oh i get it now. if i was being lazy i would be having fun

i need feminism because when jesus does a magic trick it’s a goddamn miracle but when a woman does a magic trick she gets burned at the stake

fabulous 

i mean they did also kill jesus. that was a pretty significant thing that happened. like i understand where you’re coming from here but they very much did kill jesus.

#HAPPY GOOD FRIDAY

What order do you take pills in?

the role of the person in the passenger seat is not only navigator but secretary as well. you have to type up the drivers messages to random ladies on facebook about cbd cream & google whether that billy joel song was the theme song for that show or not

you also have to provide a henchmans disdainful scowl at whoever the driver is flipping off in the target parking lot

other assorted roles may include

Don't forget the Tommy Gun

You should never forget the Tommy Gun

count everything, including dorms, moving between houses on a single campus/compound, etc.

if you were/are homeless/couch surfing, count each location where you stayed at least a week.

*Knock Knock*

A few weeks ago I tried explaining to my non tumblr friends what blorbo/eeby deeby/glup shitto/scrunglo/plinko was and it almost gave all of us an aneurysm

This was the post I was trying to explain. This was how I looked

Yeah I can see how this would feel like having a stroke to an outsider

not only is my new thesaurus terrible, but it’s also terrible

I'm very simple:

I just need every person I meet to give me constant reassurance that I'm doing a good job

And also for

literally no one to even know that I exist

Hopping on the weirdly specific poll train!

A lesbian couple were smoking weed together.

One was a high femme, the other was a stoned butch.

sealing a tomb with wards that only respond to the emperors dna call that a johnlock

@arithmonym i use my second action to cast: hatching a plot to steal some of gods dna call that the johnlock conspiracy

Blacklisted from all LGBT+ book awards after someone figures out that my heartwarming and atmospheric novel of a trans woman's self-discovery through forestry among the majestic Pacific Northwestern landscape is just the plot of Monty Python's Lumberjack Song taken seriously.

An underrated horse fact is that if you have horse that is both A. Not stupid and B. Likes you, it will actively try to prevent you from falling to your doom when you fuck up as a rider. Like actually make an effort not to drop you like a cell phone. I think horses deserve more credit for that.

My mum's favourite horse was a total bitch who hated everyone and everything except for playing polocrosse (she was a polocrosse horse). When she was on the field she'd do everything to win, including keeping a stupid rider properly seated no matter how bad at staying on they were, but the instant she was off the field all bets were off. Her favourite tricks included:

She was always very careful never to hurt anyone more than a bruise but boy did she love giving those bruises. If you were in real danger (such as being pressed between two horses and risking being trampled), she would use her own body to protect you. And then bite you. But she'd play these stupid games constantly and then as soon as she was on the field it was like 'me and my rider are best friends, we are a TEAM that will WIN THIS GAME' and was totally trustworthy until the chukka was over. (Between chukkas, she was not trustworthy. I'd keep her warm between chukkas and she'd resent me because she wanted to be out on the field playing with the other horses, not doing something silly and pointless like 'take a few minutes at a slower pace so your stupid horse heart doesn't explode'. Between chukkas was prime Step On Derin's Feet time.)

“good Christian honk” sounds like a euphemism