The Art in Living
Concrete was my security blanket for most of my life. Walking a well-lit path, with sturdy legs and a comprehensive map, made it easier to sleep at night. It kept my bank account full, my parents content, and when asked that God-awful question, “So what have you been up to?” it was answered with certainty and pride. With the laundry list of problems that arise in adulthood, my career never made it to the list. And I had discipline, maturity, intelligence, and fear of my parents to thank for that.
Where most people take risks, “wild out, ” and walk around aimlessly in their 20s…I was settled. I had a successful career, was married, had a cat, a car, and was saving money for a house. By the time 30 hit though, I realized that I never really let myself “live.” I followed this “good” path, this “right” path, because I was too afraid of what would happen if I didn’t. I had accomplished so much yet still felt there was more to do…more to create…more to live for…more of me that I wanted to share with the world.
After 10 years of working with youth, I was about to take the biggest risk of my life. I think I would've had a nervous breakdown if it wasn't for my firm belief that things happen for a reason.There I was, shitting bricks about the possibility of quitting my job, when I saw a Fb post from a friend about an unpaid photography internship. Of course I didn't just quit right then and there (I'm way too responsible for that). But after talking it over with the wife (because when you're married, you can't just make rash decisions), I decided to start planning my next steps. I interviewed for the internship and got it. 2 weeks later I was no longer a Director. I was an intern. At 31 years old. And I was happy!
My time as an intern was a WHOLE OTHER experience that I might write about one day. But for now, let's just say it helped nurture my craft, my eye, and my technique. It taught me a lot about privilege, the art world, and how true to my value system I am. Most importantly, it was the first step to me LIVING. Cindy the writer, photographer, entrepreneur, risk taker, creative…was FINALLY living! Still scared as shit, but who doesn't have some fear of the unknown. I've just learned to enjoy the journey.
