Cartoons and Caffeine and Other Such Things

top five most important things you can give a character. 1. bisexuality. 2. autism. 3. so much negative rizz it loops around into irresistibility. 4. so many bad events. 5. a coping mechanism that’s cute and silly provided you don’t think about it too hard

imagine ur mortal enemies with a vampire and they just fucking. take a nap until you die. 100 years later they wake up like “i win” how embarrassing,,,

The best revenge is living well........

i think the best revenge in this case would be killing ur vampire enemy

Ok but imagine ur an immortal vampire and your worst enemy is a world renoun author who's been dead for 500 years but people still quote him. Like imagine if ur mortal enemy was william shakespeare or dante aligheri. Like you cant even kill them by any means. Everybody loves them but you remember them and you hate them but everyone disagrees with you

oh god,,,, that’d be my worst nightmareeee. yeah ur right the best revenge is getting so famous that u become immortal and then ur vampire enemy can never escape u

Evilwizard u have an excellent point

You roll up to the Wizard Battle and your opponent takes out his spellbook but it’s just one of these

I'd leave. This is a sign that my opponent has the most fucked up unethical spells imaginable, and I am not about to be subject to Malchezar's Piercing Prostate Bomb or something

genuinely wish i could

characters have to be a little bit awful in ways that you cant defend. its good for the ecosystem. your honor he did do that. He did in fact do that

In the future, children will think our ways are strange. "Why do old people always grow so much milkweed in their gardens?" they'll say. "Why do old people always write down when the first bees and butterflies show up? Why do old people hate lawn grass so much? Why do old people like to sit outside and watch bees?"

We will try to explain to them that when we were young, most people's yards were almost entirely short grass with barely any flowers at all, and it was so commonplace to spray poisons to kill insects and weeds that it was feared monarch butterflies and American bumblebees would soon go extinct. We will show them pictures of sidewalks, shops, and houses surrounded by empty grass without any flowers or vegetables and they will stare at them like we stared at pictures of grimy children working in coal mines

We will be feeding our grandchildren strawberries and raspberries we grew in our gardens, dragging them along to the farmers' markets for tomatoes and eggs and goats milk and pickles and pecans and salsa and sunflower seed butter and jars of honey, as they complain and drag their feet because Gramma always stands around talking to people for like an HOUR

and we will say "When I was YOUR age, fruits and vegetables came from a supermarket and they were bred to get shipped 1000 miles in a truck and sit on shelves for weeks, and they tasted so sour and watery it was like eating paper compared to these ones. It wasn't even legal in some places to grow your own food"

and they will roll their eyes like yeah yeah just because everything was miserable in the 20s doesn't mean I have to have a smile on my face standing in the hot sun while you listen to that one guy talk about his bees FOREVER

But they will go, because there might be baby goats.

Since I made this post, dozens and dozens of people have left tags telling me that it was the first thing today that made them want to continue living, that it was the first thing that made them consider that they might be okay years in the future, that they might grow old, that it was the first and only post of its kind they'd ever seen—the first post that boldly predicts a future where we make it.

And many other people have been just spitting, foaming at the mouth fucking FURIOUS. How dare I have the audacity to imagine a future where things get better?

Don't I know how BAD things are? Am I not aware of the TERROR and DEVASTATION of climate change and fascism and biodiversity loss? How dare someone be so bold, so callous, as to imagine something other than misery and suicide. How dare someone suggest it will get better. How dare a person propose that there is a future where we will be okay, in the face of so much terror. Hasn't she seen the abyss opening its jaws before us?

Well? What do you think?

Do you think I've seen the abyss?

Sometimes a creative outlet is a fun little hobby and sometimes it's a lifelong affliction. Like I crochet because making little woven animals sparks joy and I'm a writer whether I like it or not because I'm tormented by visions

Me crocheting: I made a duck ! ^_^

Me writing: pacing around talking to myself compelled by forces beyond my comprehension

i know it's funnier without context but here's the context if anyone needs it

just found out i've been abandoned by god which means he's not watching anything i do anymore. you should come over.

The haunting ancient Celtic carnyx being played for an audience. This is the sound Roman soldiers would have heard their Celtic enemies make.

Man if I heard that shit while descending upon a strange land with my brethren I'd straight up dig a hole to die in right the and there, fuck the emperor fuck the gods that's a warning straight from the bones of an older evil and whatever is coming is worse than death

Other cultures: [loud, synchronized, and rhythmic noises to signal group cohesion]

Celts, apparently: what if we just gave people primordial dread. Will that work?? I think it'll work

THE LAND BEFORE TIME (1988) dir. Don Bluth

her shaped

“Do not,” said the cat, “Try that again!”

“Amontillado my ass. There was nothing back here!”

“This is my hole! It was made for me!”

“Yeah. because you dug it out yourself!”

“DETAILS!”