DAMN. Did it again.

Dear struggling college freshman,

I know right now you probably feel really lost, really alone, and generally overwhelmed. But, I promise you you’re not the only one who feels that way. I know it seems like everyone has their shit together except you, but I’m telling you nine times outta ten they’re just pretending. Everyone fucks up, misses deadlines, fails exams, fails classes - it’s to be expected. The goal of this year isn’t necessarily to do well, but to figure out what works for you so you can do well in the years to come. So take a deep breath, hold on tight, and just do your best. There will come a time when you feel better, you just have to give it time.

an entomologist rates ant emojis

Beautiful big almond eye, realistic and full of expression as she gazes gently at you. Elbowed antennae and delicately segmented legs and body. Gorgeous pearlescent sheen like she is glowing. This ant moisturizes. This ant is round and huggable. This ant is a star. 11/10.

Beautifully detailed, lifelike pose but with an unexpected neck and odd antennae, perhaps scared straight. Her eyes suggest she has seen things. Her expression confirms she has seen too much. She is haunted and I want to know more. 7/10.

Floppy antenna, pointy muppet face, oddly posed legs. What is she? She has no waist. May be she is some kind of bee in disguise? I find her unsettling. 3/10.

This ant has an unexplained, double-jointed thorax, and no evidence of a waist. Her four-footed pose suggests that she a centaur rather than an ant. Centaur ants would be cool. I’m not sure what was intended here. 2/10.

Good first impression, kind of bland in the details. This ant has no particular waist to speak of, floppy rather than elbowed antennae, and an inexpressive face. Her color scheme is soft and hazy. I like the sharp angles of her stylishly sophisticated legs. This ant may not know quite were she is going, but she knows how she is getting there. 6/10.

Were you even trying. 0/10

Gasp! This ant is elegant. This ant has a beautiful tapered thorax, a segmented abdomen, alert, elbowed antennae, and a light-footed pose. This ant’s face suggests curiosity and a desire to explore the world. This ant inspires me. I want to be like her. 10/10

3-legged, waistless centaur-ant with strange, limp antennae and a beak. I don’t know what this is? It kind of reminds me of a Hork-Bajir. 1/10, not an ant.

This ant… makes me sad. All of her legs are broken. The MS Paint art style and gradient abuse convey distress. She has a duck beak. Despite this, her expression suggests perseverance and determined cheerfulness. I want this ant to have a better life. I am rooting for her. 3/10

This ant is a bold and challenging mixture of photorealism and caricature. She is broad and low-built and seems very sturdy. She looks like she would help you move. This ant is a dependable friend. 9/10

A picture of an ant from a children’s book.  She is wearing little boots.  This ant is wrong in every way, and yet I can’t stay mad at her.  7/10

An interesting, top-down view of an ant; her legs are positioned with slightly jarring symmetry.  Nevertheless, her overall impression is that of a graceful, stylized design, like a pictograph.  She is suitable for adorning fine garments and jewelry or perhaps gracing the walls of a tiny ant church.  I like this minimalist ant.  8/10.

This is a termite. -10/10

“Hotel Inception Fandom You Can Never Leave” coined by @justgot1 totally cracked me up omg because i am now picturing a wannabe boutique hotel that’s kinda run down with tacky neon lights outside that only half-work. there’s no elevator, just a tiny winding staircase covered in stained burgundy carpeting. it would make anyone claustrophobic and nauseous but it’s cool because it’s unfinished and so at one point on the fourth floor you can kick someone down to their death. PARADOX. there’s only like twelve rooms in this narrow building and so lots of people share. there are more cats roaming the place than humans. the cafe downstairs is probably the nicest part - it’s designed to be parisian style and so there are sidewalk tables and chairs and the old timey LiveJournal Branch™ of the fandom sit there all day to smoke, drink espressos, and yell at construction workers.

“And now I wait.”

Photos by Furgus The Cat

Person: Your writing is so good!

Me:

You have been visited by the Thor of Positivity™! Take pride in your work and be confident in it! It may not be perfect but he knows you are working very hard and pouring your passion into it and therefore it is a Good Thing. 

THE THOR OF POSITIVITY SHALL NOW AND FOREVER MORE BE THE BEST THING EVER

Edward Teach Memorial Week:

↪ Day 3: Favorite Relationship

Nerd dudes: Why don’t women like the things we do

Woman: *likes the same things nerd dudes do*

Nerd dudes: Are you a real fan? Better know this hyperspecific piece of trivia. Oh thank god you do. I’m going to sexually harass you now.

Sick Tiger Cub Gets Rescued From Circus, Makes Incredible Recovery And Finds Love

@chaosvariant

Avengers: Infinity War aka The Bachelor: Tony Stark Edition

By popular request, meet the other contestants:

if suddenly you feel the urge to cry come upon you seemingly from nowhere, please, recognize that it is not from nowhere. it is from a somewhere where you forgot to mourn properly. a place only your body can remember. let these tears come. let your body mourn. let your body feel her loss. even if you cannot understand her (who can?) it is important to let your body have this. when the crying is over feed your body something special and be gentle with her. bless

John Boyega and #WatershipDown

OH MY GOD????????

ALTERNATE CONCLUSION

How do you get so much EXPRESSION from a (line-drawn) 2D swan?!

Birdtender Tea. No no.. it’s Bi-tender Tea.  Bi-BirdTeader?

It’s Just Boilt Twigs

For the record, if I don’t make it out of here, don’t put me down for mummification. The Mummy (1999) dir. Stephen Sommers