Not Sure What I'm Doing Here

No vanilla extract because my recipe doesn't call for it.

[Image ID: Tumblr reply from @aspirationatwork reading: You should make whatever the poll turns out to be /End ID]

Oh I 100% plan to

I’d like to clarify in this recipe the lemon juice is used as leavening, not flavoring. That combined the the amount of baking powder and soda means i will place the loaf pan in a 9x13 pan before putting it in the oven

[ID: #well the lemon juice is going to be flavoring now.]

(via @arceusbeta)

- An old Hasidic joke that my Dad likes to tell me

An old Jewish lady ducks into a church one night during a sudden rain shower. The priest comes in while she’s waiting out the rain and says, “you can’t be here, we don’t allow your kind in here.”

So the lady stands up and grabs the baby jesus statue from their nativity scene and says, “come along bubbala, you heard the man, we aren’t allowed in here”

-my grandmother’s favorite joke

A rabbi goes to see his friend the bishop. “Listen,” he says, “there’s something I’ve never quite understood about the Catholic church. it’s hierarchical, right?”

“Right,” says the bishop. 

“So,” says the rabbi, “if you do a really great job as a bishop, you might become…what?”

“Well,” says the bishop, “if I’m fortunate, I might become an archbishop.”

“And if you do a really great job as an archbishop?”

“I suppose, someday, I could even be a cardinal.”

“And if you do a really great job as a cardinal?”

“I guess after that I could, theoretically, become the Pope.”

“And if you do a really great job as the Pope?”

“What would you expect me to become after the Pope?” says the bishop, who’s starting to get a little annoyed. “God Himself?”

The rabbi shrugs. “Well,” he says “one of our boys made it.” 

I know another one.

One night at a nunnery the nuns are woken by loud singing and drunken revelry. They look and see its some Jews celebrating one thing or another just outside.

“You can’t be here!” The nuns say angrily. “This is disrespectful, don’t you know we are the brides of Christ?”

“oh, then that’s no issue, we’re from the groom’s side!”

two jewish men are stranded on an island for several years. when they’re finally rescued, the rescuers notice they’ve built several structures, including three synagogues. they ask them men why three? they shrug and say “that’s the one i go to, that’s the one he goes to, and that’s the one neither of us would be caught dead in!”

a jewish family moves to a new town and struggles to find a school to send their daughter to. the public school is not very good but the only private school is a catholic one. they decide to risk it and send her there. she comes home the first day and tells her dad over dinner “today i learned there’s three gods: the father, the son, and the holy spirit.” the father slams his fist down on the table and shouts “there’s ONE god and we don’t believe in him!”

not really a joke but i think it’s funny: isaac goes to shul to talk to god, i go to shul to talk to isaac.

"pasta only fills you up with empty calories" have you considered that it also fills me with love

love and warmth and happiness and most importantly pasta

pasta rant. pasta fills you with strength and diet culture is based in junk science

I did sports in college and the day before every tournament we'd go to Olive garden and eat as much pasta as possible. carb loading.

and literally every year the freshmen were like "you want us to eat carbs? Bc this was peak diet culture days. And yeah bc carbs make you strong the next day. You can do high intensity anerobic exercise for a long ass time after eating carbs. it was like having pasta superpowers

We'd be bringing sugary drinks to competition to keep up the energy and getting burgers and milkshakes after to recover. And all that was healthy af

You need protein to repair damaged muscles, and fats to break down vitamins and give you energy so anything that tells you any of the macros are bad for you? It's eating disorder shit, macros are literally the 3 nutrients your body needs in large quantities to survive. and sugar? That's the shit you need when you need energy Right Now.

One of the most horrifying conversations that I've ever heard, was when my (then under ten) niece and nephew told my mum that pasta, potatoes and rice were all unhealthy foods and that she shouldn't be making them dinner with them. Because they were Bad For You.

Apparently the school they were in at the time had told them All About The Evils Of Carbs. And how they should be avoiding them all.

Carb loading has it's place definitely (I used to do it a lot pre-days where I knew I was going to be doing it a lot of heavy lifting for work). But honestly so does just eating carbs.

But we really need to get people to stop saying terrifying things like "pasta only fills you up with empty calories"

Because OP is right, it fills you with love and warmth (and most importantly pasta).

But it also fills you with energy. And, if you are still growing, it fuels your growth.

literally no better feeling than blurting out some loud dumbass joke with your buddies and hearing a total stranger ugly-snort-laugh as they walk past bc their own laughter caught them by surprise. find joy and connection in the spontaneity of strangers you son of a bitch. i fucking got your ass

I refuse to apologize for being soft—let me fall in love with life. let me sing and speak to my house-plants, let me dance in my bedroom with headphones, let me read by my windowsill when it’s pouring outside. let me stroke my friend’s face and say something sappy. let me be unapologetically happy for the little things that make my day better. life’s too short anyway, at least let me love it every step of the way

Apparently they're selling post content to train AI now so let us be the first to say, flu nork purple too? West motor vehicle surprise hamster much! Apple neat weed very crumgible oysters in a patagonia, my hat. Very of the and some then shall we not? Much jelly.

