is nice ! have fun !

Plot twist

Harry Potter wakes up in hospital. “Welcome back. You’ve been in a coma for 8 years” says the doctor. “You ran face first into a wall lmao”

NO

Plot Twist: 

Mrs Weasley makes all her kids volunteer at the hospital, and she encourages ron to go talk to the coma patient who’s his age that no one ever visits

hermione is a smart girl who volunteers to read to coma patients in the hospitals

at first ron is like “back the fuck off, this is my gig” cause he’s 11 and he doesn’t like girls yet, but soon the two of them start to get along, and they talk to each other and pretend to include comatose harry in the conversation.

and ginny, who is still totally a badass, but also a hopeless romantic, kisses him like he’s sleeping beauty and might wake up

they both get weirdly protective of the boy the same age as them, who’s been in a coma for so long, and get really mad when the Dursleys decide to pull the plug

(petunia actually feels bad about it, because she did love her sister and harry is all there is left of her)

so ron and hermione hatch this elaborate scheme to keep harry alive by moving him around the hospital, so the doctors can’t ever find him

they get caught, and harry gets taken off life support and monitor gives out one long beep, and he’s dead

and then suddenly his heart starts beating again, and he blinks is eyes and sits up and goes “Ron? Hermione? …you don’t look how i pictured…”

and it turns out that harry really did have a lot of money left to him by his parents, and if he’d died the dursleys would have gotten all of it (vernon’s evil plot, prolly), but it’s 8 years later and he’s legal and gets all of it

but Mrs. Weasley totally takes him in because all of the weasley have grown fond of him over the years, despite never really getting to know him.

PS: hagrid was the janitor that talked to harry during the night shift

PPS: snape was the orderly who was always a little too rough with harry when cleaning him up or changing his sheets, because he didn’t give a fuck the kids in a coma, but then was surprisingly helpful to ron and hermione when they were trying to keep harry alive

*slams fist on table* YES

If 2/2/22 falls on a Tuesday it could also be known as “2’s Day”

DUDE

Source: [x]

Click HERE for more facts!

I’m normally suspicious of anything that claims to be a true fact on this hellsite but this is legit and really funny

Except every goat is just waiting its turn to die of pneumonia

Sorry I’m not over “if a dog barked in Kazakhstan”.

My entirely half-assed understanding of Why Horses Explode If You Look At Them Funny, As Explained To Me By My Aunt That Raises Horses After Her Third Glass Of Wine:

Horses don’t got enough toes.

So, back right after the dinosaurs fucked off and joined the choir invisible, the first ancestors of horses were scampering about, little capybara-looking things called Eohippus, and they had four toes per limb:

They functioned pretty well, as near as we can tell from the fossil record, but they were mostly messing around in the leaf litter of dense forests, where one does not necessarily need to be fast but one should be nimble, and the 4 toes per limb worked out pretty good.

But the descendants of Eophippus moved out of the forest where there was lots of cover and onto the open plains, where there was better forage and visibility, but nowhere to hide, so the proto-horses that could ZOOM the fastest and out run thier predators (or, at least, their other herd members) tended to do well.  Here’s the thing- having lots of toes means your foot touches the ground longer when you run, and it spreads a lot of your momentum to the sides.  Great if you want to pivot and dodge, terrible if you want to ZOOM.  So losing toes started being a major advantage for proto-horses:

The Problem with having fewer toes and running Really Fucking Fast is that it kind of fucks your everything else up.

When a horse runs at full gallop, it sort of... stops actively breathing, letting the slosh of it’s guts move its lungs, which is tremendously calorically efficient and means their breathing doesn’t fall out of sync.  But it also means that the abdominal lining of a horse is weirdly flexible in ways that lead to way more hernias and intestinal tangling than other ungulates.  It also has a relatively weak diaphragm for something it’s size, so ANY kind of respiratory infection is a Major Fucking Problem because the horse has weak lungs.

