What abusers believe.

If you’ve ever had to deal with an abusive person in your life - like an abusive parent or partner - you’ve probably wondered what made them treat you that way. If you understand why abuse is happening, the thinking goes, you might be able to figure out how to make it stop. 

So why do abusers do what they do? Do they have anger issues? Drinking problems? Past trauma? Personality disorders? Do they just need to get in touch with their feelings and learn how to communicate better?

Nope. 

Abusive behaviours come from abusive beliefs. Abusers - whether consciously or unconsciously - hold specific beliefs about relationships that drive their behaviour and allow them to justify the horrible things they do. Even if your abuser has never put their beliefs into words, you’ll probably recognize a lot of these abusive beliefs:

Abusers and victims alike often buy into the narrative that abuse is rooted in anger issues - after all, abusers are frequently angry, and anger is an issue that can be treated. But this narrative just isn’t true. Abusers aren’t abusive because they are angry. Abusers are angry because they are abusive. 

A non-abusive partner is not someone who has learned how to control their rage whenever you spend time with your friends or get home 15 minutes late from work. A non-abusive partner just doesn’t feel any rage in those situations. An abuser’s rage is firmly rooted in their beliefs about relationships - they feel entitled to a relationship that meets their impossible expectations, and when they inevitably don’t get it, they bubble over with fury. Whether they know it or not, they have firmly entrenched beliefs about how relationships should be, and those beliefs are at the heart of their abuse. 

Can abusers stop believing these things? Maybe. If they can acknowledge that they have these beliefs, accept that these beliefs are dangerous and unreasonable and let go of these beliefs, maybe it’s possible for them to no longer be abusive in the future. Maybe. But it’s not your job to hang around and find out. If you’re in an abusive relationship of any kind, you deserve better. There are many people in this world who don’t hold abusive views of relationships, and you deserve to find happiness with them. 

I reblogged this before w/o adding any comments because it is just so good. But in the back of my mind I had wanted to highlight that if you, like me, were raised by an emotional abuser, you were probably taught a lot of these things are “normal.” They’re not.

That’s not your fault that happened. God, I really wish it never happened, alas being taught this stuff is sooooo commonplace. But, it very much our responsibilities as adults now to unlearn the toxic narratives that we did not consent to inheriting.

We can do it, too.

Read the list again. Read it any time you need it. The steer away from these beliefs. This stuff isn’t just about romantic relationships. We can be so much better than where we came from. I promise. ❤️❤️

i have a hot take about vine and tik tok if you allow me

vine’s entire concept was “show don’t tell” while tik tok’s entire concept is “tell don’t show”

might risk sounding like an Old Fart but i want to elaborate what i mean:

sometimes i will see Tiktoks that are just people talking to a camera about a thing that happened to them and then at the end… won’t even show the thing they’re talking about. they’re just talking to a camera. that or the few staged jokes take waaaaaay too much time to get to the punchline, and the punchline isn’t even funny (and the acting is bad)

meanwhile on vine, you only had 7 seconds, and in 7 seconds you could have anything happen, and a dude said “back at it at krispy kreme” and did backflips and kicked out a sign in his final flip and the video just cut with no explanation, and it was the greatest vine on earth

I'm sorry have I shifted to an alternate universe where vines were 7 seconds long why is no one in the comments addressing this

I don’t like John Gaius but I do sort of see why he was angry enough to build an Empire. It seems like some people (the wealthy?) had been able to leave the dying Earth and establish colonies elsewhere and then they objected when one of the people they’d left behind necromantically resurrected it. So John went “fuck you, I’m going to make the Earth the centre of humanity again” and set out to conquer all of them. (Of course, most of the people getting hurt in his conquest, certainly ten thousand years later, are ordinary people and have nothing to do with any of those decisions.)

Because he’s him he also decided to make himself the centre of humanity. It’s ego, but more than that I think it’s trolling. They left Earth and all the other planets behind, they don’t get a say in it now, and they will just have to put up with him renaming them all to houses and giving them purposes aligned with their old names. The whole thing’s a joke that only people outside the solar system - people who preserved some of Earth’s old culture - can see, and therefore it’s only visible to the people it will make angriest.

