Reblog the tiny eevee to gain luck and good fortune in 2017

hell is right-clicking to save an image and accidentally clicking ‘email image’ and having to wait forty years for some email program you didn’t even know existed to rise from its slumber like some lovecraftian ancient god, meanwhile the fans on your laptop are preparing for takeoff and you stare dead-eyed as the rainbow spirals, spirals, spirals. you wait and suffer this cosmic karma. days pass. “just a few more seconds” you slur. your laptop freezes and the concept of time is no longer comprehensible. your family and friends forget your name and you fade from existence.

I’M SCREAMING

reblog this post with a cool animal species lets make a wholesome thread

ok ill give a headstart:

i really like leopard seals 

axolotls are p rad

I LOVE THOSE

potoos look like muppets and i ove tem

here’s a quokka it’s like someone decided to splice together a wallaby and a teddy bear they literally always look like a benevolent cartoon

i don’t think you can get more wholesome than that adorable lil seed-eating smiley face. they’re not even like dolphins, cute on the outside and evil on the inside. they’re herbivores about the size of a cat. there is nothing wrong with them. 

The Springhaas, or “irl pikachu” as it is sometimes known, is basically a rat shaped like a bunny abruptly caught in the middle of trying to evolve into a kangaroo. This is why they tend to look startled.

This is a dik dik. They are tiny antelopes from southern and eastern Africa–seriously so smol. With teeny hooves and teeny horns and big soulful eyes. And the name is fun to say. It comes from the alarm call that the females make. They live together in monogamous pairs. 

Long Eared Jerboa

The adorable mash-up of a hamster, bunny, and kangaroo. Whiskers with no end, ears that put a fennec to shame, and adorability beyond measure!

bringing this back on your dashes

This is the paradise tree snake of southeast Asia:

Pretty, right?

But that’s not even the best part…

These guys can actually flatten out their bodies and…

FUCKING GLIDE FROM TREE TO TREE HOLY FUCK IS THAT AWESOME OR WHAT

Ratufa indica. Look at this awesome purpley squirrel.

Okay, this Tumblr game looks fun for once.

Image by Richard Bartz, under CC BY-SA 2.5.

The lammergeier (Gypaetus barbatus), a bone-eating, goat-dropping dragon bird that wears makeup.

Fruit bats.

No special reason, I just like fruit bats and think they deserve more love.

Originally posted by deannajackson

Capybaras cause they’re basically really friendly rats the size of a large dog. 

Originally posted by becausebirds

Originally posted by bonniekristian

Also they apparently get along with just about everyone and everything. They’re just friendly giant rats that are adorable and they deserve more love.

The honduran white bat is tiny and fluffy.

Platypus!

One of only two mammals that lay eggs, has a venomous spur, can detect electricity, and so fuckin’ weird people thought they were a hoax at first.

Botos - pink river dolphins - are amazing.

When the Amazon rises, they swin amongst the trees and eat fruit.

Also, in local legends, they transform into pretty young men who seduce girls.

the vaquita!!! they’re the smallest and most endangered porpoises on the planet

this is a picture of a calf but they usually grow to 140.6 cm (4.6 ft)

leopard geckos absolutely have to be on this list!! i love them, they are my children 

This guy is a hoatzin, also known as a stinkbird. Because it stinks. Like really really bad. ‘Cause it solely subsides on plant matter, which it ferments in its giant crop that, combined with its short wings, make it too awkward to fly properly. It’s a stinky, useless bird that is actually doing pretty okay despite being clumsy and having a specialized diet ‘cause it smells so bad that most things don’t want to eat it. Supposedly it tastes as nasty as it smells.

Also, the babies have little claws on their wings that help them grip on branches and stuff. They fall off when they get older, but still. LOOK AT IT. LOOK AT THEM. LITTLE DINOSAURS.

I love hoatzins. I love these smelly horrible babies.

What a good post! Here’s Elaphodus cephalophus, aka, a Tufted Deer! Like other, boring-er deer, but with FANGS and a cool hairdo!

I offer you, the highland cow!

They’re a scottish breed of cattle that come in quite the range of colors, have long wavy coats and long horns.

Also their calves look like literal stuffed animals.

Highland coos! So cute.

This here is a coquí (co-KEE) - it is a teensy eensy tree frog whose name comes from the incredibly loud (considering their size) sound they make. They chill out in Puerto Rico and at night they sound like a chorus of fairy car alarms going off.

