rather be dead than cool

In my new report, I provide the first ever look inside of a US military program known as the Secretary of Defense Executive Fellows (SDEF) program, which gives major government contractors like Lockheed Martin and Boeing a way to influence senior military policymakers.

The program sends US military officers to work at major corporations for nearly a year; when they return, the fellows submit recommendations for reform of the Pentagon based on their observations of the private sector. 

We document numerous examples of companies using this program to pass along self-interested policy recommendations to US military leaders, including: more outsourcing, corporate subsidies, deregulation, less oversight, more political power to contractors, looser arms export rules, and more. We also analyzed a sample of former SDEF fellows and found that 43% of them go through the revolving door and work for military contractors after leaving the program. As such, the SDEF program uses government money to help subsidize the military-industrial complex, placing corporate interests above the public interest.

You can read my summary of the report here, along with coverage by The Lever here.

From Playgirl magazine/January 2000

Not gonna say it again

so. this is a hard post for me to write, given that this is, i think, the fifth time i've started trying to write it and first time i haven't chickened out halfway through this first sentence where i admit that part.

i'll save you all the time and energy and get what this post is about out of the way, first: i need money, badly. yeah, this is another post where a disabled, brain-damaged trans woman tells you her sob story and asks you for cash to mitigate it. shocking, i know. it's almost like it's hard for women like us to survive under capitalism, or something!

but here's facts: i'm currently jobless. now, normally this would not be the end of my fucking world - i have a patreon that's meant to help cover my basic living expenses and provide something of a cushion, and at least momentarily i have a roommate who's being very understanding about my difficulties covering any portion of the rent. however. that roommate is already looking for new places to live. and i am not the only one in financial dire straits at the moment, and in fact it seems like virtually everyone in my social circle that i normally know i can rely on to help keep those of us less-employable queers afloat is under severe financial duress to the degree they've had to pull out of doing any of that for the foreseeable, and as a result - my current expected net income per month for the foreseeable future, as far as i can plan on it being, is limited to what i make on patreon: exactly $171. and right when i have medical debts incurred from veterinary intervention to save my cat's life that i need to pay off monthly or start incurring severe interest on, too! ain't life grand? i don't know when, or even if, i'll be able to change this state of affairs; in an ideal world, i'd be able to claim self-employment and have it be true. we do not live in an ideal world, so my best shot at that is asking for you to support my patreon or buy my work off itch.

in fact, i am asking, just short of begging, for you to do one or both of these things before any other option. it's not that i don't need immediate financial aid, because i do. but more than that: i need to fucking survive, bitch. i need to reliably have enough money to keep a roof over my head and food in my mouth and if i can accomplish both of those things i can also do the other, fun things that people like to get from me, like long, thoughtful critiques of this piece of art or that piece of media or any number of other things that i am compelled by my demons to produce awhile. you may notice some of that's dried up recently, and part of that's panic-induced brain spiral shutdown in effect. it is, in fact, easier to make art, criticism included, when you're not worrying whether buying a soda now means risking overdrafting on your cell phone bill later.

it's here where i wish i had hustle. i'd love to be one of those pledge allegiance to the grind types that you know only gets better the hungrier i am, give you something to look forward to as an earn on your investment in me and my future; unfortunately, i'm just not one of those people. hunger just makes me hungry, it doesn't make me more capable.

i won't make any promises i can't keep. but if you give me money, especially if you give me money i can consistently count on being there when i need it and enough of it i don't need to worry about what i'm gonna eat or where i'm gonna stay, there will be work made off the back of that financial security. and if you like any of the work i've done to date, both as a media critic and as a fiction writer, i can promise you it'll meet your expectations.

thanks for your time.

and here, for ease of access, some links:

my patreon my itch.io account paypal ko-fi venmo (i do not currently have a working cashapp account. sorry.)

— Jorge Luis Borges, “Julio Cortazar, Stories” from Prologues to a Personal Library.

three logicians are in a bar. the bartender says "any of you want a drink?". the first logician says "I don't know". the second logician says "I don't know". the third logician says "no".

An absolutely devastating loss. One of my favorite actresses. Her work in Bushmama and Daughters were reasons I went to Howard

I must not explain the joke. Explaining the joke is the joke-killer. I will face my followers who did not get the joke. I will permit them to pass over me and through me

you are making this so difficult

"Are you holding any tension in your body?"

uh yeah obviously. Where else would I keep it?

The thing about Timmy Chalamet is that he’s truly a great actor and he even has good taste in projects and he’s not even overexposed when you calibrate for how overexposed all that group of 25-30 year old big stars are……however something is still off. any time he gets cast in something it feels like that movie instantly turns into a parody of a movie. I cannot explain this

now come the days of the king

real