When a Horse runs Real Fucking Fast, it also develops a bit of a fluid dynamics problem- most mammals have the blood going out of thier heart real fast and coming back from the far reaches of the toes much slower and it’s structure reflects that.  But since there is Only The One Toe, horse blood comes flying back up the veins toward the heart way the fuck faster than veins are meant to handle, which means horses had to evolve special veins that constrict to slow the Blood Down, which you will recognize as a Major Cardiovascular Disease in most mammals. This Poorly-regulated blood speed problems means horses are prone to heart problems, burst veins, embolisms, and hemophilia.  Also they have apparently a billion blood types and I’m not sure how that’s related but I am sure that’s another Hot Mess they have to deal with.

ALSO, the Blood-Going-Too-Fast issue and being Just Huge Motherfuckers means horses have trouble distributing oxygen properly, and have compensated by creating fucked up bones that replicate the way birds store air in thier bones but much, much shittier.  So if a horse breaks it’s leg, not only is it suffering a Major Structural Issue (also also- breaking a toe is much more serious when that toe is YOUR WHOLE DAMN FOOT AND HALF YOUR LEG), it’s also hving a hemmorhage and might be sort of suffocating a little.

ALSO ALSO, the fast that horses had to deal with Extremely Fast Predators for most of thier evolution means that they are now afflicted with evolutionarily-adaptive Anxiety, which is not great for thier already barely-functioning hearts, and makes them, frankly, fucking mental.  Part of the reason horses are so aggro is that if deinied the opportunity to ZOOM, it’s options left are “Kill everyone and Then Yourself” or “The same but skip step one and Just Fucking Die”.  The other reason is that a horse is in a race against itself- it’s gotta breed before it falls apart, so a Horse basically has a permanent terrorboner.

TL;DR: Horses don’t have enough toes and that makes them very, very fast, but also sickly, structurally unsound, have wildly OP blood that sometimes kills them, and drives them fucking insane.

— (via be-killed)

But, but, but!

But, no, because there are reasons for all of those seemingly weird English bits.

Like “eggplant” is called “eggplant” because the white-skinned variety (to which the name originally applied) looks very egg-like.

The “hamburger” is named after the city of Hamburg.

The name “pineapple” originally (in Middle English) applied to pine cones (ie. the fruit of pines - the word “apple” at the time often being used more generically than it is now), and because the tropical pineapple bears a strong resemblance to pine cones, the name transferred.

The “English” muffin was not invented in England, no, but it was invented by an Englishman, Samuel Bath Thomas, in New York in 1894. The name differentiates the “English-style” savoury muffin from “American” muffins which are commonly sweet.

“French fries” are not named for their country of origin (also the United States), but for their preparation. They are French-cut fried potatoes - ie. French fries.

“Sweetmeats” originally referred to candied fruits or nuts, and given that we still use the term “nutmeat” to describe the edible part of a nut and “flesh” to describe the edible part of a fruit, that makes sense.

“Sweetbread” has nothing whatsoever to do with bread, but comes from the Middle English “brede”, meaning “roasted meat”. “Sweet” refers not to being sugary, but to being rich in flavour.

Similarly, “quicksand” means not “fast sand”, but “living sand” (from the Old English “cwicu” - “alive”).

The term boxing “ring” is a holdover from the time when the “ring” would have been just that - a circle marked on the ground. The first square boxing ring did not appear until 1838. In the rules of the sport itself, there is also a ring - real or imagined - drawn within the now square arena in which the boxers meet at the beginning of each round.

The etymology of “guinea pig” is disputed, but one suggestion has been that the sounds the animals makes are similar to the grunting of a pig. Also, as with the “apple” that caused confusion in “pineapple”, “Guinea” used to be the catch-all name for any unspecified far away place. Another suggestion is that the animal was named after the sailors - the “Guinea-men” - who first brought it to England from its native South America.