Omg

FUCK 

Women aren’t allowed to have knees

betty spaghetti lookin ass

sorry boys! the only “d” i crave is death

Observation: I have never broken a bone Hypothesis: I am boneless Data: I appear to have broken at least two bones in my foot slipping on the ice Conclusion: I have at least two bones. Strong evidence suggests the possibility of a third one. 

I’m an astrophysicist. 

space is weird

Did you know that if you put Saturn in water it would float? Or that we are moving through space at the rate of 530km a second? Or that the moon is drifting away from Earth? What about that the light hitting the earth right now is 30 thousand years old?

thanks nasa

I wonder how the meteor that was supposed to hit us back in 2012 is doing and if it’s interested in hitting us now

★ SHABOM | Moon Pride 2016 ☆ ✔ republished w/permission

Fun game:

Replace “Father” in Christian texts with “Daddy”

“Our Daddy who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name”

“forgive me, daddy, for i have sinned”

“But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Daddy, who is unseen. Then your Daddy, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. - Matthew 6:6“

well mine works at nintendo

i legitimately cannot stop laughing

All I can think of is that fucking THX intro that made us all deaf

So I got this ad on youtube...

It’s for U.S. Cellular, specifically advertising how great their streaming service is. You can even , the guy in the ad says, stream hours of grass mowing.

And I go… “wait a minute…that sounds weird…why hasn’t this ad ended yet?”

And I look at the bottom. 

the ad is seven hours long.

UPDATE

i’m half an hour in

the guy’s come back a couple times. his mower broke down and he went to get more gas. he came back and started it up again, drove around a few more times making comments about it being fun and “you still watchin? weird.” After a bit he took out a ruler and started measuring the grass.

He pulled out a book and a lawn chair and started reading, but he just left and said he’ll be back soon

he brought out an umbrella but it fell over so he left and came back and tried to fix it but it completely broke so he stalked off, dragging the chair behind him. i’m loving this.

HE BROUGHT OUT A HAND-HELD UMBRELLA

he’s really getting into the book

He put away the umbrella and book and stuff and now he’s measuring the grass again.

HE’S GONNA PLAY CROQUET

the sprinklers turned on…i’m two hours into this thing

more compelling than real tv tbh

my parents aren’t teaching me life lessons.

#i need some adults to TEACH ME SHIT ABOUT LIFE

I’m an adult.

Some shit about life, from a bonafide adult:

Do not buy generic brand spaghetti sauce either.

Always check the type of light bulb that goes in lamps. A 60w is not interchangeable with a 40w.

Dollar store batteries work just as well as store brand.

~~Medications~~

Over the counter medications (stuff you can buy right off the shelf no prescription needed) have a name brand and a generic name. ALWAYS buy generic if it’s available it is literally the same thing and way cheaper usually.

Some names to remember when you’re looking for meds!

Acetaminophen = Tylenol

Used to treat pain and reduce fever. Do not take with Ibuprofen.

Ibuprofen = Advil, Midol, Motrin

Used for pain and fever, is an anti-inflammtory. Is good for period cramps because it is an NSAID (non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drug).

Naproxen = Aleve, Naprosyn

Treats fever, pain, arthritis pain, gout, period cramps, tendinitis, headache, backache, and toothache. Is also an NSAID.

Acetaminophen + Asprin + Caffeine = Excedrin

Usually marketed as “Migraine Relief” as a generic.

Asprin = Bayer

Use for pain, fever, arthritis, and inflammation. Makes you bleed easily so should not be used for periods. Might reduce risk of heart attacks.\

Triple Antibiotic Ointment = Neosporin

Used on cuts, sores, and scrapes to reduce risk of infection and promote healing.

Also a general mutli-vitamin isn’t a bad idea and if you don’t get a lot of fruits or milk/sunshine in your diet you might want to get vitamins C and D specifically for daily use.

if you do accidentally lapse and put dawn in your dishwasher, run it empty and put hair conditioner where the detergent goes. that’ll clean it out (tip given to me by dorm custodian when roommate did the thing).

if you live off ramen, add stuff to it! add veggies you like, don’t use the whole flavor packet to cut down on sodium and msg or don’t use it at all and add your own spices.

if you’re making something with potatoes in it (beans, stew) potatoes are done when you can easily stab a fork through them.

you can microwave a hotdog as long as you put it in a microwave safe container of water. microwaves work by making water molecules vibrate. also, when reheating rice leftovers, add a small amount of water, like maybe a spoonfull, so it doesn’t get hard and crunchy.

