This Blog Is Pro-Tomatoes

People talk about the surprise albums from people like Taylor Swift or Beyoncé that drop with zero warning but I have just been existing in this world where every album I've ever heard in my life has been a surprise album because I didn't know that musicians had schedules that we could see

Everything is a surprise when you don't pay attention

do you like me? blink once for yes and decapitate yourself for no

[video by tommcgovern27. original caption: this one's going out to anyone living in a studio apartment rn]

555!!

Mixed signals.

birdbath?

if I say "I have to Austin Powers my car out of a parking space," do you understand what i mean

like this?

fanfiction writers when a character is remotely non-human

hazmat is short for hazardous matthew

kobi levi in for the love of shoes - patrice farameh (2013)

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - 7x04 Take Me Out to the Holo-Suite

dm'ing a mutual you've never interacted with one-on-one is so embarrassing like. hi.... im sorry. you can kill me if you want... can i have your discord..... if not.. feel free to shoot me down where i stand... im sorry.. i'll leave..

And the longer you've been mutuals without interacting the weirder it is to make first contact omg

"I was honor bound to never break the sacred pact. For four years I've kept that solemn vow, and you would be well within your right to strike me down.

Yet here I stand, at your mercy, with my life in your hands, to beg of your discord username."

do androids dream of electric sheep...?

RIP i lockpicked my chastity cage again so this time instead she's installing two lil guards next to my penis and one of them can only tell lies

died and i came back normal. more normal than before even. such a regular guy it’s freaking everyone out. i’m ironing my shirts & doing the sunday paper crossword puzzle and the people i love won’t stop crying