As for the discrepancies between verb and noun forms, between plurals, and conjugations, these are always the result of differing word derivation.

Writers write because the meaning of the word “writer” is “one who writes”, but fingers never fing because “finger” is not a noun derived from a verb. Hammers don’t ham because the noun “hammer”, derived from the Old Norse “hamarr”, meaning “stone” and/or “tool with a stone head”, is how we derive the verb “to hammer” - ie. to use such a tool. But grocers, in a certain sense, DO “groce”, given that the word “grocer” means “one who buys and sells in gross” (from the Latin “grossarius”, meaning “wholesaler”).

“Tooth” and “teeth” is the legacy of the Old English “toð” and “teð”, whereas “booth” comes from the Old Danish “boþ”. “Goose” and “geese”, from the Old English “gōs” and “gēs”, follow the same pattern, but “moose” is an Algonquian word (Abenaki: “moz”, Ojibwe: “mooz”, Delaware: “mo:s”). “Index” is a Latin loanword, and forms its plural quite predictably by the Latin model (ex: matrix -> matrices, vertex -> vertices, helix -> helices).

One can “make amends” - which is to say, to amend what needs amending - and, case by case, can “amend” or “make an amendment”. No conflict there.

“Odds and ends” is not word, but a phrase. It is, necessarily, by its very meaning, plural, given that it refers to a collection of miscellany. A single object can’t be described in the same terms as a group.

“Teach” and “taught” go back to Old English “tæcan” and “tæhte”, but “preach” comes from Latin “predician” (“præ” + “dicare” - “to proclaim”).

“Vegetarian” comes of “vegetable” and “agrarian” - put into common use in 1847 by the Vegetarian Society in Britain.

“Humanitarian”, on the other hand, is a portmanteau of “humanity” and “Unitarian”, coined in 1794 to described a Christian philosophical position - “One who affirms the humanity of Christ but denies his pre-existence and divinity”. It didn’t take on its current meaning of “ethical benevolence” until 1838. The meaning of “philanthropist” or “one who advocates or practices human action to solve social problems” didn’t come into use until 1842.

We recite a play because the word comes from the Latin “recitare” - “to read aloud, to repeat from memory”. “Recital” is “the act of reciting”. Even this usage makes sense if you consider that the Latin “cite” comes from the Greek “cieo” - “to move, to stir, to rouse , to excite, to call upon, to summon”. Music “rouses” an emotional response. One plays at a recital for an audience one has “called upon” to listen.

The verb “to ship” is obviously a holdover from when the primary means of moving goods was by ship, but “cargo” comes from the Spanish “cargar”, meaning “to load, to burden, to impose taxes”, via the Latin “carricare” - “to load on a cart”.

“Run” (moving fast) and “run” (flowing) are homonyms with different roots in Old English: “ærnan” - “to ride, to reach, to run to, to gain by running”, and “rinnan” - “to flow, to run together”. Noses flow in the second sense, while feet run in the first. Simillarly, “to smell” has both the meaning “to emit” or “to perceive” odor. Feet, naturally, may do the former, but not the latter.

“Fat chance” is an intentionally sarcastic expression of the sentiment “slim chance” in the same way that “Yeah, right” expresses doubt - by saying the opposite.

“Wise guy” vs. “wise man” is a result of two different uses of the word “wise”. Originally, from Old English “wis”, it meant “to know, to see”. It is closely related to Old English “wit” - “knowledge, understanding, intelligence, mind”. From German, we get “Witz”, meaning “joke, witticism”. So, a wise man knows, sees, and understands. A wise guy cracks jokes.

The seemingly contradictory “burn up” and “burn down” aren’t really contradictory at all, but relative. A thing which burns up is consumed by fire. A house burns down because, as it burns, it collapses.

