friend: you look stressed me: haha yeah it’s the stress

“im done with this season im not watching the rest” yeah ok honey see u next week

its gotten to the point where i even procrastinate while taking showers and when people ask me why i take so long i dont even know what to reply

The Roman soldiers guarding Jesus’ tomb were like: “yeah… he gone” 

when you have a fond memory with someone but when you bring it up with them they dont remember it

pros and cons of dating me:

pros:

cons:

how to get up in the morning

when someone asks to see your phone

“Whats ur zodiac sign?”