sometimes i think about the history of coffee culture in islam and how it spread like it’s so funny

the tags on this post are some of the funniest i’ve ever seen in my notifications but this one made me choke on my Mohammedan Gruel

GROUNDS FOR DIVORCE

Happy 10 year anniversary to this absolutely foundational post

TUMBLR IS SO BORING WITH ALL YOU NERDS AT DASHCON

((you all better come back with some amazing tales))

#scrap of bloodstained paper you find in a dungeon #or clutched in a skeleton’s fist (via @beaft)

This thread is gold

“humans don’t do anything for free” somewhere out there there is a guy who spent days if not weeks of his life cataloguing every stupid thing you can do on stardew valley so that you can minmax the fuck out of growing potatoes on a pixel grid for quite literally no reason but that it might help someone else

Um

No hope for any of you, none at all

Also yeah smash

…Lizzy

#this is so freaking funny (itspileofgoodthings)

#adaptations really do often underplay how much#pride and prejudice#darcy’s ‘unexpected’ proposal#is basically the ‘did you just flirt with me’ ‘have been for the past [few months] but thanks for noticing’ meme#like this scene#or the one where Lizzy and him are ALONE in the Collins’ house talking about women marrying and moving far from home#& he’s trying to suss out whether she’d be cool with marrying him and living far away from her own home#and she is like ‘well obviously it’s fine if you have enough money to afford the travel’ and he’s like ‘oh?!? and uhhh…#you’re not super attached to your home yourself are you? like you’d be fine with not constantly visiting [your weird embarrassing family]?’#SHE IS SO CLUELESS

This is why I always say that Pride & Prejudice is not Enemies To Lovers.

Elizabeth is in a one-sided-enemies to lovers story. The book from Elizabeth’s point of view: Darcy: [compliments her] Elizabeth: This man is insulting me. Darcy: [gets up his nerve and asks her to dance after she makes a big deal of liking dancing] Elizabeth: He is trying to make me feel uncomfortable! Darcy: [tries to make conversation about something he thinks she is interested in] Elizabeth: I’m not sure what his angle is, but it must be awful since he said that one unflattering thing about me to his friend in a conversation I eavesdropped on! And also, hot!George says he’s an ass, so clearly him being nice to me must be nefarious!!!

Darcy, meanwhile, is over here in all his awkwardness thinking he’s doing a really good job of flirting with the girl he likes. He’s doing so well. It’s actually working! At first it seemed too good to be true, but she’s saying all the right things! She’s telling him how to meet up with her so they can spend time together! She’s putting up with his awful aunt and still lets him visit her despite all of that! He’s done it! He’s got the girl! He’s planning their wedding because he’s getting an A in romance, you guys.

there is little worse in this world than people being horny for your favourite character that you are not horny for. shut up about his dick i wanna talk about his narrative significance

I would like all Americans (and everyone else) who are excited for the Superbowl to know: Before the actual Superbowl there's a live tournament on TV, here in Germany, called "American Ice Football".

It is exactly what it sounds like: American Football but played on Ice, in shoes with entirely smooth soles.

It's a tournament with 4 teams and they are called Eastside Ossis, Westside Wessis, Northcoast Naughties and Southside Smoothies and it's just hilariously entertaining.

Here's a video to show you how stupid it looks:

Also the players (who are all german celebs or pro athletes from other sports) and the commentator barely know the rules, which makes it even better.

Quite a few of them have little notes taped to their arms to remember the rules or next plays.

This is high quality entertainment.

If anyone cares: The Westside Wessis won the finale haha

“You simply cannot fit more America into a single incident than a man dying a horrifying death in protest of war crimes while a first responder screams at cops to stop pointing their guns at him and go get fire extinguishers. If you were to pick a single moment in history to sum up the essence and expression of the US empire, that would be it.”

Caitlin Johnstone, The Most American Thing That Has Ever Happened

writing a garbage essay feels like you’re the cow who gave birth to the two headed calf. in the morning, my professor will wrap him in newspaper and dissect him on a cold operating table. but here he is alive, under the pale glow of my computer screen. he is beautiful. there are twice as many logical fallacies as usual.

ENTRY LEVEL MEANS NO EXPERIENCE. IT MEANS NO PORTFOLIO OF RELEVANT SAMPLES. ENTRY LEVEL IS ENTRY LEVEL

pens scared me as a kid. a pencil that you cant erase? thats fucked up shit to do to a kid man

but then in high school i met her. i never saw anybody like her before. she was cool she was precise she was always smooth. when i first saw the pilot g-2 pen i knew i wasnt a kid any more

video game knowledge:

A button - accept

B button - becline

I would never be mean to my friend and lover public transport but the bus does take the piss sometimes

There's a stairway to heaven and a highway to hell, but the midnight train goes anywhere. Trains are clearly the superior transit method.