"Flower Ed isn't real, he can't hurt you."

Flower Ed :

haven't stopped thinking about this actually [x]

i am so ready for this new season

,,I don't even like spiders, that's why I wear those black leather gloves"

not ignoring you not replying to you but a secret third thing

forgor

no i don’t have plans later. i will, however, be taking extensive poison damage periodically for the foreseeable future. but beyond that my schedule is totally open

if you hear me going “haugh.” or perhaps “augh” every so often and see me doubling over. well. Don’t even worry about it.

To The Substitute Art Teacher - Jordan Bolton

Reading reviews of loft beds and dawn is absolutely dragging her son on here instead of reviewing the product. Howling

Thinking about Edward Elric as the Amestrian Military's specialest little unfireable boy

State alchemists can be fired for underperforming. We know this up front from the likes of Shou Tucker. And this makes a ton of sense from the homunculi's standpoint since the state alchemists are sacrifice candidates, and the homunculi would want to cull the weakest candidates and focus only on cultivating the strongest ones who stand the best chance of opening the portal.

........Then there's Edward. Who's already opened the portal.

There's no need to cultivate him. No gamble taken on whether he's good enough to open the portal. He passed the final test already. Graduated 4 semesters early.

And as such, has a free pass to do Absolute Fuck All.

And I'm imagining how funny this is from like an outside perspective.

Some newish state alchemist who'd only ever read up on the stories of Edward Elric, ready and excited to start their career of being paid handsomely with endless freedom to research and travel and do anything they want in the pursuit of science... surprised and confused to find themselves put on probation their first month for things like "ignoring orders." Which is, as best they had thought, a famous Edward Elric pastime.

Roy showing a slight bit of stress about his yearly state alchemist report, and Ed just snorting and rolling his eyes at Roy because every year HE just hastily does his on the train ride over (canon in the manga, a travesty it was left out of the anime) and it gets rubber stamped. Ed not realizing that other alchemists' reports get genuinely scrutinized and torn apart while Ed is free to turn in whatever absolute bullshit he thinks of 36 hours ahead of time. One year his report was about whether alchemy could be done via dance (conclusion: no it can't) and no one cared. Roy WANTS to tell Ed there's some kind of unknown favoritism around Ed making him literally bullet-proof but Roy has no way to phrase this that doesn't sound like he's just in denial and mad at how good Ed's train-reports are.

Guy from the Internal Amestrian Affairs sector who's responsible for auditing other internal military personel for any suspicious activity hitting about 1 million red flags for Edward Elric, issuing a STRONG and URGENT recommendation to suspend the alchemist pending further investigation into things like "literal bunk-buddies with two members of the Xingese royalty (enemy nation)" and "spent $10,000,000 of his stipend on a librarian to make her re-copy (what he seemed to interpret as?) military records in some extremely transparent effort to unearth state secrets (it was a recipe book but he was literally asking her about state secrets)" and "literally has never once obeyed an order, ever, not even once in his career, and is on public record having said 'I do not care about the goals and protections of the Amestrian Military. I am in fact only pursuing my own interests several of which are diametrically opposed to the safety and well-being of the governing body of Amestris'"

The issued recommendation is intercepted before it even reaches its intended desk. President Bradley himself has taken issue with it and denies it before a single set of eyes has seen it. The President's veto stamp is a terrifying hammer, used rarely, and it is now sitting on the auditor's desk.

The auditor sleeps with one eye open from then on out.

#literally anything about the dynamic between edward and the amestrian government is so so so funny to me #im begging you to come pick up your alchemist he keeps committing treason #Roy: absolute perfect ass-kisser and career-man playing the part 24/7 to disguise his treasonous ambitions and still not flying under the radar #Edward on his public Twitter: bored. might tear down the Amestrian government for fun.

UU idk

the second one is based on -> this meem

hey, don’t cry. one half flour one half yogurt knead into dough and fry for easy flatbread and dip in balsamic vinegar, okay?

After three batches, my findings so far:

I’m gonna be eating these for a month

This actually works?? Two-ingredient bread??

I gotta try it.

That's...naan.

That's naan?

*runs to Google*

HOLY SHIT THAT IS NAAN! HOW DID I NOT KNOW NAAN WAS THAT EASY TO MAKE?

this is one of those rare easy bread recipes that also works with gluten free flour! the yoghurt helps with structural integrity. you may want a pinch of xanthan gum if your flour doesn't come with it mixed in. i like to mix some rosemary into the flour to have a herby naan, since i can't have garlic.

Hebden Bridge, Calderdale, West Yorkshire (England)

pillsbury now making all of their dough safe to eat raw is SO funny to me

like they gave up on YEARS of telling people not to and changed their production accordingly bc we just wouldn't stop

WE BROKE 'EM, BOYS

[ID: a package of Pillsbury cookie dough which has the words "safe to eat raw" and "eat or bake" printed at the top. The words have been circled in red. End ID.]