I don’t like John Gaius but, regrettably, I do sometimes like his sense of humour.

everybody in these books is just so petty I love it

just learned about a building in london that is so poorly designed it becomes a death ray that melts cars and creates a downdraft effect with wind so powerful that it knocks full grown adults to the ground

imagine being knocked over by a gust of wind from this ugly ass building and then being cooked TO DEATH by the sun reflection like what a way to go

i learned about this like last year or somethign and this building is literally th satan come alive. building that tries to fucking kill you and fry you like an egg

The “death ray hotel” in Las Vegas has the same problem. It bundles the sunlight in a way that it can hurt hotel guests at the swimming pool.

HOLY FUCK IT’S BOTH THE SAME ARCHITECT

How do I explain Archimedes’ burning mirrors to Rafael Viñoly

Astronomers are the funniest people on earth actually

they're trying to convince Elon Musk to change his hobby

as a jew i love having opinions on jesus. it’s like. no i don’t think he was messiah However Yes i am a fan of this dude. fucker said ‘it’s easier for a camel to go thru the eye of a needle than it is for a rich man to go to heaven’ and proved his point by going absolutely ballistic flipping tables and chasing merchants with a whip in broad daylight in a synagogue. basically my thoughts on jesus are: 10/10 would go to brunch with.

ATTENTION WRITERS

Google BetaBooks. Do it now. It’s the best damn thing EVER.

You just upload your manuscript, write out some questions for your beta readers to answer in each chapter, and invite readers to check out your book!

It’s SO easy!

You can even track your readers! It tells you when they last read, and what chapter they read!

Your beta readers can even highlight and react to the text!!!

There’s also this thing where you can search the website for available readers best suited for YOUR book!

Seriously guys, BetaBooks is the most useful website in the whole world when it comes to beta reading, and… IT’S FREE.

HEY! BECAUSE OF OP, THEY CREATED A SPECIAL WELCOME IF YOUR FOUND THEM THRU A TUMBLR WELCOME, ITS A YOUTUBE VIDEO.

They also sent me this; which was super cool

*slams reblog button*

@findingtallahassee holy shit! This is cool!

“Authors retain all rights to works posted on BetaBooks, and can add or remove content at their discretion. BetaBooks makes no claim to any of the work posted on the site.”

Incase anyone was wondering

Thank you for sharing! Especially about the copyright protection

This is fantastic! I’ve shared it with all my writer friends and hope that they have a ton of success!

Hate diet culture so much bitches will b like “don’t eat processed carbs they’re so bad for you” like and??? So what?? God did not give us grain and stone to grind it with for no reason. Bread is inevitable. Bread is food for the heart and the soul. U think I’m gonna give that up in pursuit of instagram fitness?? U think I’m gonna deny myself the simple pleasure of toast with jam so I can endlessly chase an ever-shifting standard of beauty that ultimately means nothing? In 20 years I will no longer be beautiful and in 60 my body will be vacant food for other, smaller creatures. But the taste of fresh bread? Of homemade donuts and still-warm pie? I will carry the taste on my tongue into whatever follows this life. So like. Stop telling me I should diet lmao. I’m not abt to martyr myself just to get a man to look at me.

Op genuinely thank you for this

“bread is inevitable” is our household motto now

i saw some comments on tiktok where people were talking bout how they found tumblr too hard to use and part of it being that there was no lack of dates so “what if you reblog or like something from five years ago?!” 

buddy… we have posts circulating still from 2011, its literally just how it is

Being on tumblr for years like:

Anyway did you guys hear about Amazon's horrible fanfic publishing platform?

absofuckinlutely not

You’re just continuing a long line of retail tradition babey

Y’all should read Daniel Pennac’s books about Monsieur Malaussène whose job is literally this

Bidet, critters of the Beauyasha variety! We’re excited to announce that the second annual Beauyasha week will be taking place from the 24th to the 30st of May this year!

We can’t wait for everyone to get started on their projects and hype up creators, but first we need your help deciding on what this year’s prompts will be! Head over to this survey – to vote. In the interest of keeping things fair, please only vote once.

This year we have the honour to have the incredible @lauren-n-taylor as our official artist, please check out her other work!

Thank you in advance for taking the survey and helping make Beauyasha week 2021 the glorious celebration of this ship we’re sure it will be! Voting is open until the 10th of February at 6pm PST.

P.S.: If you fancy doing so, you can see for yourself where all the fun planning takes place by checking out the desktop version of this blog for the invite link to our discord server Cracklepop City!

This may be the first time I actually start and finish a comic! Anyway I love The Locked Tomb trilogy

A Blacksmith’s Dream

just to clarify the timeline for everyone

*blows a kiss into the snow* for yasha