I love being in college because there are no actual adults around so everyone is just going around bullshitting their way through basic tasks. Like I can be like “I think I got better from my cold because I ate an orange yesterday” and everyone is like “Yeah makes sense” and somebody could just be like “I’m gonna put my pillow in the washing machine to clean it” and everyone’s like “Sounds like a great idea John”
me_irl
What children?? This is a normal man, probably in his way to watch an R-rated film, as any adult has the right to do!
“Hello, fellow adults”
“oh. sorry”
oh boy the sonic movie design is being fixed and there’s no sign of the movie being delayed from its release in November. Someone save the poor animators who are gonna inevitably be forced to overwork themselves to death saving this disaster of a movie
me @ those poor animators:
my pockets jingle with stolen buttons from hot topic
i literally cant stop stealing those buttons from the Button Vats like i dont feel like paying 3 dollars for a piece of tin with pusheen on it but i do feel like doing a heist
call the cops bitch ill have sex with them
This feels like a the kind of thing you overhear when the person next to you on the bus is having a heated phone call
contrary to popular belief, Gays can do math, but only at MAX CAPACITY, you can either invent the laws of gravity or you can cry over fractions
there is no in between
When I see drama start to happen at a party:
ugh i hate when british ppl talk pridefully about their ~intelligent dry british humor vs any other kind of humor. no! you’re all just humorless fucks
THEY’RE NOT FUNNY
once in England a man asked me “do you have sarcasm in America” and I said, with the heaviest possible accent of irony in my voice, “NO, I’ve never heard of it.” and he TOOK ME SERIOUSLY. AND STARTED EXPLAINING TO ME WHAT SARCASM WAS. which perfectly encapsulates Brits and their shit humour
he asked me to explain how we used sarcasm & I gave an actual example (when my grandmother asked if I was going to fly to England and I said “no, I’m going to swim”) and he said “oh, here sarcasm is like, if you tell someone ‘oh I love your belt’ but you actually hate the belt” and I was like.. that’s not sarcasm lmfao that’s just being mean!!
can i get a uhhhhhhhhhh
forbidden honey
slORP
Dip some a that shit in my tea and the depression is soothed away
If you dropped some in your tea it would form a prince Rupert’s drop, and if you bit it it would shatter in your mouth, likely killing you
a single distant, but very loud, yeehaw
Adding a caption when u reblog a post is like… serious business. You gotta have something good to say. You can make or break a post with that caption
cutting a worm will not make two worms
That smile is adorable
(u/Chris_lsur_dude)
My main method for making friends has always been:
1.) make 1 (one) friend
2.) hope that this friend has other friends
3.) hope that these friends accept you as friend 1’s sidekick and tolerate you long enough to bond
Asked for a scoop of vanilla, cold stone delivers
His face before he slams it
wher ethe fuck the ice cream go
He destroyed it