the rice cooking advice above is for long grain rice. if you’re making short or medium grain rice, a 1:1 ratio (one cup water for one cup rice) is better, so the rice doesn’t come out too mushy.

buy a few cans of chicken. wholesale club stores like sam’s, costco, or bj’s tend to carry multipacks for a good price. they’re incredibly useful for when you forget to defrost meat.

buy meat on sale and put it in the freezer. buy vegetables on sale, and put them in the freezer. frozen veggies are often as flavorful and good as fresh ones, keep longer, and often come in microwaveable bags or with microwave directions.

soak ink stains in milk to help get them out or at least lighten them.

soak blood stains in water as soon as possible, with a bit of detergent or stain remover. scrub at them. use cold water, heat binds proteins to fabric. tbh, there’s no real need to change the washer from cold-cold setting unless the thing you’re washing says to wash in warm water.

acetone, found in most nail polish removers, dissolves super glue.

YOU’RE ALL DOING GOD’S WORK BLESS YOU

Takes pictures, have prints made and put them in photo albums. Be IN the pictures, have someone take pictures of you and your friends. Get over not looking perfect in thw picture. Someday that friend might be gone and those pictures might be all you’ll have, you will want to be in them. I made that mistake with my best friend, i always felt weird asking for a picture together… he died of cancer January of 2014 and now i have no pictures of us together. Its my only regret in life.

This is really helpful, thank you all!

I’m the newest of new adults but I’m gonna throw these little tips in there. IF YOU HAVE AN OLD CAR: 

-coolant or water if your car overheats (coolant is preferable cause it won’t hurt the engine in the long run but hey i know money is tight) 

-flashlight in case you break down at night and need to check under the hood and your phone is dead

-SPARE TIRE. 

-jumper cables.you will at some point leave your lights on. you just will. 

AAA or any other road side service is never a bad investment i swear. (try to mooch it off your parents as long as you can though) 

Know how to change a tire. You’re going to need to do it at some point in time and you can’t always rely on someone else to do it for you.

Don’t be afraid to go to your local food bank. They are there for a reason.

Don’t be ashamed to ask for help period. Life is hard, everyone needs help occasionally.

You can put a LOWER wattage bulb in a lamp that says it’s for a higher one, but don’t put a HIGHER wattage bulb in. Also, watts refer to the amount of electricity used. LUMENS refers to the amount of light put out, and can vary quite a bit between brands, even though the wattage is the same. Look for the one with the highest lumens unless you actually want a slightly dimmer bulb in a certain location. Those dollar store batteries? Fine if they’re alkaline. “Heavy-duty” batteries, however, won’t last nearly as long. You can microwave a hot dog and bun simply by wrapping them in a toweling for a minute, less if you don’t want them scalding hot.

Reblogging to save lives.

Two adulting (kitchen-related) tips from me!

1. Buy a roll of parchment paper from the cooking shit aisle. A big roll will last you for-fucking-ever. Pretty much any time you’re using a baking pan you can line it with that stuff and save yourself A: food sticking to the pan and B: it’s a quick rinse and it’s clean.

2. Bread can get fucking expensive, so make your own. A bigass bag of flour and a bag of active dry yeast (store it in the friiiiidge!!!) works out a FUCK of a lot cheaper than buying bread at the store, and you can do so much more with it. Bread, pizza, rolls, cinnibuns, homemade pizza pockets. It seems intimidating but it’s stupid easy.

Seriously. It’s stupid simple to make, and most of the “3 hours” to make it is sitting around surfing the internet or doing whatever the fuck you want while the dough rises. If you have an afternoon free once a week to sit and play video games or surf the net, you have the time to make your own bread on the cheap. Here’s my simple-as-fuck recipe:

Boom. You have bread dough. Here are some baking times and uses for ya:

You can add whatever you want to the dough for some variety, just if it’s dried spices remember you really only need 1-ish tablespoons. I personally like making bread with about 1 tablespoon of dill in the dough. Roll it out flat, sprinkle it with cheddar, roll it into a log, squeeze the ends shut, and bake it like a regular loaf of bread. Cheesy dill bread OMNOMNOM.

*ahem* That got a bit long. But yeah. Bread’s expensive, yo. Save your wallet.

(Also it’s ridiculous amounts of therapeutic to bake, for me anyway)

Being able to bake your own bread is pretty awesome, if you got the time for it.