“Fill in” and “fill out” are phrasal verbs with a difference of meaning so slight as to be largely interchangeable, but there is a difference of meaning. To use the example in the post, you fill OUT a form by filling it IN, not the other way around. That is because “fill in” means “to supply what is missing” - in the example, that would be information, but by the same token, one can “fill in” an outline to make a solid shape, and one can “fill in” for a missing person by taking his/her place. “Fill out”, on the other hand, means “to complete by supplying what is missing”, so that form we mentioned will not be filled OUT into we fill IN all the missing information.

An alarm may “go off” and it may be turned on (ie. armed), but it does not “go on”. That is because the verb “to go off” means “to become active suddenly, to trigger” (which is why bombs and guns also go off, but do not go on).

I have never been so turned on in my entire life.

i find it attractive and not at all clingy when someone texts me after hanging out. i guess the gesture means a lot to me because it makes me feel remembered and valued

friendly reminder that while the necromancer who was holding prince philip together will not see your jokes about his death, your necromancer friends who are trying their best will see them. so be nice

“I am, somehow, less interested in the weight and convolutions of Einstein’s brain than in the near certainty that people of equal talent have lived and died in cotton fields and sweatshops.”

-Stephen Jay Gould.

This quote is great because so was Einstein himself! He never saw himself as a genius, as a mind like no other. He saw himself as a guy who studied alot and he was very dedicated to give that opportunity to others. He also spoke very openly against racism and was one of the few professors that thought black people at the time. Here are some great pictures of him in 1946

Adding onto this: I really recommend Einstein’s short, entry-level essay “Why Socialism?”, found here. It’s ~10 min read and it does a great job of explaining the crux of socialism. 

Here are some of his major points:

“The crisis of our time concerns the relationship of individual to society [whereby the individual] does not experience his dependence on society as a positive asset, as an organic tie or as a protective force, but rather as a threat to his/her rights or to his economic existence.”

My players as soon as it’s their turn, as if they didn’t know it was coming up again:

When you’re at the bottom of the order and just space out for ten years until the dm calls you out.

Well I HAD everything planned out, but I follow the WIZARD in turn order and he just turned the entire terrain into Jell-O pudding to kill the guy I was going to charge at so now I have to reconsider what I was going to do!

#mood

I always wondered about this room. Where is it?

Whenever you notice something like that, a wizard did it.

behind the garage

And that’s the end of that mystery

why the simpsons got a bigger house than my parents

Homer is a nuclear engineer

This post made me realize that Homer is in fact a Nuclear engineer…

This poor dude is waiting for his date for the prom unknowing he is being watched by the crew of a hit TV show

The tides coming in, hurry up dude.

Tide got him but he’s ok.

He’s texting his girl but she’s not showing up. Is she standing him up?

His best bud just showed up to help him.

Tide is really coming in now, he’s on the phone. Things are getting frantic.

Will she arrive in time? We’re gonna give him a round of applause if she says yes and arrives.

OH NO!

CREW IS ENCOURAGING HIM TO RE-DO HIS WORK. WE’RE SHOUTING “DO IT!”

HE IS RE-MAKING THE MESSAGE! I REPEAT! HE IS REMAKING THE MESSAGE!

WE HAVE RECIEVED WORD THAT THE GIRL IS ON A TREASURE HUNT IN THE CITY AND THIS IS THE FINAL LOCATION. HIS FRIEND IS STALLING FOR TIME.

UPDATE: BEACHGOERS HAVE JOINED IN TO HELP THIS BOY REBUILD HIS MESSAGE TO THE GIRL! HIS FRIEND HAS JOINED IN AS WELL.

IT’S ALMOST DONE! THEY MIGHT MAKE IT!

THE MESSAGE IS COMPLETED! THE QUESTION IS NOW “WILL SHE SAY YES?”

BRO OF THE YEAR JUST BROUGHT A GIRL. I THINK THIS MAY BE IT!

I THINK THIS IS IT!

SHE’S APPROACHING!

YES! THE ANSWER IS YES!

OUR CREW IS CHEERING FOR THESE TWO.