For the record I clicked yes and it crashed my game

sorry it was too much for me man

it’s O.K. giant rat

It's a lot healthier to go for a daily walk than to sign up for a gym membership you won't be using because you hate that kind of exercise. It's a lot healthier to eat a frozen meal than to skip a meal because you were too tired to cook something healthy. It's a lot healthier to take a quick shower than to procrastinate an elaborate routine for days. Don't aim so high that you won't be hitting anything!

this is actually really helpful and affirming thanks

the leftism leaving people's bodies when you tell them making fun of someone's appearance is always objectively scummy even if the person they're making fun of is bad

"lol are we really surprised that the dude who said eating puppies is good and morally correct looks like THIS" and then it's just a picture of a completely normal looking person who is fat or has acne or just in general doesn't meet the societally imposed standard of conventional "hotness," which is bizarrely being posited as an indicator of morality

happy 148th birthday to the kentucky meat shower

inspired by the scariest words my dm has ever said to me and the subsequent coolest (AND SCARIEST) scene of my life

Dobby Pussy Indulgence

Dobby Pussy Indulgence

The Pope Walks Into The Shop. Bangs His Sceptre On The Ground. And Demands A Dobby Pussy Indulgence

discomfort and disgust aren't the same thing as immorality and even though a lot of immoral things are also disgusting that isn't what makes them immoral, always keep this in mind when you judge other people for what they say, do or like

i have too much joie de vivre for this

i’m so serious when i say excessive fear of being annoying/creepy/taking up people’s energy etc holds us back. it seems like it’s just little things but they add up. over the past month i’ve ordered food and drinks almost exclusively by asking “do you have a favorite?” and i know if i said that on twitter or wherever ppl would dogpile me for demanding emotional labor of servers or w/e but every single person i’ve asked has seemed genuinely psyched to answer! i don’t ask if it’s busy obvi, and use a phrasing that gives them the easy out of “i don’t have one”— but no one has taken it! the girl at the cafe confessed to me with something like conspiracy in her voice how everybody raves about the gluten free chocolate chip cookies and sure, they’re great, but the delicious, fluffy homemade waffles are RIGHT THERE. the barbera the bartender recommended was actually kind of awful but it broke the ice and we ended up talking for like 45 minutes. the bodega guy declared that he usually makes himself a burger but tonight was “a breakfast sandwich night” and tbh he was totally right. it WAS a breakfast sandwich night

thank you tumblr user @saw5. tumblr user saw 5 gets it

human: IM SO STUPID AND UGLY ANDD IM A VIRGIN AND IM GOING TO KILL MYSELF

the cells in their body:

thinking about when i mentioned tom and jerry by title alone to my 65 year old father and his only response was to laugh REALLY hard and say "him and that fucking mouse.." while staring into the distance. and then the conversation was over

Absolutely fascinated by the Fairy Walrus Discourse. Naturally, I have a take:

This actually is also a fantastic illustration of a truism about Telling Stories that we all implicitly know but rarely acknowledge aloud: the improbable is far less believable than the impossible.

When you invoke the impossible, you silence the critically thinking, reality checking, lie detecting circuitry. Simpler rules reign supreme.

The Walrus, however implausible, is a thing which is real, and so whatever narrative you imagine either precedes or follows the reveal will be constrained by the envelope of the possible.

This is a webbed site all about Narrative.

The person answering the door to a Fairy is in a fairy tale, and frankly most of us would be overjoyed to find ourselves in a fairy tale. Fairy tales have sensible rules, structures we understand, tropes we love and hate.

A Walrus on your doorstep is just one more giant reminder that the world is a maelstrom of chaos, incomprehensible in its complexity, full of moving parts which obey no narrative. It’s another dose of “what fresh hell is this?”

A Walrus on your doorstep is a burden. A Fairy on your doorstep is an escape.

It IS true that being on here gives you a tumblr accent. This morning my mother asked me something and i replied "i don't know i've never heard these words in that order" and she nearly choked laughing. It wasn't even that funny

at my old job i had a coworker who was tired and made a coffee with like 6 or 8 shots of espresso and i just casually went up to them like “are you trying to meet god?” and not only was this absolutely hilarious to them but they brought it up in future conversations they thought it was so funny but to me this was just as casual as saying “woah that’s a lot of coffee”

Being funny on Tumblr and then going to be funny in real life is like traveling to a foreign country and baby the currency exchange rate is biased in your favor

co worker bought three redbulls and I said "oh you never want to have a three redbull kinda day" and i genuinly think it's the funniest thing she ever heard in her life. it's been months and she still says that, "its a three redbull kinda day". she calls me the funniest person she knows and either she has never met anyone else who uses tumblr or I truly got autism swag

snoopy image of the day