i had my first anxiety attack today

I have never had an anxiety attack. I have never felt so overwhelmed with emotion that I don’t feel like I can function.

That happened today. 

I have a whole new respect for people who deal with anxiety issues on a daily basis. I have no idea how you are able to overcome anxieties every day and go on with your lives.

I found an apartment to rent, it is perfect. It is available for March 1st which is two months before I was planning on moving out, but with it being available now and right in my price range, I had to decide right away. Being under that pressure, followed by the fact that to move out I will need to take on some extra work so that I will have a bit more disposable income, which means I will have less spare time. Add to that the fact the the Ex refuses to pay me the money he owes me and is freaking out about the fact that he co-signed on my car and wants his name off of the loan, which I told him will not happen especially because he has yet to pay me the money he owes me. So he is threatening to call my car in stolen, which is laughable impossible as the ownership for the car is solely in my name... but it is still very difficult to deal with him. THEN on top of that, I am terrible at being single and everything with The Boy stresses me the fuck out.... I had what my mother would call a ‘major minor melt down.’ Major because I was pretty much hysterical, but minor because I was able to pull my shit together and get on with life afterwards, it didn’t render me useless in a ball on the floor but it was damn close. 

So I have come to the conclusion I have to start dealing with my emotions better. I have been either eating them away or exercising them away and neither strategy is working for me. I need to take the time to document how I am feeling and work through things..... I am not sure if I will do that here from time to time but I am certainly going to start a journal.