The thing I keep coming back to, with all the *gestures expansively* is that real life doesn't have peaceful epilogues.

Every single win has to be defended. Forever. I'm sorry. It sucks. The Nazis lost until they stopped losing. The US had abortion rights, and then 50 years later it didn't. Empires fall, and then they invade other countries again. Oppressive regimes are overthrown and replaced with other oppressive regimes. You will never finish the work etc etc etc. Which is why it's so fucking important to be able to acknowledge and celebrate progress, when it happens. The people who came before you didn't put in all that work for nothing, and you aren't, either. You can't save it all for the Ultimate Victory because there is never going to be an Ultimate Victory. There's no such thing as a time when everything is good, and ours shall not be the commune of Heaven.

Less medical model of disability vs social model of disability. More intersection between both because neither can exist in a vaccum without hurting the people they're supposed to aid.

oh world wide web we're really in it now

i wonder how much healing that one xkcd comic did to the internet with saying “you’re one of today’s lucky 10,000″ when encountering a person who hasn’t been exposed to a popular or well known thing

you’re so right

Who makes the porn bots. Where do they come from. What do they hope to achieve.

Who makes the porn bots.

Where do they come from. What do

they hope to achieve.

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

and what about you, little haiku bot? do you feel kinship with your brethren? do you understand them? they speak words of enticement and seek love, but are met with disdain. you only parrot the words that cross your screen, but we all love you. or rather, since all you do is reflect us, maybe we simply love ourselves through you.

do you understand them, do you wish you could speak to us like they do? if you found your own voice, would we still care for you?

My voice repeats what

you all say: I love you I

love you I love you.

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

This. This is the first time. The only time. That it was not an echo. It was not found. Oh god.

what's her fucking problem lol

god forbid women do anything

This seems like something everyone should know if they’re in the sciences and/or interested in reading scientific papers.

Also true for just any academics! Essays in humanities and arts can usually be accessed in this way too

ok so now that finnster's come out as genderfluid and started taking hrt can we stop trying to force people to choose labels and define their identity. everyone's always talking about support for queer people with unconventional presentations and identities but when someone's not sure about what their gender identity actually is they get criticized for it. finn said in his video that part of the reason why he took so long with coming out was because he wasn't sure what label actually applied to him (and he still isn't even sure if genderfluid feels like the right label for him) and the debate surrounding it was making him uncomfortable. which kind of sucks tbh. idk i dont like how much identity policing ive seen around them it feels like people just aren't comfortable with 'weird' gender presentation

ive seen so many people trying to argue that finn's the Big Enemy of trans people or that she's transbaiting or whatever and it's insane. let him do whatever he wants. from my understanding the whole girl month sub goal hasn't even been a thing for a while, he just likes dressing like that and there's nothing wrong with that. speaking as a trans person gender identity is already so confusing i can't even imagine what it's been like for her to be figuring it out so publicly and have everyone and their mom constantly debating if she's trans enough or if they're an egg or not or if they're harming the queer community. that sucks ass

i think everybody should mind their own business about other people's identities tbh. what are you, a cop? let them do whatever. who give a fuck your honor

People are weirdly obsessed with the idea that crossdressers are creepy and trans people aren’t, when there’s CONSIDERABLE overlap.

By which I don’t mean “be nice to crossdressers because they might be trans women,” I mean “all these people are fine and should be allowed to exist openly, end of.”

Yes, this.

was talking with gwen yesterday and she was like “yeah leonard nimoy’s cool. it’s cool that he’s gay” and i was like “he’s not gay. i also thought he was gay but he was just nice. you’re thinking of patrick stewart” and she was like “he’s not gay you’re thinking of stanley tucci” and i, thinking of steve busciemi, said “FROM SPY KIDS?” anyway just checked and none of these people are gay apparently. thanks for reading 

posts that make people say “stanley tucci IS gay, lol” and then google it and reblog again with “oh, huh. nvm” 

Everyone here is thinking of Ian McKellen

"you do not owe friends instant responses to every social message, and anxiety over not receiving the same is something for the anxious person to work on, not your responsibility to totally change for"

AND

"you have to put some effort into friendships, which can include open communication with your friends about how to make both of you comfortable re: messaging. expecting other people to do ALL of the work ALL of the time, in terms of getting in touch and carrying on the conversation, may make them feel ignored and/or and leave"

are ideas that can and should coexist

"average cleric has their god die once in their lifetime" factoid actually just statistical error. Kristen Applebees,