by talos this can’t be happening is a mandela effect because the actual phrase is by the gods this can’t be happening and i’ve never heard anyone say the former in game

by talos this can’t be happening

the phrase by talos this can’t be happening is actually from a rupaul roleplay blog who left their husband in a cage with no food and water for a few weeks and the husband died sorry to be the spoil sport but it does have an origin and it is a very tumblr origin in nature

Here’s the post they’re referring to for context

Oh. Skyrim husband.

oh god

Oh Talos

I love seeing it when people find this out. I fucking love it.

Person who really wants to be dominated by a strong-armed authoritarian in a snappy uniform, but also they want to keep their kinks ideologically pure, so they split the difference and fantasise about getting their ass beat by the inspector-general of the US Postal Service.

#something something shipping discourse

having my evening cucumber

I offered a portion to this large and mannerly horse

noble steed uses her hands to manipulate

i used to work for a nature center and we would constantly have wild owls come and call out to the owls in their cages and try to 1.) get them to follow them or 2.) they were looking for a mate

in the spirit of this post: when you live in areas with wild horses, the number one culprit for horse theft is actually other horses, because the young stallions that get chased out of the herd wanna start their own, and oh, look, look at all those cute mares in just,,,,a fenced off grassy area,,,how easy would it be to lure them over the fence,,,like some four-legged yodeling pied piper,,,

i think about this a lot

*places an orange just outside a fairy ring to see what comes out* science is more of an art than a science

*the orange grows legs and skitters away*

Fascinating results *places a banana in the same spot*

*clawed hand reaches out of the ether and drags it into the ring, leaving ragged claw marks in the soil as it disappears, back into the ether from whence it came*

“let’s go to the extreme.” *places a pineapple in the same spot*

Real scientists would keep putting an orange in the same spot to make sure the results are consistent before moving on to other fruits or different spots.

The only valid response to this post.

We’re working up the complexity levels of fruit until we feel there is enough evidence to support the judicious placement of a volunteer twink

You sit down, we haven’t seen what’s happened to the pineapple

#this is tumblr we’ve all seen what’s happened to the pineapple

tags via @sylveondreams

dungeon meshi has some four humors shit going on

IM FUCKING CRYING

You up? Alex Krokus

That last panel looks so peaceful. Sure they’re tired, but they’re genuinely enjoying themselves. Props to the artist for being able to convey such an interesting expression.

They probably haven’t eaten in a whole 3 seconds

Just letting you know that a friend of mine made a freaking ISOPOD bag from leather!!

Name: Zod

Gender: Pod

@crowtoed @so-i-did-this-thing This seems up your alleys

I bought the pattern the day Karlova released it! 😅

i love digesting lactose it’s so easy to do

fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you

why do we have butt cheeks i dont understand why did we evolve this way

what use do butt cheeks have 

oh my god I HAVE THIS KNOWLEDGE

fun fact: butt-cheeks are one of the things that make us superior to other animals okay note that other apes do not have butt-cheeks

okay don’t quote me on this because I only did sixthform-bio and I’m sure of forgotten loads of stuff but here’s the down-low

back when we were evolving from ape to human, one of the most important things that happened was when our spine started meeting our brains at a sort of 90 degree angle instead of like 45 degrees, which meant that we could straighten up and walk on two legs which was a pretty rad development

except alas oh no our muscles weren’t built to allow us to walk around on two legs because that requires a sort of twisty motion of your hips as opposed to whatever the fuck it is everything else does AND SO ape-people started evolving with longer, narrower waists so that our bodies could twist with every footstep and we could strut along the fashionable catwalk that is neanderthal evolution

but then once this had happened, people realised that we had an advantage over other animals and we would be better at chasing and killing them but we weren’t very good at running

so that’s when we developed the glutenus maximus which is a really badass-sounding name for the muscle in your derriere which helps us to support our spine in an upright position so we don’t get tired, and helps the legs to rotate nicely so that we can run, and has a nice big fat storage around it to help us get energy so that we can run

and that, basically, is the butt-cheek

tl;dr - butt-cheeks were the result of thousands of years of natural selection so that we could run fast and slaughter things

thank you so much for such a fabulous, informative and detailed explanation on the evolution of the butt

i feel enlightened and empowered to know my butt is for such a worthwhile purpose, so thank you 

i love this butt science post so much

Also for squeezing

fun fact: that fat on the cheeks? Incredibly useful source of energy to that muscle during endurance exertion, when glycogen is more or less depleted; carries the advantage of being right there and also serving to pad the important muscles in case of injury and provide a comfortable cushion on which to sit. Fat pads do things, and while we’re most used to thinking of individual fat pads in terms of their structural uses, often they function by providing easy sources of local power for sustained use.

Humans actually have quite a lot of intramuscular fat relative to some other species–I’m used to mice, which don’t bother, for example; neither do rabbits, which are so infamously lean that dining too heavily on them can be bad for human health. Of course, neither species relies much on endurance. Fast twitch muscles, which are good for sprinting and darting, tend to be powered by glycogen availability even within species; by contrast, slow twitch and highly oxidative muscles that are used over sustained exercise are generally powered by intramuscular fat.

(I am reading an interesting thesis tonight that also notes that relative to horses, dogs have more intramuscular fat in hindquarter muscles–exactly what you would expect to see in the context of intramuscular fat as a local fuel for endurance running, since dogs are–like humans–adapted for long distance persistence hunting.)

Next time you slap that jiggly ass, stop and reflect on how important and useful ALL its components are! In a very real sense, humanity’s ass defines us nearly as strongly as our heads.

So what I’m hearing is that having a dump truck ass is literally Evolutionarily Advantageous. Even great-great-great-grandma Ungalug back in the Pleistocene woulda been hunting for a slice of that Cake. Help I’m a Miocene megafauna trying to escape predation but these Hominid ass-cheeks are dummy thick and the resonant clapping of their fatty pads keep driving them onwards beyond the limits of my exhaustion

This is the ass of a killer, Bella.

Check out my evolutionary advantage.

HI WHO WOULD LIKE TO SEE A BABY GOOSE

SCRATCH THAT IT WAS A PINECONE

APOLOGIES FOR THE FALSE ADVERTISING

NO ONE IS MORE DISAPPOINTED THAN ME

NO

I DON'T THINK YOU ARE

OH MY GOD

OKAY, Y'KNOW-

I DON'T NEGOTIATE WITH TERRORISTS

THERE IS NO PINECONE IS THERE

WE TRUSTED YOU. GOOSEGATE 2024

I AM GOING TO SET THE PINECONE ON FIRE

oh no the -

it's time to take the power back from Big Pinecone and give it to the people

YOU DID NOT MAKE FUCKING FANART FOR THIS GODDAMN POST

OH MY GOD

there's a lot to hate but i think my least favourite thing about AI generated images is that now every time i see a really cool artwork on the internet, instead of childlike wonder i experience suspicion